someday you will ache like i ache

dodgeball was insane. we didn't have enough players to have subs, so we all had to play the whole game. it was murderation. the score was pretty close, we lost 11-10 games, and it didn't help that the opponents were a bunch of dirty rotten cheaters (you referee your own games). it's a good combination of cardio and muscle work; this morning, my quads and throwing arm are destroyed. i don't know what shape i would be in if i had not done a 1 1/2 hour hatha yoga class yesterday pre-game. it probably helped me to be less of a competitive jerk too. there was one point when i apparently stormed the court but i don't remember (apparently i have rage blackouts). in my defense, they really were a bunch of cheaty mccheatersons.

dinner apres-dodgeball was hilarious. notable quotes/hilariousness include: "paul wall is like a poor man's bubba sparks, and if you can't afford bubba sparks, you KNOW you've got problems" and "look guys: the point is she gave uncle joey a blow job and that's it, case closed, FINAL ANSWER" (about how alanis morissette is indefensible) and dr. rei's correct form on her pantomimed lay-ups during our renditions of jim jones "we fly high"...BALLIN'. lol!!!!! also...something very auspicious happened last night...just as we had sung dr. rei "happy birthday" and she had blown out the candles...RICK ROSS "HUSTLIN" CAME ON THE TV. it was as if the gods themselves were smiling down on us.

last night something weird happened. the water pipes started making an unholy racket from the pressure...and the only thing that would make them stop was if you ran the water for like, 10 minutes. the noise and vibration were INSANE. consequently, i was worried that the house was going to asplode and had trouble sleeping. so i called the landlord this morning to see what's up. we've been living here for nigh on 3 years, and nothing remotely like that has happened before.

i think we're going to have breakfast at mel's or the only as the last new new guinean breakfast before the montreal friend leaves and fake-ation ends. then it's a day of cleaning, work, and a back-on-the-healthytrain dinner of leftover spelt and bean soup, and grilled avocado, tomato, and cheddar sandwiches on challah.

fin.

holy crap!

i haven't slept this much in years and years and years. my m.o. is getting up at around 7, no matter what i've done the night before...usually because i got into the habit when i was working the lunch shift at restaurants; even when i switched to night shifts, i was working so much that i pretty much HAD to get up early in order to squeeze in all my life-stuff before heading to work. these past few days, i've been sleeping in 'til 9, 10, even 11!!! i feel completely refreshed.

last night, in true new new guinean fashion, we bailed on the dancing plans, and instead hung out and chatted it up. we went on a 1 1/2 hour long walk around the neighborhood, during which time, the boy taught us how to do a 3-part harmony for the chorus of the song "lean on me". we got pretty decent at holding our own voices by the end. i also made us a "build-your-own-crepe" bar dessert, with ice cream, maple syrup, sugar and lemon, nutella, and jam. i think eating right before bed is a) making me mad poochy and b) giving me insaneo dreams.

today the plan is to eat breakkie (french toast, bacon, and our carrot-beet-apple juice), go to a yoga class at the yoga sanctuary, go play dodgeball, and then have my bro, and dr. rei over for a belated dr. rei birthday dinner. we're having grilled lamb that's been marinated in lemon juice, garlic, rosemary, and olive oil, with grilled pitas, and a greek salad. for dessert, i made a poppyseed birthday cake with coffee buttercream. tomorrow the montreal friend leaves and then it's back to eating healthy, getting crazy exercise, and otherwise getting my life back in order.

fin.

7.1 surround sound 4 life!

we saw this dude last night, amon tobin play a 2+ hour dj set at the opera house in 7.1 surround sound. HOLY S**T. so apparently, 7.1 surround sound PWNS everything! it's so clear! and the dynamic range! and the BASS!!!! it was awesome. amon tobin's albums tend to be really cinematic and conceptual, but his dj sets never disappoint. it's everything i want out of jungle but that people don't do anymore...some of them were really slurpy and were hiphop tempo, and then there'd be tracks that were thundering walls of amens crashing down. all cushioned by the most sternum-shaking bass i've ever heard, with clarity. the boy went down by the front where the massive sub was, and at the front, he said it felt like a fan...the sub was just pushing waves of air out. it was really really LOUD in there, which was unfortunate...it was okay for me because i have custom earplugs that reduce the decibel level without impacting the quality of the sound, but for people who didn't, it was painfully loud. i danced like a mofo though, and it felt good. the opening act, plaster, were from montreal and did live/live p.a. dance music. it was awesome! a live rendition of daft punk KILLED it. i had so much fun! i haven't been to a fun dancey show in a while.

i missed dr. rei's birthday bonanza though, and for that i felt bad...the show ran later than i thought it would, and logistically it just didn't make sense to take a 45 minute streetcar ride across town for a short time, and then have to turn around and head back.

tonight we're going to supermarket i think to dance to top 40 goodness. my current guilty pleasures are: "too little too late" by jojo (courtesy of the pussycat dolls, where pussycat doll winner, asia, gave a stirring - albeit pitchy - rendition during the second last show), and akon "don't matter", and mims "this is why i'm hot". i'm requesting the last one at the bar tonight. this fake-ation has been awesome...it's been soooo relaxing and fun.

for dinner we're having a moroccan chicken tagine with ground almonds, oranges, apricots and carrots. with couscous, and a quick minted eggplant side. yum!

fin.

docu-review #4 + #5

egads! i missed a post yesterday! for no other reason than the fact that i slept in like any good former student enjoying a fake-ation before starting to work should. yesterday was EXHAUSTING. the order of the day was that the three girls would go on a shopping spree (i'm on the hunt for business casual clothing for work) and the boy would stay home and attend to manly things. it was sooo tiring, mostly because the roomie is the SLOWEST shopper EVER. i tend to be quick...eye of the tiger...i scan, select, try, discard, select, move on. she tries and retries and ponders and reflects and edits down to a short list and retries and considers and then maybe buys. it was crazy! we spent THREE HOURS in the first winners alone! i'm heartbroken though. i found the perfect pair of cropped pants. dkny, khaki, brushed cotton, amazing detailing on the front pockets, nice seaming, slightly sailor cut...but only in a size 3. i'm 1 size bigger. i could get them on, i just couldn't do up the button. but boy did i ever try! i was sucking it in, careening around the changing room, banging into stuff, doing the one-legged hop, everything in my vast repertoire, to no avail. i'm considering even breaking the cardinal rule of shopping and buying them anyway, in the hope that i can find someone to tailor them to fit me.
le sigh.

then we went for dinner. we went to this hungarian restaurant called "country style" on bloor, between bathurst and spadina. real deal, old fashioned hungarian food, where the wiener schnitzel is about the size of an 8 1/2 x 11" sheet of paper and completely covers the "dumplings" (aka spaetzle) which is one of the side options. it was quite affordable and very delicious and i would definitely go back.

last night we watched a documentary called "milk in the land: ballad of an american drink." to be honest, i can't really review it. we were seated right behind the film-makers, and as the lights dimmed, i whispered to the boy, "i hope i don't fart" (meaning: on the film-makers) and then promptly passed the f**k out. haha! that's what a night out with karl lagerfeld has come to, i guess. i caught maybe 5 minutes. the aesthetic was distracting...it was like the opening credits of the movie se7en, only about milk. and there wasn't enough information...they kind of glossed over major points without any in-depth analysis (from what i saw, but that was later verified by the crew).

wednesday night we saw a documentary called "strawberry fields", which was incredible. it follows palestinian strawberry farmers in gaza strip, following the year when the only commercial bridge out of gaza was closed by the israelis, and the strawberry farmers were forced to dump and destroy all the fruits of their labour. the year the documentary was filmed is also the year when israeli "disengaged" from gaza. tensions run high, mirroring the constant speculation about whether the bridge will be open or not in time for the harvest. there is near-constant bombing and missile-fire. what was so inspiring about this documentary was that although the farmers were palestinians, the distributors were israeli, and both sides were working together, and equally invested in making sure that the strawberries could make it out of gaza and be traded on the market. the contrast between the political and the everyday was poignant and touching, and a great counterbalance to the depiction of the middle east and arabs that is the norm in the western media.

tonight for dinner we're having capellini pasta with artichokes, lemon, parsley, pancetta and garlic breadcrumbs with a baby spinach, avocado, red onion, and pumpkin seed salad. i'm also going to see amon tobin at the opera house.

fin.

docu-review #3

yesterday me and the boy saw a documentary by acclaimed documentarian les blank called "all in this tea". it follows a passionate tea-enthusiast and north american importer to all parts of china, as he butts his head up against chinese bureaucracy and cultural differences in conducting business, in search of the finest of the world's teas. the importer, an american by the name of david lee hoffman, is really into sustainable, organic agriculture. it was an engaging and personal film. the thing that made it for me was the surprise guest appearance of werner herzog. werner herzog has become a bit of a in-joke around team danforth lately, mostly because the boy recently unveiled a SPOT-ON werner herzog impression that had us in tears. overall, i would give this documentary a 4/5, with marks deducted because it was shot on really crappy digital and the final product came out kind of grainy and unfinished looking. extra marks because all the shots of the chinese food made me proud to be a descendant of such a culinarily awesome culture.

