Ugh.

Ugh ugh ugh. It's been a trying week.  A lot of instability at work that I can't really talk about, save to say that my work is not immune to the public sector constrictions that are happening everywhere as a result of the global economic crisis.  Any way you slice it, it's bad for morale.

It's not helping that my mum and Big D are continuing to use me as their filial whipping boy.  I would have thought that having spent the majority of her years in North America, that my mum would be able to resist the sexism of Chinese culture, but no.  The boys will always get a free pass.  My sister will always be the "good" child, which leaves me as the repository for all their frustrations.  I don't "behave" properly.  I'm not "obedient" or "accommodating" enough.  It gets incredibly frustrating and demoralizing.  Emails are flying back and forth with this weird blanket caveat "we're not showing favoritism" but then my name gets flung in there and weird comments get made about how my proclivity for prioritizing my friends over my family has been noted, purportedly without prejudice.  The expectations of me are so much more and it's annoying that my brothers get a free pass.  They basically get to flit in and out and do as they please, without being held accountable for how they're not being "accommodating" or "helpful" enough.

I get that kids are going to get treated differently.  I do.  But what I do resent is being the ONLY kid who gets consistently s**t on and being held to a different standard than my equally capable siblings.

One of the big issues is scheduling.  We can't see eye to eye on this matter at all.  My parents insist that I try to have things done according to "my" schedule and refuse to be accommodating to their scheduling needs and only try to arrange things when it's convenient for me.  The big, gaping lacuna in their logic is that EVERYONE IS TRYING TO WORK THEIR SCHEDULES OUT SO THAT IT'S CONVENIENT FOR THEIR OWN, EQUALLY BUSY, LIVES.  So, when my sister said that it would work better for her and Uncle Rico to have my grandma's birthday dinner on a Saturday instead of Sunday, presto changeo! Dinner is on Saturday without comment.  When I send an email stating what blocks of time we have free to do something, then suddenly it becomes that I'm making demands, and not requests.  It's completely illogical and irrational.

It's like trying to set up a meeting request in Outlook and then flipping out when you want to have a meeting on Monday at 2pm and two of the attendees have something from 2-2:30pm and that time is blocked off.

Blargh.  That's just the tip of the iceberg.  I'm also my own worst enemy, because I have somehow sublimated some of that Confucian filial piety thing so that I still feel guilty.  Which is my own problem.  I gotta accept it and move on.  My new mission is to ignore and play the part of Bruce Wayne.  Do what I like when I like, don't try to organize things in advance, and let them howl.

There is also a valuable takeaway here, and it involves parenting and like, NOT PLAYING FAVORITES.  Haha. No really; I'm currently reading Alison Bechdel's new comic memoir (ie. it's not a comedy, but it's a memoir presented in comic form), Are You My Mother? and it's got a bunch of psychoanalysis type stuff based on her own therapy sessions, her readings of Virginia Woolf and most of the major psychoanalysts (Freud, Jung, etc.), and based mostly on this dude Donald Winnicott's theories on the transitional object and more importantly, the true self and the false self.  Basically, the true self is the confident, self-actualized, creative you.  Living your true self is awesome.  The false self is when you internalize or subsume your true self and model the behaviour that's expected of you, so that you become more like your mother, father, caregiver, etc.  It's an unconscious process, and you can trick others and even yourself into thinking that the false self is who you really are.  But what ends up happening is that even if you're successful with your false self, you feel kind of sad and empty and lonely (obvi!)

If I were to armchair psychoanalyze myself, I would say that Mom and Big D have problems dealing with my true self and want me to be more of a false self.  The problem is, I can probably say that from, say, BIRTH, I've never been a false self kind of person.  This is a positive in some respects (I tend to be very happy/content and confident and creative) and negative in others (I can be tactless and have problems seeing things from other people's perspectives).  Mom and Big D just can't handle my true self.  Does this mean that I'm off the hook from humoring them?  No.  I'm not so unreflexive as to think that.  But at the same time, our clashes seem to always come down to the fact that I don't behave the way they want me to.  Am I doing something horrible?  No.  I just have my own way of scheduling the life of myself, my partner, and our young son.  Because it's such a minor thing, I don't really think it requires changing, especially since every OTHER aspect of my life is helped along by this one tendency (ie. my tendency to be organized and be a planner).