last night was a total epic journey. by the time we got home, i felt like we had been subjected to trials to rival those of hercules. first of all, we had assembled a crack team to go with the new new guineans to the cadillac lounge. one by one, they fell by the wayside. when we finally get to the cadillac lounge, the creaking tree aren't playing!!! as it turns out, they updated the website the DAY after i had checked and made the plans. i was stunned and shaken that the internet could have led me so far astray. so we walk a few blocks to mitzi's sister to have a drink. mitzi's sister was for some reason CRANKING the heat, so we sat outside on the patio, which wasn't open yet, and was kind too cold to be enjoyable. i ate a basket of fries. me and the boy got into an EPIC discussion on whether the numbers following the decimal in pi have a deducible, predictable logic, and whether the kids who compete in those competitions to rhyme off the most numbers of pi are simply memorizing or are mentally calculating the sequence following the internal logic of pi. it was epic, and quite heated. then we went home, and on the way home, got into an EPIC conversation about human sexual proclivities, and how women have a tendency to feel victimized by men. it was EPIC and quite draining. by the time we got home, we were STILL all arguing about it.

the thing about the new new guineans is...we certainly never run out of things to say to each other. we're been talking nonstop since friday night. i think that's the true test of my bond with someone, is the ability to talk and talk and talk and talk and dissect and dissect and dissect and dissect. that's certainly the foundation upon which my relationship with the roomie and montreal friend is based. endless hours skipping school in first year university gabbing our faces off (very often on an exciting cocktail of intoxicants) from our rooms, to the caf, to the banks of the ottonobee river and back to our rooms again. the thing that makes lasting, deep friendships harder to come by as you get older, is that you have less time to devote to endless sussing stuff out. it's a shame, really.

tonight for dinner we're going to el sol! and we have another documentary and then the pussycat dolls finale. for dessert, i'm making a sour cherry tart with brown-butter vanilla streusel, served warm with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

fin.

docu-review #2

first of all, i'm in LOVE with barbara's brand of multigrain shredded spoonfuls breakfast cereal. it's fan-effing-tastic. as a kid i used to love shreddies and these are a nice "natural" (or that might be a marketing ruse to pull the wool over an earnest, unsuspecting rube such as myself) alternative. i loathe soggy cereal, which means that whenever i make a bowl, i have about a five minute (maximum) window to wolf it down. for the longest time, i turned my back on cereal. then i went through a solid two year phase where i ONLY ate my homemade organic granola. now i've started branching out a bit...and the world of cereal is as varied and glorious as i remember from my halcyon days as a waddling, bow-legged tot.

i don't know if i mentioned it already, but as it turns out...i'm getting the OTHER library. a lady from HR called on friday and told me that they had "collectively" decided that i was better off spending my summer with a headful of dust motes, man-handling books from one end of the library to the other (not in those words, but it was implied). the point is: i do have a summer job, so that's okay by me!

last night's documentary was called "the river where we live." it was billed as the "uplifting" africa-themed documentary. it was done in the classic style of documentaries, where the directorial voice is made as invisible as possible, and they sort of just drop you into wherever you're supposed to be. so it was very quiet and still, and although very beautiful from a visual perspective, it still managed to put me to sleep. yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, i'm officially going to hell. it followed different sets of people who make their livelihood based on the economies, ebbs, and flows of the niger river in mali. i maybe saw about 25% of it, so i don't feel qualified to give it a review. however, from what i did see, the "uplifting" tagline might have been overstating it a little bit. while the people were still managing to eke out a meager living, had a great attachment to their families, all the children depicted were loved, etc...the prevailing theme was that things were going to be changing. the river that had provided a way of life for generations was no longer yielding the bounteous fruits that it once did, and the next generation living life on the river would probably be forced to go to the soulless city to find a way to continue to survive.

today we have an afternoon documentary about tea. then i have to work a shift at the library, then we're going to see our friends' band play at the cadillac lounge. i LOVE them. they do amazing, folksy, rootsy, bluegrass. and i love their name, too! they're called "the creaking tree string quartet"

last night the roomie brought back ghandi's rotis for us to eat. i had half a malak kofta roti and half the lamb roti. it was delicious! the lamb is braised into luxurious, silky tenderness, and the sauce that binds it together is spiced and redolent with gamey lambiness. tonight we're having a spelt and white bean soup with those cheddar and onion focaccia sammies i love so much.

fin.

docu-reviews

"heveltica" was simply brilliant. it traces the rise of helvetica as the default font (for those who don't know, it's the font used by american apparel) and what this means in terms of modernism, its links to post-modernism, what they both have to do with late capitalism and globalization. it also talks about the underlying sentiment(s) that drove the development and proliferation of the usage of the font, incorporating theoretical considerations of organization, ubiquity, and cataloging (hello!!! information studies, what!) what i particularly liked about it, is that it shows how details matter. and how, from a design perspective, aesthetics matter. and they speak to you, and about you, or about the thing. so the content of the text is not the only thing that exists, the vessel that holds the text speaks too. i've sometimes been accused about being "picky", and i felt like this film validated my perspective. i'm very detailed oriented, especially when it comes to my aesthetic surroundings (particularly my sartorial choices) because i've always felt that your cultural choices speak more about you than what you think. i put a lot of thought into it. and i also feel the whole, "it's what inside that counts, you can't judge a book by it's cover" argument is bunk. you can TOTALLY judge a book by it's cover, and SHOULD. grade: 5/5

"yoga inc" was just amateurish, in every degree. it purported to speak on the incorporation of yoga and the divorce of yoga from its spiritual roots in the west. but it belabored its point to no end, and it lacked nuance and context. it was very tabloid-journalistic style, and was guilty of musical manipulation that was very naive. they tried to show how one of yoga's most successful entrepreneurs, bikram choudury, is evil for trying to copyright the style of yoga and asanas he used in that style. bikram yoga is "hot" yoga, where you perform your poses in a heated room. he's sought out copyright for the style and has subsequently sued other practices for failing to license "his" style. the documentary tries to set up this argument about the "little" yoga people fighting the corporate behemoth that is bikram, but it's a pretty shady analysis. the "little" yoga people aren't trying to do it for more "pure" reasons, they're just as motivated by capitalism, it's just a less successful version. stuff like that drives me crazy. grade: 2/5

"manufacturing dissent" was laughably bad. trite and banal. it follows a woman who's doing a documentary on michael moore, who tries to use "michael moore tactics" to gain an interview with him. it wasn't a parody or satire, it was just a straight-up copy. but she missed an essential point to michael moore's films - gaining an interview with the subject in question merely provides a thematic bookend to his discussion of other, related issues. unfortunately for this documentarian film maker...she HAD no argument or point to make. and it took her 2 hours!!! to belabor the same flimsy non-points OVER AND OVER again!

i saw michael moore about 6 years ago, just as he was starting to infiltrate the popular consciousness. the drooling, salivating, near-religious fervor of the crowd turned me right off, and started me on my road of being more critical about the left (prior to that, i was one of those painfully earnest, the left-can-do-no-wrong, indignant, morally-superior, undergrad type of lefties). if that was the point the filmmaker was trying to make about michael moore, then fine, i can give her that. BUT THAT'S A FIVE MINUTE SENTENCE. instead, she follows michael moore around on publicity tour after publicity tour, trying to get an audience with him. the thing is, she DOES get an audience with him, on several occasions, and when she does, she just kvetches about how he won't give her any time, INSTEAD OF ASKING A PERTINENT QUESTION.

it was painful! i was actually getting really mad in the theater, i wanted my time back. this woman lacked michael moore's personality, charisma, and sense of humour, all of which contribute to his appeal. then she took pot shots at him, trying to undermine his credibility by saying stuff like, "his documentaries aren't objective" (anyone who makes an argument that documentaries should be, or are ever, objective, are so stupid that it makes me want to gouge my eyes out); or, "he used a george bush quote out of context" (it was the quote where bush says, "i'm surrounded by the haves, and have-mores"...apparently it was delivered at a catholic-church sponsored "roast" type of thing, where the president is supposed to be funny. ANY WAY YOU CUT IT, THAT "JOKE" MAKES THE PRESIDENT LOOK LIKE A DICK). or, "michael moore actually grew up 18 miles outside of flint, michigan". gah! i wanted to stay for the q&a just to tear her a new a**hole, but we walked out before the movie was over.

tonight we have two more documentaries, so i don't know what we're eating for dinner. we might go to el sol, or we might go get falafels or sumpin'

fin.

lazy sundays...

well last night, in typical new new guinean fashion, was a wash (but still so much fun!). we had dinner outside, my brother's plan's changed so he didn't end up staying over, the montrealer was late because of transportation issues, and we were all too uninspired to go out dancing. we went on a long stroll together and rented some movies. we put on clerks II, but we all passed out (it's all that fresh air!!), except the montrealer, who said it was pants.

the yoga class yesterday was kind of bunk...the teacher was all about emphasizing strength and was doing these crazy difficult hardcore poses, without reading the room (everyone was moaning and crying out in protest). her pace was also too fast for a hatha class. AND she was using all this distracting biological jargon: "feel you tricep pushing back into the left deltoid muscle that connects with your sacrum-femur as the length extends into your abdominal core"...i couldn't figure out WHAT the crap she was jabbering on about. it was still a good workout, but i didn't get that sense of languid looseness i usually get from a class. and for a person who's so go-go-go the way i am, it's really nice for me to have the opportunity to feel unwound.

today for sunday breakkie we're having eggs benedict with sweet potato and regular potato latkes, avocado, poached eggs, and dilled hollandaise. and a carrot-apple-beet-cucumber-ginger juice. then me and the boy are going to see "helvetica" as part of hot docs. then we're meeting some peeps for veal sammies from california's sammiches (best veal sammies ever!) in picnic form at trinity bellwoods park. then we're going to see a yoga documentary called "yoga inc" and going from there to a documentary on michael moore called "manufacturing dissent"

whew! busy-fun-social-day-in-the-sun!

fin.

exhale

yesterday was absolutely, utterly lovely in all aspects. i woke up early, biked my way in the warming sun to school, dropped off my last paper of my first year of school and closed the book on that particular chapter. i worked a shift, biked to the mennonites, and for the rest of the afternoon, leisurely made dinner and reorganized the bathroom. i did yoga at twilight in the roomie's room, easing all the knots and tension out of my body and mind (flaky, but that's totally how i felt). the rest of the evening, i lay on the couch, languorously and methodically reading through my stack of food magazines that i hadn't had a chance to get to, beneath an open window, as the dusky street sounds of cars driving and scattered pops of strangers' conversations filtered through the window, and the smell of the outside came in and freshened up the house. even though i accomplished a lot, i felt like i was on vacation. at one point i turned to the roomie and said, "i feel like i'm in another country or something"...even though i was lying on the same familiar (and excruciatingly comfortable) "big brown" couch, the quiet in me and around me felt like vacation-me. i love falling asleep with the window open, and the sweet night air filling the room, and i love waking up to the tentative, hazy light of summer.

i love how my neighbourhood comes alive in the summer! nothing beats the first warm day, when everyone and everything unfurls to meet the sun. our neighbours were out on their stoops, me and the roomie went for an evening stroll and saw kids everywhere, chalk drawings on the sidewalks, people out and chatting, a multitude of cats patrolling. the first warm day makes winter worth it. that's why i love living in a place where you get to experience all four seasons.

my pizza last night turned out fantastic! pizza is all about the crust...(italian style pizza anyway). i used the crust recipe from my gourmet cookbook, it's based on the recipe used by a famous pizza place called "pizza bianco" in phoenix, of all places. every chef i've read about heralds the place, suzanne goin, the owner of lucques and a.o.c. in l.a. even had her wedding there. the crust was thin, slightly sweet, and crisp. having a pizza stone helps...best investment EVER! and i also have a pizza peel.

today is going to be equally nice. me and the roomie are doing morning yoga at the yoga sanctuary. then i have to work, then montreal-friend is coming in. and my brother is spending the night too! i love that these past 2-3 years i've been hanging out with my brother a lot more. we appreciate each other as people so much more now, and i feel like we're there for each other and a lot closer than we used to be. i think the plan is to go out dancing...probably supermarket...so we can dance to top-40 in a non-dress code, non-$20 cover environment.

i'm blissfully happy and full of love. not a bad place to be...all things considered. although i feel jinxy and fate-tempting just typing those words. it's been such a grown-up year, full of adult, worrying concerns.

tonight for dinner we're having whole wheat penne with a pork-veal-beef ragu. i did the ragu the real deal way...sweating out finely chopped celery, carrots, onions and garlic. browning the meat, deglazing with wine, and then adding milk, and letting it all reduce til the pan was dry. then i added crushed san marzano tomatoes and let the whole thing simmer away. we're having this with roasted-garlic garlic bread, and a big olive garden salad. we haven't had dessert all week (i was doing my own health rejuvenation thing), so dessert is going to be funnel cakes with ice cream and powdered sugar. i'm limiting the house to two desserts a week...probably on weekends.

fin.

year one - in the can!

i finished the steaming pile of turdiness that is my final paper of my first year of my masters. *air horn* *whistle posse inside!* to say i didn't put any effort in would be a gross and most egregious understatement. i didn't even edit it. just ran it through spell-check. i even resorted to doing the whole calculate-my-average-to-figure-out-the-minimum-grade-i-need-to-pass routine. i can get a C+ and still end up with a B- in the course. even a C+ is looking pretty grim, imo, but i simply can't care enough. i'm banking on the fact that they won't fail me, and that if they do, i'm going to raise hell. i'm totally fine with a B- on my academic record, because for required courses that have nothing to do with my interests or abilities, i'm laissez-faire with the marks thing. me and statistics are mortal enemies, and i'm willing to concede defeat to the might of its boring esotericness.

i forgot this anecdote from the weekend with the fam. i was pushing little ze around on his stroller at markville mall, and i had to go downstairs to sportcheck to pick up sweatbands for dodgeball. so i took the elevator down. when i was done, i didn't want to wait for the elevator, so i put him on the escalator. some random dude who worked for the mall went ballistic on me: "CAN'T YOU READ?! IT SAYS RIGHT THERE...NO STROLLERS ON THE ESCALATOR!!! TAKE THE ELEVATOR!!! IT'S DANGEROUS!!! CAN'T YOU READ?!?" i was completely affronted at this attack on my "parenting" skills. coupled with the fact that i don't let ANYONE talk to me like that, i was indignant and pretty effin pissed. who the EFF was this guy?!? so do you know what my rejoinder was? only this sweet little number: "PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS!" you know, like in those egyptian hieroglyphics, where they depict nefertiti wheeling the young sun god up the stone escalator (built on the backs of the enslaved israelites, of course) in his gold and obsidian stone stroller. in my defense, it was in the heat of the moment. i was so peeved though at judgmental mcgee taking stabs at my parenting skills. first of all...strollers have been going up and down escalators since escalators have been invented. second of all, the number of stroller-related escalator accidents can't be that high. third of all, try living downtown, bubs, where 90% of the ttc stops don't have elevators. my mum said it's probably because he thought i was some teenage mom, or worse, the nanny.

in other other news, my ex bf might be moving into the vacant apartment upstairs with my other buddy. !!!!! everyone i've told seems to give me the whole "um, okaaaay" routine...but he's been in scotland for a year, and now he has a wicked gf who i really like, and i think it's going to be fine. we get along really well for the most part, he just likes to get a rise out of me, and i tend to take the bait. we can sometimes bicker alot, like siblings...but now that he's been away for a year...it feels like things have settled into place. he's been one of my closest friends for more than 10 years...i'm glad we're still buddies after all the crap i put the poor guy through.

for dinner tonight we're having homemade pizzas! one is going to have sauteed spinach, roasted peppers, maybe roasted garlic, carmelized onion and asiago and parm. the other one is going to have thinly sliced potato, caramelized onion, rosemary, and gorgonzola. with a salad.

fin.

interview numero dos

this morning. then finish my readings for my lit review and crank out the intro and the lit review tonight. *fingers crossed*

i'm so serious about having this paper done by friday. because this sunday we have a billion documentaries to see, and i've been DYING to clean the house since february. i'm obsessed with it. i want to do a room-by-room, intense, spring cleaning, house enema. every corner, nook and cranny, nether region of this place is going to be swept, wiped, disinfected, reorganized, etc. i'm going to garage sale a bunch of stuff (or just give it to goodwill) and i'm SO excited for it! i've honestly been thinking about doing this for a long time...and it got so bad, that i was ocd-ing and finding it difficult to concentrate, because i wanted to clean, but i had too many other school-related responsibilities to do it. it got to the point where the roomie had me write down on a piece of paper that i was going to clean the house as soon as school was done, and we put it in a box with her fake vagina. i was kind of skeptical about the value of physically manifesting and "burying" something like that, but it actually did the trick.

for the general elucidation of the reading public (which i've come to realize is larger than i had thought), a fake vagina doesn't really look like a vagina. it's designed so that midwives and obstetricians can practice suturing post-childbirth. it's two thin pieces of tubing that make a v-shape held in place by a plastic base, about 10 cm. long. the tubing is springy and it's supposed to replicate the level of resistance and slipperiness of human skin. okay, this convo is totally grossing me out so i gots to stop now.