Ultimately, we both have to love each other for who we are, not for who we want the other person to be.  I think I can safely say that I don't really expect or want anything from my parents on the regular.  I don't want or need them to change in some fundamental way in order for our relationship to change.  I just get irritated when they call me out and single me out for rando s**t.  But whatever.  As the Dotytron is fond of saying, HATERZ GON' HATE.

Tonight is softball and it is very close to our house and I am very excited about that.  Last night I went home and we had clam pizza for dinner and a lovely beet salad over arugala and CSA greens with goat's cheese and candied pecans.  Momma D came over for dinner and a visit.  It was yum.  And I treated myself to a decompressing-from-stress fudgesicle.  The kids went out and put on their boots and splashed in the post-rain puddles.  If that pic above isn't one of the cutest things you've ever seen, then you must be living in Sanrio World in Japan.

Tonight we had pimento cheese, mortadella, and pickle paninis with chips.

And I made a key lime pie ice cream base which I churned this morning so it will be ready to be my post-softball treat.

There is something magical that happens when you mix eggs, condensed milk, and lime juice.  It thickens up so nicely on its own.  I've posted my recipe below for any and all of you who have an ice cream maker, along with Christina Tosi's graham crust, which I baked off and chunked into the ice cream to give it that real, key lime pie flavour.

Fin.

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Key Lime Pie Ice Cream


1 1/2 c. whipping cream (you could probably use coffee cream)
1 1/2 c. milk (I used 2%)
1 can of condensed milk
4 egg yolks
1/2 c. lime juice
zest of two limes

- heat the milk and cream in a saucepot over medium heat until the mixture comes to just under a simmer.
- add the lime zest and let this steep
- whisk together the condensed milk and the egg yolks and the lime juice
- slowly temper this mixture with the hot milk-cream
- pout the tempered eggs back into the pot and cook over low heat, stirring/whisking constantly, until the mixture just comes to a bare, bare simmer and thickens
- cool the mixture overnight and churn as per your ice cream maker's directions.

Momofuku Milk Bar's Graham Crust
tweaked with my minor, minor adaptations


1 1/2 c. graham crumbs
1/2 c. powdered milk
2 T. sugar
1 t. salt
4 T. unsalted butter, melted
1/4 c. whipping cream

- preheat the oven to 250F
- in a bowl, toss together the dried ingredients until evenly combined.  Add the liquid ingredients and stir until wet, sandy "clumps" form.
- dump these clumps onto a silpat  or parchment-lined baking tray and bake for about 30 minutes, stirring every 10 minutes or until the clumps are toasted and feel dry.
- break the clumps into smaller pieces and fold half this amount into your churned ice cream before you freeze.

Sooooo much dramas!

*My head asplodes*  Okay...so the sketchy neighbours we share the driveway with (we call her Mad Eye Moody for reasons that would be evident if you dear readers, were to ever see her in real life), got a dog.  No big deal, it's just another check off the ol' adhering-to-low-income-stereotypes list.  Of COURSE they got a husky-german shepherd mix.  OF COURSE.  OF COURSE they don't walk the dog, ever, and just let it run loose.

So a few neighbours had already asked her to keep her dog on a leash.  I don't particularly care about that, but what I *do* care about is her dog pooping on our side of the back area (which is one big open area until we can put up a fence).  What the Dotytron certainly cares about is NOT stepping in a pile of dog poop (he had shoes on, thank goodness!) on our deck when he goes to take out the trash/recycling/whathaveyou.

Anyway, we asked her a few times to please pick up after her dog.  I still find dog poop, so I talked to the tenant relations person that manages the property. Contemporaneously, our one busy-body neighbour called animal control on Mad Eye (independent of us).  So the Dotytron goes out back to put out some green waste yesterday and finds our garbage, recycling, and green bins on Mad Eye's side of the yard.  When he opens up our green bin (which, if you recall, I spray painted, along with our garbage and recycling bin, with our address and the words, "fire walk with me" when we first moved in, which PREDATES Mad Eye moving in by a whole year), what does he find?  Loose dog poop.  Unbagged.  Sitting in OUR green bin.