we watched "blood diamond" on the weekend. it was aight, didn't really do it for me. i thought the elements that made it all cinematic were unnecessary, given the general precariousness and horrific stuff that's happening in sierra leone. therefore, the romance between leo and jennifer connelly was completely out of place, and also, the "action" elements and capriciousness of the events ("oh look! saved by the random and timely arrival of the military!" "oh look! saved by the random and timely explosion of a bomb!") that drove the plot forward seemed forced and contrived. i think it would have been a much more effecting story SANS leo's character. i also didn't get why he was nominated for an oscar for this role, when his performance in "the departed" was much better and had a wider range; less reliant on heart-string-tugging crybaby stories.

i don't know that i need to see a fictionalized account of the civil war in sierra leone. lately i haven't been into much fiction in general...i've been all about watching documentaries, and reading general, non-academic non-fiction about stuff (right now i'm reading about the history of chocolate...which also shows how the belgians under king leopold were racist, sadistic, torturing f**ks - cutting off people's hands if they resisted enslavement, and then showing the baskets full of severed hands to other reluctant villagers). if i am reading or watching fiction, i'm not into the overtly political, hit-you-over-the-head "story". i'm into reading quiet comics with little slices of life, or "half nelson" - the movie i STILL can't get out of my head. there's this one scene where ryan gosling's face moves between beseeching vulnerability, sheepishness, empathy, sympathy, self-disgust...all in the space of less than a minute. for that moment alone, it's the best performance i've seen all year. and all the talk about dialectics was intellectually stimulating and thematically relevant as it mimicked the arc of the narrative.

the roomie is coming home tonight!!! which means the danger of distraction...eek! for dinner we're having leftover manhattan clam chowder with a salad and toasted fred's potato bread and butter (aka margarine).

fin.

the library.

here i come! it's day one of my two interviews (different branches) with the library. i boned up on canadian provincial parliamentary procedures (first-past-the-post, what!) which made me realize how lame it is that we still consider the queen to be our head of state. eff the queen! being a "commonwealth" country blows the big one. eff the monarchy! i also boned up on their cataloguing procedures and their online search parameters...government documents are actually quite complex and a system unto themselves. also, by "boned up" i mean "printed out and read over once while watching episodes from buffy: the vampire slayer" to show a concerted effort on my part, i've changed my interview outfit. i'm going with a skirt instead of pants, something tweedy and pretty conservative, although i doubt i'm going to get the job anyway (owing to my inherent, self-identified blue-collarness) . on the slimmest of possibilities that i DO get the job, i'm really hoping that it's a government position without a dress code.

"buffy the vampire slayer" is the best show ever. it never jumped the shark. it maintained awesome excellence from season 1 through to season 7, and has only gotten BETTER. individual episodes "hush", "once more with feeling", "the body", were some of the best things television has ever produced and i pity people who don't (or didn't) watch it.

another funny anecdote from le weekend. me and my sister were driving in the car with the kids. and my niece asks, "where's daddy?" and we told her that daddy was in the other car, with uncle fun, uncle cam, and uncle dodo. then she goes, "oh yeah, i love those guys". hahaha...so cute! she also does her own version of the exaggerated exclamation, "WHHHAAAT?!?!?" that my family does to indicate shock or spoilers.

today is the day i re-start my engine. oatmeal for breakkie, i'm going to do an extended round of yoga, and i'm going to work on school and try to get this paper done like a mofo. at the very least, my plan is to have the intro and lit review done by tomorrow evening, so i can dedicate myself to the actual methodology portion, which will be the longest part. come hell or high water (or all nighter) i WILL have this beast done by friday morning.

tonight for dinner we're having manhattan (aka tomato based) clam chowder with croutons and salad.

fin.

ladies and gentlemen, i present to you...

the captain and co-captain, of the NEPTUNE PIRATES!!!
*crowd roars*
*cue europe's "the final countdown"*
so me, the boy, my bro, dr. rei, and a bunch of our assorted cronies have joined an intramural dodgeball league. one word: HI-larious.
we got matching t-shirts and sweat bands...as you can see, i'm wearing mine bjorn borg style. obvs. my brother made me make him co-captain, but as i've said, i'm open to a coup.
we've got all kinds of crazy plans to be the most obnoxious team in the league. one is to carry a boombox with a mic, and have someone flick the gym lights on and off, as we run onto the floor one at a time and bump chests, to a varying assortment of tunes ("the final countdown", "whoop there it is") and someone announcing our heights and names as we rush onto the court. then we're going to link arms into a circle and do stupid passing drills and shiz. so funny! dodgeball is going to be one of the things that makes this summer complete mayhem.

this weekend was predictably ROFL-city. me, my brother c, my outlaw bro, and co-captain bro were sitting in the car, discussing the dodgeball uniform. this is the exchange:
outlaw bro: "so what colour shorts did you get?"
me: "black, but it's no big deal"
outlaw bro: "and what colour sweatbands?"
me: "black. so the deal is, we're going to be wearing b-ball shorts, matching t-shirts, and matching headbands"
outlaw bro (facetiously): "what kind of shoes?"
co-captain bro: "nike shox"
me: "is that how it's pronounced? nike SHOCKS? i thought it was like, nike SHOOOOZ"
*car erupts into laughter*
co-captain: "i am SO GLAD you've never had to pronounce that out loud. can you imagine going into athlete's world and asking for a pair of nike SHOOOOZ?"
me (blustering, laughing, embarrassed): "you know, sometimes x's make z sounds, like in...xanadu"
*car erupts into further laughter*

that was just one of the many choice moments this weekend. and now i'm back home, trying to pretend that the weekend hasn't ended and that i don't have a paper to write. it's semi-working. one of my favorite shows on tv is mtv's "run's house". i caught it for the first time last summer on my sister's blessed satellite tv in the states. it's THE BEST! it follow reverend run of run-dmc and his family of cute kids. it's one of the most well-adjusted families (famous or non famous) that i've ever seen and the kids (especially diggy) are uniformly cute and really well brought up. it's not one of those reality shows that you watch cuz it's a total gong show (ie. house of carters, the surreal life, etc), it's one that makes me feel good that there are good, upstanding, cool parents out there raising privileged kids. we saw the season 2 opener this weekend, which was really sad because run's baby girl dies at birth. me and my sis were bawling.

in other news, my niece and nephew were as cute as ever. hearing a little kid tell you, "i lub you" is the best! especially when she's a little holy terror like my niece is. and my nephew is the biggest sucky baby the world has ever known.

we ate like pigs (it was an all meat, all carb, all refined sugar weekend), so i don't know if i want to eat any dinner tonight. we hit up pak fook, asian legend, and this hong kong style western food place (yes, that's an actually sub-category of chinese cuisine...it's an acquired taste), and i'm so full of pork fat that i need to eat healthy like a mofo. that's the plan tomorrow is to get back on the train and get in shape. especially if i don't want to be a total embarrassment on the dodgeball court.

fin.

pete doherty is a disgusting gutter rat

seriously. kate moss is effed in the head. i hate the british.

i've got a crapload of preliminary research done for my big paper. i had a breakthrough and decided to craft a different proposal, one that i'm rather excited to do the research for. it's going to be a discourse-cultural studies based analysis on pop culture depictions of librarians, and to what extent these preconceptions affect either library patrons, or librarians working in the field. i think it's going to be slightly tougher than my original proposal, which was to craft a study researching teen use of a library in the toronto system, but actually there's almost too many sources for that one, making the process of weeding out irrelevant info all the more arduous. so now i just have to read all my stuff and write the thing. eep! i keep vacillating between feeling really confident to being crippled by fear. right now i'm more towards the confident side.

last weekend we watched a movie called "running with scissors" it's a semi-autobiographical tale based on the memoirs of this dude, augusten, who grew up in the 70s with a mentally unstable mom, and an alcoholic dad. the mom subsequently allowed him to be adopted by her tax-evading shrink, who took all her money and is the stereotypical mid-century shrink-type (bearded, glasses, incorrect readings of freud and jung, etc), and who has a "wacky" family. it was pretty bad. the story wasn't engaging, and i think i've seen too much of the following:
a) gwyneth paltrow playing the dour, downturned-mouth, fragile, depressed woman
b) annette bening playing the shrill, maniacal, caricature woman
c) kooky crazy families that are either played up to be endearing or scary - i'm sick of both
d) coming of age stories of teenages growing up and having said kooky crazy families around them.

today after work and lunch with a friend, i'm going up to markham to visit with my family and my sister, bro in law, and my niece and nephew. fun! tonight for dinner my grandma made us reservations at her go-to chinese restaurant. i've practically grown up there. we've been going there (in its various incarnations) since i was about 10.

fin.

one more!

i'm on a roll. i cranked out that paper last night and in the words of america's next top model's jay manuel, i was "working it like the rent was due" <-- i have only a hazy idea of what this actually means. i celebrated by going on an essay-high fueled orgiastic excess of a feeding frenzy, meaning i ate a giant piece of the leftover birthday cake and some pepperoni sticks in bed, watching the last few episodes of "buffy the vampire slayer, season 6" <-- happiness i accidentally caught a little peek at the tyra banks show yesterday afternoon. in the words of the boy, "she parodies black people the way white people parody black people" *stage whisper* awkward. yikes. we also caught a little bit of the ellen show, which is beyond awkward. she does this stupid dance, and then the audience starts dancing, and they were dancing to tupac, and that whole scenario in reality is as wrong as the semantic combination of those words are on (cyber) paper. holy crap. afternoon talk shows are the refuge of the (middle class) damned.