So he's obviously pissed off.  Mad Eye comes home from an outing and they have a discussion, where she gets all wrangy because animal control was called on her (again: not by us!) and accuses us of STEALING her recycling and garbage bin.  According to her, they're given an ID number and the ones we have been using are not ours and are hers.  I'm like, "you crazy!" because the dog poop has nothing to do with the bin stealing, but whatevers.  I call Toronto's universal line, 311, and as it turns out, our garbage can ISN'T ours! The recycling can is ours, the green bins are like everyone's - they're not given a unique identifier.  So according to the rep I talked to at the City, the City is "opening an investigation" into our M.I.A. bin which will be concluded WITHIN THIRTY DAYS, at which point, if they can't find my bin (and let's think about this here: what are they going to do?  CSI that shiz?  Put up signs?  Take statements?), they send me a replacement one.  I'm like, "where am I supposed to put my garbage for a month?" and the rep is all like, "who said that? Is that a crazy talking squirrel?" So whatever.  

I go over to Mad Eye's house and tell her what I learned.  She explains, in her Mad Eye Moody way, that she was angry cuz she thought we called animal control (and I assured her we didn't) and she thought we hated dogs.  I explain that I have no problem with dogs, but the reason I don't have a dog is because I don't want to pick up dog poop, so you can imagine how frustrating it is to NOT have a dog and STILL have to deal with dog poop.  Anyway, she calmed down and seemed reasonable about it.  She was also mad that I contacted the property management person but I was like, well look, we'd already asked you a few times and you hadn't done anything...so we didn't know what to do..." and she's all like, "well, I'd appreciate you telling me because every time they get a complaint I get a mark next to my name" and I kinda clucked sympathetically but internally I was like, "well, BE NORMAL ABOUT STUFF THEN!" but obviously I didn't say that.  So she agreed to clean out our green bin for us and that was that.

I was mentally exhausted from it all yesterday.  It was just too much!  Thankfully we had an episode of Game of Thrones to watch, which I washed down with one of two (!) free coconut waters Dr. Rei and I scored on our lunchtime walk yesterday.  I was also feeling down because we had that crappy dinner the Dotytron had made.  It was an unsatisfying night with a happy ending in the form of coconut water and fantasy political intrigue.

Tonight was Friday Night Takeout Night, so we checked out this new place my neighbour (a totally normal neighbour) hepped me to, called Leslieville Pumps.  They took over this old convenience store attached to a gas station and put in a new façade, but I had thought that the inside was still gas-station convenience store, with a new old timey country store outer. As it turns out, they've turned it into a store/take out restaurant serving smoked brisket and stuff.  We got the smoked brisket sammy (with fried onions), the pulled pork sammy (with coleslaw), and the smoked chicken sammy (with arugala and tomato).  We also got poutine, and coleslaw and cornbread muffins.  Everything was really, really good!  I have small quibbles, the barbecue sauce is applied a little too heavily and it's a bit of a one-note sauce...a sweet Kansas-city style that's a little too sweet for my personal taste.  But the coleslaw is fantastic - nice celery seed seasoning, perfect amount of light mayo dressing, great texture, and only SIXTY CENTS A PORTION!  The poutine features fresh cut fries, and real curds.  I wasn't a fan of the cornbread muffins, but that's because I really prefer my own cornbread.  This version wasn't too sweet and had pieces of fresh corn.  All in all, my quibbles were small (rhyme!), for a barbecue option that's so close, is out of a gas station, and is run by really well-intentioned, well meaning people who seemed super-hype on their project and receptive to input and constructive criticism (the owner/chef came in and was super-cute and was asking a local rubbie what he thought of the renos and was super-friendly with us).  I just think it's so cute.  The gas station part is overseen by this sweet Sri Lankan couple and apparently they're going to offer late-night curry (made by the Sri Lankan couple).  So cute!!!

I'm so pumped tonight is Friday, guys.

Fin.

Done.