you can't talk about afternoon talk shows without talking about the big O. i actually actively despise oprah. i hate the way she preaches and forces people to agree with her, and i hate the crazed gleam in the eyes of her drooling, sycophantic audience. the major disagreements i have with the roomie tend to centre around oprah, and how the roomie likes pam on the US version of "the office". it actually drives me semi-bonkers, and the two issues are surprisingly similar. my argument against pam is that she's a dud: she's meek, she's too polite, she's passive aggressive (one of my most loathed attributes), she's unambitious, and she lets people walk all over her. the roomie defends pam because she "grew up in a small town, just ended up with her high school sweetheart, and has never known anything better" this to me is an extremely patronizing position, compounded and exacerbated when the roomie says something along the lines of "i just think there's a lot of women who are like that, etc etc" to me, this fixes women into the kind of weak, passive, non-aggressive subject-position, that allows oprah to come in and "treat" them with a panel of experts as her rallying forces.

another example is this book that oprah's been flogging called "the secret". now, i haven't read it, but from what i understand (based on cursory research on oprah's website, and a particularly funny SNL skit skewering the "secret" featuring amy poehler), this is what it's about in a nutshell: "the principle explains that we create our own circumstances by the choices we make in life. And the choices we make are fueled by our thoughts—which means our thoughts are the most powerful things we have here on earth." (from oprah's website, in the words of the author).
now, i think this is a load of horses**t. the fact that people need a book to tell them this is a sad reflection on our society's tendency to pander to mediocrity (imo). the roomie defends this book (which she was going to read with her mum, and report back on to me), by saying that some people need creative visualization and books to tell them to be more assertive, and to ask for that raise, and to demand to be treated well in a relationship.

to me, if you need a book to tell you that, you've got problems beyond what "the secret" can fix. furthermore, it infantilizes the general population, and following the work of Foucault, "creates" a problem to be "treated" through the disciplinary power apparatus. therefore, the weak, and (largely feminine-associated) subject-position gets reified through repeated articulations (ie. when the roomie says that "a lot of women have the tendency to be ___").

i have a huge problem with discourses that say "women tend to be more passive". oh really? and why is that?!? for example, i had a conversation with a girl once, who was talking about going on a date with a boy, and the boy asked for her number, and never called. now, the girl didn't mind that the boy didn't call, but was more perplexed by why he would ask for her number if he wasn't planning on calling in the first place. so i asked, "why didn't you ask him if he was just asking for your number to be polite, or if he was really going to call?" to which the girl replied, "because that would make me seem like a bitch". which i think is B.U.N.K. for a variety of reasons to be itemized as follows:

a) we should deconstruct the use of the word "bitch". in this scenario, being upfront, honest, and calling people out on their b.s. = bitch. that to me is WACK and is the principle problem in this scenario.
b) what's wrong with being a bitch?!
c) why do people care so much about what perfect strangers (and yes, by "perfect strangers" i mean larry appleton and balki bartokomous) think of them?!? this is always something that will confound me.
d) the exchange i've outlined above doesn't even have to be played in an a**hole-y kind of way, there are many ways that you could intone that conversation in which the dude doesn't come out feeling pwned.

i also get my hackles up when people tell me, "well most girls aren't like you". that's bullcrap.

anyway, that's my marginally-feminist based rant for the day. and i shouldn't have to say it here, but i LOVE the roomie, she's really smart and self-aware, and we psychoanalyze each other to equal degrees.

so apparently last night's "pork stroganoff, with egg noodles, and the infamous olive garden salad on the side" actually meant "popeye's 3 piece, dark meat, spicy fried chicken delivery". haha! something about the end of school rush tends to mean that i get lazy with the cooking and procrastinate by eating my face out (the same thing happened during the leading up to the xxx-mas holidays rush). in my fried-chicken-skin fervor, i somehow manage to conflate popeye's use of halal meat, to some semblance of "healthiness". i also made an important, popeye's related discovery. popeye's still sells fried turnover-type pies. like the way mcdonald's apple pies used to be before they switched over to the infinitely less enjoyable "baked" version. this is HUGE, people.

today i'm gone for a long time today. i don't know what i'm going to eat. the same cooking/packing lunch laziness in me is calling out for street meat. i don't know if i'm actually going to heed that siren's song.

fin.

two to go!

i finished one more paper last night! brup brup! that leaves me with a little 5-6 pager i'm going to pump out tonight, and then that 20 page behemoth.

i dropped off my resume at soma, the chocolate store in the distillery district. my friend works there, she used to be the pastry chef at canoe, so i've definitely got an in. they're looking for someone who would feel comfortable toggling back and forth between the front of the house (working the counter, serving people) and doing some actual production work (that's me!). they seemed pretty enthusiastic so it sounds like i've got a pretty good shot. which now throws everything else up in the air. i've got two interviews with two different branches of the library next week: the ontario documents division, and the circulation and news services division. i doubt i'll get those, but still, those are both full time and resume builder/professional experience type jobs. but they'll also probably mean working in an office and having to be all circumspect with my potty mouth. whereas, how fun would it be to learn how to make chocolates all summer from someone who's widely regarded as toronto's best chocolatier? it's close enough to easily bike to, the distillery is a nice place to work, and it'd be relaxed and low pressure, which is kind of how i want my summer to be.

bah...i'm sure the decision will be made for me, when i DON'T get the library gigs. see that collar on my shirt? it's blue all the way, baby.

i finished reading this book, "the devil's picnic" last week. it's written by a french canadian author. in it, he travels the world, imbibing and tasting various prohibited edibles and victuals from around the world. he tries moonshine in norway, raw milk cheese in france, absinthe, cuban cigars, mate de coca in bolivia; but wisely stops short of trying pentobarbital sodium in switzerland, which is the powerful barbituate prescribed by a legal euthanasia group to help people die painlessly of their own volition. the author uses all of these substances (some mundane, like caffeine, or chewing gum in singapore) to examine various cultures' responses to the instability wreaked by the human desire to temporarily transcend mundane reality, and to provide an aperture into the mores and values entrenched in legislation and bureaucratic rhetoric. what does government intervention into our ability to choose what to eat, drink, and escape reality say about us?

it was a great read, even if the central thesis was belabored a little too heavily, and was a little obvious for someone of my libertarian tendencies.

yesterday i stopped off at kubo radio on queen to pick up some babycake cupcakes to treat myself and the boy. they're fiendishly expensive, but the red velvet with cream cheese frosting is our favorite. biking by all the yummy places to eat and browse on queen east makes me love my neighbourhood even more. i adore leslieville! i adore riverdale!

tonight for dinner i think we're going to have pork stroganoff, with egg noodles, and the infamous olive garden salad on the side.

fin.

supreme unmotivation

i feel like i'm SO SCREWED for school! bah. i know i'll get it done, but i just don't care...and my last few papers are on topics that i'm rather uninterested in (they're for required courses). it's a lot harder to fulfill word/page requirements when the topics are a drag. i got an extension on my monster 20 page paper, but now i feel like a dorkus malorkus, because even though there's no way i could have finished that and my other two papers that are due this thursday on time, it means that i'm going to be doing school stuff next week, when by all rights i should be dunzo. ah well...everyone gets this way during the last waning weeks of school, i shouldn't be so hard on myself.

in other news, we've been watching "syriana" in bits and pieces and finally finished it yesterday. it's kind of a snoozer, imo. i don't think i'm into seeing fictionalized accounts of how heinous the oil issue is, especially when the reality of it is already so scary. the interconnectivity of the various story lines were difficult to follow and a little too sensationalized for my liking.

we also finished up "who killed the electric car", which is also a total snoozer. like, i get how awesome the electric car was, and how resident bad guys (oil companies, car companies) killed it, but that's basically a by-line in a newspaper. you don't need a feature length movie about it. we get it! plus, some of the ev (electric vehicle) drivers were way kooky. after GM took all their electric cars back, some of the ev drivers found out where they were being held at a gm plant in burbank, and held a vigil for weeks or something. it doesn't strengthen your case when you look like loonies.

i think the plan for dinner tonight is to have leftover roasted tomato soup, and maybe a proscuitto, la bomba, and provolone panini on crusty bread with a salad.

fin.

styling present

i gotta say it: check out the art direction on that present right there! i was so proud of myself. you've got the lime green houndstooth tissue paper that picks up the lime green in the polka dots, and then the pink card peeking out also matches the polka dots. i was really in love with the aesthetic and i couldn't get over it. so i thought i'd force my love of banal aesthetics upon you poor souls. HOUNDSTOOTH AND POLKA DOTS, people! silllllllk. we got the boy's mum a microplane grater and an angora-wool scarf i had knitted. i'm becoming a scarf-knitting machine.

last night's dinner was roast beef, with mashed po', gravy, carrots and beans. delicious! i've also been made aware of the psychological impact of portion size. the boy's aunt cut the roast much thinner than i do (i serve like, 2" slabs of meat, usually), but it makes so much more sense! i had seconds, which still probably only equals about 3/4 of my usual version of a serving, and was very full. so i've had a revelation...i gotta stop cramming people full of food and over feeding them. ha! this is the cake. it was delicious, if i do say so myself. i used the scharfen berger bittersweet chocolate, which prevented it from becoming cloyingly sweet. the cake layers hold up well and stayed fairly moist, but the true star of this cake is the play of the two fillings against each other. most of the sweetness comes from the milk chocolate buttercream, which then gets tempered and cut by the coffee mousse. i think it might become my go-to cake...which is a bit of a pill, because it's a little labor-intensive, although not so bad if you spread it out over two days, as i did. i also got some help from the boy, who's been crowing about having made his first buttercream to anyone who'll listen.

i really enjoy talking to the boy's uncle. we went on this long meandering conversation that started off with copyright laws and the intellectual commons and intellectual property (which i now feel pretty comfortable contextualizing, after addressing these issues in various classes this year...the degree pays off again!) and then into the nature of human motivations and coming to terms with impermanence. i think our paradigms are different (i'm much more rooted in cultural theory, whereas he's a buddhist), but there are some interesting intersections and commonalities between us.

my principal problem with his argument was that he was saying that you should observe and uphold copyright laws, by not "stealing" (ie. burning or copying cds or software), based on the moral precept that: "one shouldn't take what isn't given freely". my counter-argument is that yes, stripped of all the intervening artificial cultural artifacts, one can uphold and retreat to an absolute moral position like that. however, given the inherent artifice of capitalism, copyright laws, and intellectual property that mediate and affect the lived reality of that moral position, you can't return to that moral position as your automatic recourse, because it has been inexorably compromised by these cultural interventions and their historicity. it's the difference between the ideal we uphold, and the ad-hoc, bootstrapping that signifies the attempts to negotiate that ideal in the messy, un-absolute, fraught world that we inhabit. furthermore, the idea that one is "taking money away from musicians" is in itself, an idea that is rooted in a specific iteration of the subject, the role of the "musician", and capitalism, all tied together. you can't affect a corollary between: "one shouldn't take what is given freely" and the ideological context that provides the weight for that moral position, and "you're taking money away from musicians". the two cannot be related on the same terms without first establishing and acknowledging the various ways in which this dichotomy has been politicized.

the boy's sister posted a blog entry the other day, expressing disappointment about the lack of attendance at one of her shows, and how she gets upset about people complaining about a $10 admission fee, when they can justify spending it on so many other things. my comment to her, is that under capitalism, and the rules of cultural consumption, it's not up to the consumer to justify to the artist why they choose not to spend their money in that arena, it's up to the artist to prove to the consumer why their product is worth that amount. to put it in perspective, i paid $10 to see loefah on saturday night, an artist, who is internationally recognized (albeit within a specific sub-section of urban culture) and who was FLOWN IN from the u.k. contrast that to the same price, for three toronto independent singer-songwriters. therefore, appealing to the audience that they should support your work is untenable given the competitiveness of the market, and the unproven nature of the talent.

i've thrown like 20 + parties and made a reasonable name for my promotion company and the talent that we bring. yeah it's stressful when people don't show, but they don't OWE it to me to show up. and i can be okay with the attendance because i'm intimately aware of the my positioning within the scene, with regards to the overall size of the scene, the demographics of my scene, and the nature of the talent that i'm bringing. so when i get contacted by a dj who wants to charge me x amount, i can say, look, the evidence doesn't support your asking for that much money, how about this instead. and when i see people at an event the following night, and they say to me, "i'm sorry i couldn't make it out because of blah blah blah" i always tell them that they don't have to justify how they spend their time to me. that's just how it goes.

it's been epic posting round these parts lately. i think i'm all relaxed from the weekend. the boy and i haven't had the house to ourselves in a while, so we've been enjoying some QT. tonight for dinner is a roasted tomato soup with olive garden salad and that cheddar, onion and focaccia toasted sammie i love so much.

fin.

regrets, i've had a few

i made a huge mistake yesterday, and it's weighing heavily on my soul. some of you, who may know me well, will know that i have a bordering-on-ocd need for preparedness, and that i enjoy planning for emergencies/disasters/contingencies (both real and imagined), and exert an inordinate amount of time to this strange and idiosyncratic pursuit. anyway, i also keep on my computer a master list of "stuff". this is stuff that i want: for the house, for my wardrobe, for my cooking career, to accomplish. therefore, on this list, immediately following an item that reads "american apparel booty shorts" and "gold/silver metallic bodysuit" you will find (without irony) "driver's license" and "cpr certification". i've already been made fun of for this, you can withhold your comments.

anyway, one of the things on this monster list, is an emergency kit. like, i basically want the ultimate emergency/first-aid kit. and i want this kit to be in keeping with the government's "emergency preparedness week" guidelines, posted here. the canadian government says that you should be prepared to be okay for 72 hours, but i'd rather make sure i have everything on hand so that i could handle 28 days later with (reasonable) aplomb. so i want like, the ultimate array of bandages and splints and tape and little scissors to cut the tape (or gangrenous limbs, should the need arise), rubbing alcohol, polysporin, etc, etc. and one of those flashlights that you can shake to generate power, and a similar radio, and a little butane burner and a can opener, etc, etc.

now, anyone familiar with shoppers drugmart, knows that you always inevitably end up spending $50 there, on like, q-tips and shampoo. that s**t ain't cheap. so i've been rolling over my optimum club points, and the plan was, that when i had accumulated enough to go on a $150 shopping spree, i would blow it all on my ULTIMATE EMERGENCY SUPPLY KIT. it's taken me about 8 months of buying to save up $10 worth of redeemable optimum club points (this was a long-term plan). yesterday, i bought some lotion and toilet paper, and i didn't have the cash on me, and as i stood there, facing the cashier, contemplating swiping it on my debit card (i should state here that another resolution i've made recently is to pay for things with cash instead of debit), with an increasingly long and cantankerous line of frantic long weekend shoppers growing uneasy behind me............i redeemed the $10 in points.

i woke up thinking about it, and there's been a troubling sense of unease lingering in the back of my mind, since. it's going to take me FOREVER to build up those points again!

ah, life. last night was fun! the music was pretty good overall. my friend knifehandchop played the most HI-larious song. the lyric features this poncey british voice, expounding: "the beatles, were just a band; the clash, were just a band; the rolling stones, were just a band, the arctic monkeys, were just a band; oasis, just a band" and like, every british band ever, over and over and over. it's sooooo funny, and then it's set to hyper rave-y music. then sek played an electro-y set which was really fun, and then the headliner came on and played dubstep. it was actually pretty good, but the mc RUINED IT. there's something about poor toronto mcs (specific to the jungle scene and its miserable subsidiaries) that means that they put on this horrible mimesis of british mcs, who have already become a caricature of earlier, british mcs. so it's this really forced delivery and stupid catch-phrases (the dude last night kept exhorting the crowd to "throw up the five" - i have no idea what that means), and shout outs to the "out of towners". it was pitiful. and he was eating the mic. and he was so loud that the dubstep became secondary.

today is essay writing madness. and then we're going to the boy's aunt's house to eat some kind of sunday easter/his mom's birthday dinnie. i heard we were having a roast. joy!!! i basically like any festive meat, but there's some i enjoy more than others (ie. turkey, you know you're not top five material). i made the birthday cake. it's a "cuban opera cake". it's got four, thin layers of chocolate cake, sandwiching two layers of milk chocolate buttercream, and 1 layer of coffee mousse, all covered in a chocolate glaze. it came out looking pretty nice, and i'm happy with it. i'll post pictures tomorrow. it's one of my more elaborate pieces.

sunday breakfast is a peameal and over-easy egg sammy, with our usual beet-apple-cucumber-carrot-ginger juice.

p.s. i'm all over the new wide-legged jean thing. last night was skinny jean central...and it's so overdone. people do it without even THINKING about it. i just bought a pair of wide legged, wide cuffed, semi-dressy denim shorts. wide legs are more flattering on my body anyway.

fin.

reliable

reliable fish and chips was BUMPIN' yesterday. it was paul wall-to-wall mayhem up in there. i guess it's their busiest day of the year. i don't really understand the roots behind the christian fish-on-fridays thing...could one of my faithful readers educate me? most of the people were getting take out, and as there was only the two of us, we managed to pull up to the counter. the environment is really nice. the ginormous fryer is right in the middle of the space, but it's a testament to how powerful the hood is that the place doesn't smell fishy or fry-y at all. i was actually thoroughly amazed. and the hood is so quiet! it's a technological marvel! the coleslaw is very nice, and better than any of the other places we've tried. at harbord fish'n'chips, the coleslaw comes mulched like it came out of a wood chipper. the one at reliable, as you can see, is shredded and has a crisp texture and the dressing is proper: mayo-based, but with enough acid so that it's not gloppy and overpowering. we got 1 order of the halibut to split, and 1 order of the 2 piece haddock. the batter is crunchy, and slightly sweet. very pleasant. the fries are proper, and the vinegars (which i don't use) come in spray bottles.