For realsies this time. Finished my final take home exam for my Public Accounting and Finance course, which was as scintillating and uninformative as the course title would suggest. It's kind of alarming how many paragraphs I can fill with sound and fury, signifying nothing. Worked hard on it all day Monday and Tuesday and now I'm DONE! So now I can embark on my weekend in good conscience. What's that you say? The weekend is still three days away? That today is only the proverbial "hump" day? FALSE! My weekend starts today - with a trip to work to celebrate a colleagues 60th birthday (and to eat cake for breakfast!), a visit from Lolly and JSculls (with sweet baby V in tow) so that we can loll around by the pool and eat brunch and otherwise be ladies of leisure, and the inaugural meeting of my Knit Club tonight.

Knit Club features a lot of overlapping members of Academic Book Club - except this time, we bring a crafting/sewing/knitting project and sit around flapping our gums and getting work done at the same time. Fun! I'm toting my sewing machine to start piecing together my blocks for the chevron quilt I'm making for the Big Yam.

A Big Yam, who, quite possibly, is lagging behind on his fine motor skills. We took him in for his 9 month well baby visit (no shots!) where our Doctor asked me a series of questions about his development. He's killing it on the gross motor skills front - crawling, he's been pulling himself up to standing for a while, etc. But fine motor skills? I dunno. Pincer grip? Not so much. Passing an object from one hand to the other? Meh. Putting his arms up to be picked up? Nope. Although I have to say, those skills seem pretty arbitrary. Take waving "bye bye" - we just don't have much of an occasion to do that around these parts. We don't leave him on a regular basis with other people. He's with me all the time! We're past the point of saying "hi" and "bye" - it's like waving hi and bye to your roommate. It just doesn't happen. The Dotytron thinks that he passes an object from one hand to another, but I haven't seen it. And when he wants to be picked up, he crawls over to us and hoists himself up, looking cute. Why isn't looking cute a fine motor skill?

Monday was a bit of a rough day. I was feeling stressed about the pinch on our finances, about some drama with my bros, and to cap it all off, I received a letter from my bio dad saying that after the series of dramas we've been having for the past few months (which I had thought we had come to a workable resolution to at our last in person meeting in early July), his wife had informed him that that she would divorce him if he continued to see us and that the stress and upheaval weren't worth it to him. So I guess I'm effectively estranged from my big poose of a bio dad. And the Big Yam will have seen him all of one time in his life, and that when he was less than a month old. Ah well. It's not like the Big Yam's missing much. I will say that at our last meeting, when I questioned why my dad wanted to be involved with us at all, seeing as how his interest in us was diffident at best, he said that he wanted to keep tabs on the Big Yam because from the first time he saw the Boobla, he could read his future on his face (there's a Chinese expression for it) and that the Big Yam was/is/will be destined for a "remarkable" future and remarkable things. When he said that, I flashed to images of the Big Yam looking like this:

and like this:

and I was like, "remarkable? Really?" LOL. I'm kind of sad about the whole thing - I think it's unfortunate but ultimately, it's my dad's loss. I feel sorry for him and his sad, lonely life, where these are the kinds of choices you make.

Onto a happier subject: tomorrow we're leaving to visit H & A for a long weekend in Cleveland! Yay! H has apparently planned our weekend down to the minute. According to him, Cleveland is actually pretty cool (for a weekend) and he wants every second to count. Friday night we're apparently going to some 20s style speakeasy party under a bridge. How cool is that? Love those guys - can't wait! Road trip!

Onto even more happier subjects: dinner! Tuesday night I made us a seared steak caesar salad:

Last night we had breaded and fried tilapia fingers with homemade tartar sauce and a red cabbage/scallion slaw:

Tonight the plan is lamb burgers with some kind of salad.

Fin.

Hiatus

I've taken an extended March Break hiatus from blogging, which isn't to say there hasn't been mucho excitement 'round these parts. We spent the bulk of the break down in Geneseo with my sis and Uncle Rico and the family, which meant a lot of eating fatty food, checking out the designer reissues at Target, prepping for my interview, and loafing. We did manage to squeeze in some activity time - we hit the bowling alley whereupon I promptly DECIMATED my previous all-time bowling best score by bowling a game with 3 strikes, which is practically unheard of for me and was made all the more staggering considering I did so with the Big Yam riding shotgun in the wrap on my back. Amazing!

Little Little Cuz is cute-ing up like crazy. This is a picture from late February when my sis and fam were in town for my Kung Kung's funeral, but look at what a little gaffer he is:

He has an extremely endearing baby pterodactyl scratchy thin voice and is capable of exhibiting much anguish. It's very cute. He has these hoarse little high pitched wailing cries which are hilarious.

Geneseo also involved Wii Jeopardy which was SO. MUCH. FUN (if you're a Jeopardy-fanatic - and I come from a family of Jeopardy disciples.)

We came back in time to experience the tail half of a March Break that's been filled with socializing. On St. Paddy's Day we entertained no less than THREE sets of visitors - starting with H and baby D in the early afternoon, then JSculls and Lolly, and THEN for dinner we had A in from NYC and Bobes. I was busy doing interview prep so the Dotytron was in charge of the annual St. Paddy's feast - he did a bang-up job. We had champ (scallion mashed potatoes), braised cabbage with apples & bacon, and mustard-brown sugar oven baked corned beef:

I had my interview yesterday. I *think* it went well. The prep work that I did and the suggestions my sister, the Dotytron, and Bruce Wayne (who was also down in Geneseo) offered was really valuable. I was making the standard mistake of burying my answers and offering too much explanation when we were prepping - so during the interview I made sure to front-load the answer and then spend the time with the explanation and background. You're always going to beat yourself up - there were some points that I wish I had wanted to hit that I neglected to, some of the situational questions took me off guard, and I stumbled on a really basic question (describe how a bill gets passed into law), but otherwise, I think I came off as poised and eloquent. Ultimately, I have a job that I love and I would prefer to ride out the rest of my maternity leave and not have to scramble any more than I already am for daycare. The thought of leaving the Big Yam before he's even eating solid foods yet is a little heart-wrenching. It's a pretty good position to be in - the most important thing is that I put my face out there and have more interview experience under my belt - it's win-win.

I bought a Mossimo sedate, somewhat matronly, serious grey dress at Target for the interview. The Designer Re-Issues (featuring the best of 5 years of Target designer collaborations) were picked over like whoa by the time I got there, the day after they were released. All that was left was a jersey, blue and green striped Libertine dress that was okay for casual wear, but I found the puffed sleeves unflattering to my jiggly arms, some Rodarte stuff that I thought looked uber-cheap, a Zac Posen party dress (same), a Proenza Schouler pink/purple number in XL, and some Luella and that was about it. I really wanted the Thakoon cyber-floral print dress but it was already gone. Le sigh. Ah well, better than fighting tooth and nail through a pack of rabid PYTs on opening day. My interest in fashion has definitely changed and I'm less committed to putting together stand-out looks...although I do love a good shop now and then. I love my spring/summer wardrobe of vaguely boho muumuus and vintage dresses and smocked stuff but winter is a different story. Having a baby really does mean you dress for comfort and ready access to the boobs so I'm feeling the pinch of having spent the past 3 years building up my work wardrobe. The other thing I love about my current position is that it's pretty business casual (more on the casual side). We can't wear jeans but I can get away with a lot more than I would otherwise. There is a part of me that is looking to start dressing a little more maturely - I'm worried my youthful looks (the florist we worked with for Kung Kung's funeral was shocked I wasn't in late high school, early undergrad) are undermining my professional development. Things I want: a pair of open-toed dark brown-black clogs (that I can wear with tights in the winter and around in the summer), and boyfriend-cut trousers or a pair of jeans that I can roll up at the leg. More colourful flats and belts and candy-coloured cardigans for layering.

Yesterday after the interview it was ANOTHER 3 visit day. I met up with K from work to pick up my Hot Docs festival pass (wahoo!) With a baby, a festival pass is probably ambitious but TPat is visiting with me from Vancouver while it's happening, so I figure that we can go out and watch some docs while the Dotytron watches the baby perhaps...we'll figure something out! Then I came home and met up with S for some coffee and pastries at Bobette and Belle (so dangerous that they're around the corner from us!!!). We rode our bikes and it was my first time on the silver bullet in oh, EIGHT MONTHS AND OH LORD IT FELT SO GOOD! I felt FREE. I'd love to buy myself a new bike this summer or invest in a trailer for Master T, but the Chariot brand ones are like, $600! It's crazy! And because they're so expensive they're hard to come by used. Also, I'm not sure what the smallest size of baby bike helmets are.