i always prefer haddock to halibut. halibut has a tendency to get a little dry when fried, it ends up having the texture of overcooked chicken breast. haddock manages to stay nice and flaky most of the time, and it has more of a delicate fish flavour, whereas halibut is all about it's robust and meaty texture. they also have an organic salmon option, and fried clam strips, which we didn't try, but they sounded tantalizing. another nice touch is that the tartar sauce, even though i'm sure it comes in large buckets, is squeezed into those little wee paper dipping cups, as opposed to harbord and duckworth's, who just give you the little plastic packages, which are always a bit of a mess.

all in all, for being in the neighbourhood, reliable is very good. however, i would still rank harbord as #1. harbord's batter is unparalleled. it comes off in great, glass-like sheaths in your mouth and is shatteringly crisp. it's unbelievable. portions are also slightly larger, and for a little less money (you can get a deal for 2 with 2 pops for just under $20). and you can sit outside when the weather is nice, which is also pleasant, watching the traffic go by on harbord, in the dusk. we've also been to duckworth's, which is another popular choice on the east end of town (some say the #1), but i think it was way overrated. reliable is now in my #2. better coleslaw, and i like the option of having gravy for dipping my fries in.

so the best movie of 2006 has got to be "half nelson". it took my breath away. i've been wanting to see it for a while, but every time we were at the video store, knowing what i knew about it (that it's about a drug-addicted teacher), i didn't want to go down (what i thought was going to be) a harrowing road (a la "requiem for a dream" or any other movie about addicts). it WAS harrowing, but it was also beautiful. the pacing, the direction, the aesthetic, the acting, the characters, the story as it unfolded, were all executed with grace and poignancy. i can't even describe it enough to do it justice, but i urge you all to watch it. the performances are all so powerful. and ryan gosling is an actor of epic proportions. he managed to convey sadness, tenderness, pleading, hope, despair, resignation, all in one moment. and the little girl, shareeka epps, was stoic, reserved, and so vulnerable at the same time. the direction was beautiful and restrained, without any look-at-me! contrivanaces...lots of still, sun-drenched, saturated colours, and evocative set-dressing that really captured the feeling of the film. the music really matched the aesthetic as well, and mimicked the way i used to feel and the visual sense i used to get listening to a very specific kind of idm. i'm looking for it online now.

i really can't say enough about it. it was robbed at the oscars. ryan gosling was robbed. i saw a lot of movies this year, and i had thought "children of men" was my favorite. but "half nelson" is the one for sure. it's the kind of movie that i'm still thinking about, and would want to own, and that says a lot for me, because i'm generally not a re-watcher. also...ryan gosling is like, wicked hot! i didn't see "the notebook", but any of the commercials for movies he's been in haven't really done him justice. his eyes are so expressive! but he's definitely way hotter with the scruff.

today we're having dr. rei over for dinner, and then we're going to see this dude loefah who's the don dada of ragamuffin dubstep. i'm still not completely 100% on the genre, but i'm going because my male doppelganger will be there, and it's a night of fun (especially as i haven't hung with dr. rei in forever!). i'm working an 8 hour shift at the library, and i'm treating myself. yesterday was a total write-off. i applied for some jobs, but didn't crack a book or type a school-related word. ah well...i need one of those every now and then! and i have all tomorrow to do school work, so i'm okay with it.

tonight for dinner we're having a roasted butternut squash, sage, and parmesan pasta with whole wheat penne and olive garden salad. and for dessert, we're having butterscotch pudding.

fin.

good friday!

and what a lovely friday lies ahead of me. even though i have to finish one paper, and hopefully start and finish another one, i'm excited to have the day off with the boy. we're going for a jaunt up to the mennonites, and then later, like the good food-tourist religious pilferers we are, we're obeying the "fish on friday" edict by going to reliable fish'n'chips on queen. they recently got the restaurant makeover once-over, and my favorite designer of the bunch, cherie, did the interior, and it looks fabulous. people have been giving the place good reviews for years, and it's walking distance! i do love me a good fish'n'chippie. i also have to bake a cake for the boy's mum's birthday today. it's going to be quite elaborate (if it turns out!)

last night was soooo much fun. the roomie's crew of friends (they all go back to grade school, and the "newest" friend other than me, they met in grade 9) are awesome, funny, smart people. my doppelganger made us a ricotta gnocchi, with a mixed mushroom-porcini-asiago sauce. we also had a big salad that someone else had brought with a poppyseed dressing. and for an appetizer, we had a platter of bread, crackers, gruyere, gorgonzola, st. andre, figs, and home-made proscuitto from the italian grocery up the street from me. the italian grocer up the street from me, masellis, makes me feel happy-sad at the same time. happy because i have access to amazing pastas, and the best cured meats, and a wonderful butcher. sad because people in my neighbourhood are idiots, and would rather eat the crap that they can buy from IGA. so it's usually me, and some old skool italian/mediterranean peeps, and i'm afraid their customers are going to dry up and then they'll have to leave. to say that i resist the gentrification of the danforth would be putting it lightly.
anyway, last night was so much fun! i loved it. i love it when you get integrated into a friend's crew and it happens seamlessly.

we're planning a big group vacation. at first, we were thinking of taking an RV and driving either out east, or out west. but RVs are FLIPPIN expensive! like you wouldn't believe! it was going to work out to about $1500 per person once you included gas and whatnot. so then we decided to either do an all inclusive resort, but to me, the idea of going somewhere hot during the best months of ontario seems a little silly, especially when it's hurricane season down south. so i think we're going to cheap out and rent a cottage together. you can get a SIIICK cottage that would work out to about $200/person, and then you just have to buy your food and rent a car to get your ass up there. and really, there's few things i love more in the world than napping on the floor of a screened in porch, listening to the sounds of cottage country and feeing that deep, clean air lulling me to sleep. it's like heaven for me.

full review of the fish'n'chips (with pics!) to come tomorrow!

fin.

dear globe and mail

i was just kidding. you could've hired me and i really would've been okay with getting paid 18/hour for the summer. really! sincerely, warmest regards, yukmouth.

so i didn't get the job. booooooooooooooo. this resulted in some self-pitying karl lagerfeld-style (which is more akin to shouty rage - most emotions k.l.-style are more akin to shouty rage) about how i'm never going to get a good job, and that all the ass-kissers in the world always win the cushy jobs, and me, with my lined, burned, scarred hands, am doomed to a life of menial servitude and drudgery. and i'm 28 years old!!! how is it possible that with 8 years of post-secondary education, the best job i've ever had is being a PAGE at the public library?!? howfor? whyfor?

after i was done hiding under a comforter wailing while the roomie and the boy observing my huddled, prostrate form, cheered me up with platitudes and jokes at my expense, i came to my senses. i'm going to be a librarian. we're valued in this society. my days of working crappy jobs are numbered, and i'm going to do great things. i don't even NEED all that much money, because i'm loving-life rich already. it just rankles, sometimes. because i see some people who don't work an honest day in their lives have convenient horseshoes shoved up their butts getting golden, while i've worked my ass off to get nowheresville. all that being said, in your darkest hours, it's always nice to have the succor of facebook on your side, to cheerfully remind you that it's way better being me, then being stuck married to THAT guy, or doing THAT job, having THOSE interests, and being THAT unfunny. yikes.

i think i have a good shot at the globe and mail job in the fall, and that one is only part-time. which is a blessing in disguise, cuz i REALLY didn't want to work full time this summer if i could help it. this is supposed to be the summer of CRUNK. also, i really did hit it off well with the lady there, and she offered to mentor me, and she also offered to put in a good word for me and keep an eye out for me, so i think i made my first ever industry contact! i'm balls at networking most of the time. it's not my style to schmooze and "network", but this one came about naturally. so this whole experience was generally positive.

in other news, my new favorite breakfast is *drumroll* the guacamole sandwich. it's boom. i make a chunky guac with red onion, lime juice, salt and pepper (i skip the garlic and stuff, cuz i'm doing this in the morning on limited time). i toast a whole grain bagel, slop the guac on, and then cover the two surfaces with thinly sliced medium-old white cheddar, and melt it in the oven. HEAVEN! plus it really keeps you full for a hella long time.