Then we had dinner with Dr. Rei at her place, drinking flat root beer and playing with Master T and grilled Hanbo on derivatives when he got home.

Today we woke up early and headed over to the Evergreen Brickworks Farmer's Market. It was my first time going to that complex - it's pretty boss! They have skating and there are trails and the place is huge. The winter's farmer's market was a little meagre, but I could see how it would be bumping in the summer. It was earnest-lefty-urbanite mecca. There's 40 acres of space around there so I'm excited to walk the trails in the summer. We paid $10 for a "big" breakfast from one of the stands that was supposed to feature scrambled eggs, sausage, biscuits, gravy. We got the equivalent of HALF an egg, not even scrambled, but in sad, folded, rubbery, flat pancake form, one sausage patty, two of the densest, most disgusting biscuits I've ever had (we were only supposed to get 1, but he gave us an extra because it was a little small) and some mixed greens. FOR TEN DOLLARS. As soon as we walked away from the stand the Dotytron turned to me and said, "meagre" and it was. I replied, "Ummm...have you ever been to CRACKER BARREL?" I forgot to mention that the sausage gravy was thin, brown, and watery. I'm 100% Canadian but how is it that I know that sausage gravy is a cream-based, flour-thickened concoction and this guy doesn't? At Cracker Barrel you get about 3 times the amount of food and it's actually delicious. The Dotytron kept saying that the breakfast was "wack attack" and that the best thing about it was the salad and that wasn't saying much. We followed it up with a crepe with ham, cheese, green onions, hollandaise, and a fried egg which was much, much better.

So you've been warned. If you go to the Brickworks Farmer's Market, DO NOT get the "big breakfast" but stick with the crepes. Or, do as Master T did and try a pear:

Baby Led Weaning! BLW! We're starting to think about solid food introduction. He's still got the tongue thrust reflex so it's a little early for rice cereal, but I ordered some laminated cotton to make a giant placemat and something to put under the high chair and I've gotten out the spoons and bowls and starting to think about it more concretely. I cut up the pear when we got home into elongated chunks and let him pick it up and play with it and suck on it. I figure if he's going to be gumming anything or gnawing on something, it's better if it's food - even if pears are pretty sweet.

Tonight we're having dinner with B & G and S & P. Fun! Apparently dinner is "Irish themed." Looking forward to seeing those guys. I'm such a lucky pig - so many people to love and see around me.

The most exciting thing that's been happening around here is some family drama involving my deadbeat da' and the woman he married. Without getting into all the ugly details, let's just say it got kicked into high gear with an email from her, to me, calling me a "RUDE HEARTLESS MISERABLE B***H" (capslock hers). CRAY-CRAY! I wasn't too fussed about it because I'm used to that kind of behavior from her, but the Dotytron was pretty upset. In his words, "you are rude and you are a b***h, but you are NOT heartless. You're ALL heart." I think he was offended that someone would think he would allow a heartless person to be the mother of his progeny. Thanks for having my back, Dotytron. I think.

Fin.

hello farm, here we come!

eek! so excited to bust out of dodge and head to farm country and R & R acres! ehmdo is joining us up there on saturday...can't wait! i want to go for a canoe ride on the saugreen river and shoot guns (the dotytron already said i'm not allowed) and ride ATVs (the dotytron already said i'm not allowed) and eat (allowed) and read (allowed) and do farmy type things (allowed).

so the dotytron is signing his contract with the TDSB today! wahoo! and joy of joys, the other private school he likes has agreed to continue to have him on for morning work. wahoo! now he just has to negotiate a raise or something. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!? this means that conceivably, for the first time since starting our respective second career strategies, WE'LL BOTH BE MAKING FULL-TIME MONEY. wahoo! well, technically only for like, 3 months until i go on my mat leave, but still. wahoo! wahoo! wahoo! it's going to be a hard year for the ol' dotytron though. he basically has 45 minutes between schools and he's teaching a full course load at both, and at the private school, he's teaching grade 8 science (we kind of thought they would just have him on for music, but no). the 45 minutes will mostly be taken up with travel time. in a lot of ways, it's harder than if he had tried to duke it out and get by with supply teaching - at least he would have had a bit more flexibility to hang with me and the fatburger...but this is good. he can do this.