dinner tonight is a potluck at my doppelganger's house. we're celebrating the roomie's LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. for those of you not living with midwives-in-training (and i do understand we're a select and chosen few) the magnitude of this fact cannot be underscored enough. it's HUGE. her school is worse than med school in terms of the degree of commitment you make to the job, and the degree to which you sacrifice anything resembling a real life. anyway, so it's potluck and there's going to be drunken shenanigans cuz tomorrow is good friday and we ain't go s**t to do (besides mountains of school work). i'm bringing my devil's food cupcakes with brown sugar buttercream. which are the best cupcakes ever. the devil's food cake recipe whips up so easy, but is moist and dense and chocolatey. and the brown sugar buttercream is beyond description. it's light, and moussey, and has that warm, caramel depth of flavour that you get from brown sugar. it's divine. we're also bringing juice, and pancetta wrappped, gorgonzola stuffed figs, to be popped under the broiler and served as an appetizer nibbly.

fin.

dear globe and mail

please just call me and tell me that i didn't get the job already, so i'll have one less thing to be neurotic about. sincerely, yukmouth.

i mean seriously! if you've already got some mentor broad (a mentoree?) why you be stringing me along?! how long does it take?!? quit playing games with my heart!!

in other news, we had lunch at the gallery grill yesterday at hart house on u of t campus yesterday. it was absolutely lovely. i had a house-cured duck proscuitto to start, and then the cassoulet. my doppelganger bought us dessert (we were celebrating the roomie's graduation from 4 1/2 years of the most grueling school imaginable), which was a chocolate scotch ice cream, a lemon souffle tart with rhubarb, and a maple creme brulee with little sugar cookies. the space is completely beautiful.

i got a lot of work accomplished yesterday, but didn't actually write anything. i'm going to try to start and finish a paper today, and then use good friday to start and finish another one. one of my profs is insane. he wants us to touch on 4 different topics, use 6 different sources, tie them all together, in a paper that is FIVE TO SIX PAGES LONG. like, why you gotta be like that, guy?!? seriously!

last night we ended up having mama's pizza for dinner. tonight is going to be leftover matzoh ball soup with olive garden salad. i'm back to eating healthy again. i kind of have to as i'm starting to feel gross. not as gross as this drop-dead-gorgeous contestant on "the search for the next pussycat doll", anastacia, feels when the other girls make her feel fat for eating a piece of dessert when she gets stressed out. nor as gross as when the "creator and visionary" of the pussycat dolls tells her she has to watch her stomach area because the dresses are very unforgiving. this show made me livid last night.

fin.

the pursuit of crappyness

my brother unleashed a zinger the other night. we were watching the previews before "casino royale" and one for the "pursuit of happyness" came on (SEE! EVEN THE BLOGGER SPELL CHECK DOESN'T ALLOW THAT ABUSE OF PROPER ENGLISH AND IS GIVING ME SOME PROPER RED-LINE GRIEF ABOUT IT). the roomie really wants to see it, but i'm considerably less enthused. anyway, at one point, i go: "so, does he live in a bathroom when he gets kicked out of his apartment?"
my brother: "i think his aunt and uncle take him in"
*pause*
my brother: "they live in bel-air"

LOL! we all almost died laughing. the typing doesn't do my bro's comedic timing justice.

my presentation yesterday went okay...everyone else KILLED it, but i had the misfortune of having the prof basically steal my thunder and touch on everything i was going to broach during my portion, BEFORE i did my bit. boooooooo!

i also did something really bad yesterday, and it's making me feel guilty about my prospects of ever being a successful librarian. i told some kid off. we have a few kids in the neighbourhood, who come in and use the computers EVERY SINGLE DAY. now, the library sets a limit of 1 hour computer use per card per day, but these kids jump from computer to computer, and they break all sorts of other rules. we have computers that are designated "no games" computers, but the kids are always on there, and then you have to tell them to turn off their crappy online games (not even the good ones!) and then they give you guff. we have this one dude, who is in grade 9-10 who is in the library, every single day, from open to close. so he's playing games on one of the computers that you're not supposed to, so i told him to turn it off, and pointed at the sign. and he KISSED HIS TEETH AT ME. now, that's basically the same as slapping me in the face (imo). it drives me f**king NUTS. so i told him that if he doesn't like the rules, he can go someplace else, and use their computers and game all he likes. then he told me to GET OFF HIS BALLS. and insinuated that i was a lesbian (in an unkind way). so i kinda snapped and hissed back, "why don't you go get a LIFE" not the most stellar or cutting of witty rejoinders, i know. but i'm feeling really guilty about it, because we are in an economically disenfranchised neighbourhood, and i dunno...i just feel bad. i'm also questioning my ability to be cool and not smack other, future kids, upside the head when they give me lip. yikes.
worst. librarian. ever.

today the house-family is having lunch with the roomie's friend from out of town, at my doppelganger's restaurant. very exciting!!! it's on u of t campus. dinner tonight is supposed to be roasted squash and mascarpone pasta...but i'm really not feeling like cooking lately. all i want to do is eat take out junk. so we'll see what happens. last night we went on a nightly walk, and i suddenly had the urge to stuff the world into my gut, so we went looking for snacks. we happened on an indian sweet shop, purely by accident, and discovered one of the loveliest sweets EVER. it's like a little pistachio and cardamom flavoured spongecake, soaked in syrup. absolutely delightful. they also had a pistachio flavoured, version of what can only be described as indian fudge, coloured a violent and aggressive and very much artificial kelly green. it was my number 2 favorite. you can only eat a few of those sweets at a time, as they're so rich and sweet and flavourful.

fin.

almost-hunk

"casino royale" was thoroughly entertaining, although after "the holiday", i think we could have seen director's cut footage of the christmas burning log-fake fireplace show and we would've been happy. daniel craig is a good looking guy, but (sorry sis) he doesn't make my current list of hunkdom. i don't find blond-haired dudes attractive. eva green is stunning, but she wore entirely too much makeup for a lot of the film. it was fast paced and rough around the edges, and a big contrast to the almost farcical, dandyish, brosnan portrayals of the past few years. i think it's a welcome improvement.

something funny happened the other night. we (the immediate house family: me, the boy, and the roomie) were sitting around watching the previews before "the holiday", and we were all laughing uproariously at some witty banter between me and the boy. the roomie, suffused with the congenial atmosphere of our camaraderie, exclaims, "i like you guys!" at the exact same instant, in the same breath, i exclaimed, "i like spiderman!". it was very revealing of our respective personalities. the same thing happened during "casino royale" last night. as bond deftly broke some poor guy's neck from behind, with a neat little snap, the roomie exclaimed, "that's horrible!" at the exact some moment that i yearningly exhaled, "i want to learn how to do that." haha!

my brother came over last night and hung out for a bit too. he usually comes over and mooches dinner off of me after his dodgeball games. it was a good crew...my new bfffffff is a card, and so is my brother, then the boy's friend stopped by briefly.

today is my long day. in honour or passover, i made matzoh ball soup. i took the chicken carcass from the other night, made a nice, simmered extensively, fragrant chicken stock. i strained this, and added in chopped: onion, garlic, carrot, celery, rutabaga, parsnip, celery root, parsley, thyme and dill. i made my special dilled-matzoh balls. and eaten together, they're going to be the ultimate restorative celebration of spring. i might also pack my new favorite sandwich: old cheddar on ace bakery foccaccia with thinly sliced white onion, toasted in the toaster oven. lots of fruit and stuff to snack on.

fin.

hip-deep in the ol' b.s.

i'm almost done my paper (i'm in the midst of writing page 8 of 10 as we speak). huzzah! i made so much headway yesterday morning that i allowed myself saturday night off. we watched a god-awful movie, which was about a million times worse than i had thought it was going to be (a holiday-themed, romance-based, middling trifle). it was beyond terrible. it's by the same director as "what women want" and "something's got to give", and i guess what the director thinks "women" want is depictions of themselves as fluttery, emotional, wacky, zany, shallow wrecks. it was sexist, racist, poorly acted, and the dialog made me want to gouge my eyes out. it featured women being taken advantage of by ugly cads, and then kind of structured it so that it was the women's fault the men cheated. laaaaaaaaaaaame.

it was also TWO HOURS LONG! who DOES THAT?!? tonight we have casino royale. so i have to finish my paper, abstract a 6 minute presentation out of it, and then d/l and print the articles i'm using for my online information paper on user assessment and i get to kick back to some debonair men, fast cars, death-defying stunts, and limpid-eyed women.

i also got into an argument (and almost made 50 bucks) on our friend who came over, who didn't believe me about the lamb's blood on the door for passover. i was like, dude! that's why it's called PASS OVER! so jesus doesn't take your first-born son! sheesh.

sunday morning family breakfast is soft-to-hard (depending on personal taste) boiled eggs on toast. with a beet-carrot-ginger-apple-cucumber juice. we're having my new bffffff over for dinner. she's vegetarian, so we're having: tofu and long bean stir fry in chili-black bean sauce on rice. and i usually make these pork-stuffed, deep-fried eggplant pockets, but i'm going to try replacing the pork with tofu mixed with garlic, ginger, shaoxing wine, sesame oil, soy, salt and sugar, stuffing that in the eggplant and see how it goes. we end up eating them dunked in sweet chili sauce, so whatever we do it ends up tasting ace, anyway.

fin.