i mean, it's not like it's going to be that hard for me. contrary to what my academic book club would have you believe. as i told the dotytron last night, "those honky grandmas be trippin'!" j/k. they're all really lovely. and i don't actually believe that it's going to be easy for me. i just don't like going to into things assuming it's going to be all THAT hard.

they just have a different approach than i do. ultimately, it's whatever you're comfortable with, but i just don't personally see the point of reading all the books on WHAT-IF and WHAT-TO-DO-WHEN scenarios NOW before the little one appears. that to me, is a recipe for stressball city, and i just think that life in general is SO FRAUGHT and there's no way to predict all the little and big curve balls that COULD be thrown at you - i mean, i'd rather meet the little fatburger and then see what's what with him before going into research mode. like, if he starts acting weird and i suspect autism, THEN i'll go into research mode, instead of preemptively scaring the pants off myself and worrying unnecessarily.

my friend C in the book club is doing a tonne of research before her baby is born. she wants to be armed and ready with research when she's sleep deprived because her mum is staying with her and she said her mum has all kinds of crazy ideas about parenting that she wants to be able to refute with studies and her research. so i asked what kind of crazy ideas her mum had, and C said that her mum believes that all babies are manipulative from birth, and that you can't go running to them all the time and that you have to set them up on a feeding schedule and NOT feed on demand. C said that all the books she's said refute her mom's advice and when she brought it up at her prenatal class everyone laughed at her mom's opinion and said it was crazy.

well, guess what? I AGREE WITH C'S MOM! babies are terrorists! and i DO NOT negotiate with terrorists! i'm also not about to be bullied by someone I DON'T KNOW. babies ARE manipulative! they're self-interested, the way we all are. and i just feel like you kind of have to get them onto your schedule or else you end up in attachment parenting/how-do-i-wean-my-4-year-old-off-of-night-feedings land. get the little bugger on a schedule that makes sense for your own life, so you're not a no-sleep boob machine, with some flexibility built in.

then the other part of me feels like by NOT researching like crazy i'm tempting the fates and that the other shoe is going to drop and the little fatburger is going to be nothing but trouble and colicky or have any number of other issues. that's stupid superstitious, right? i dunno! *knocks a billion pieces of wood nervously* i'm not being flippant. i'm not being smug. there are tonnes of things that can/will/probably go sideways - i'm just going to face them when they're presented and not before.

how can the books tell you anything that works? that's why people have to read so many. it's not like babies/people are like simple machines. they're incredibly complex machines. that's why you only have to read ONCE about how to install a light fixture or how to fix your fridge. but with people? to me, that's like reading a book on "how to be in a relationship with the dotytron" - like, him specifically. that's what's happening here. there's no way of knowing what the little being is going to be like, want, need, what their personality is going to be - so what's the point of reading books on how to manage it? i've learned how to be in a relationship with the dotytron by being in a bunch of relationships. i've learned how to i, karl lagerfeld esquire, exist in a relationship. and i think our whole lives have been about preparing us to be us, and then as an extension, us in various scenarios. us as workers, us as colleagues, as friends, as sons/daughters/aunts/uncles and now, parents.

life is a crazy roller coaster. you just have to faith and hope for the best and feel grateful for when things go your way for a bit and be strong when things don't go your way for a bit. be worthy of love. and give love in return.

that's my parenting book. right there.

on a less serious-o note. the dotytron makes me laugh like no one else. as you may or may not know, i'm the budgeter in the family. i do the all the financial wrangling and budget-setting. this summer, the dotytron is getting one paycheque from the one private school which covers all his fixed expenses and making up the rest with his private lessons. anyway, with my super-conservative budgeting, it basically left him with like, $20 spending money for july and august.

i was doing the number crunching yesterday and it turns out that we have a little more scrilla than i had anticipated. so this is how the exchange goes down:

me: "guess what? i did the number crunching and it looks like you'll have more scrilla than we had originally thought!"
dotytron: "sweet! i'm going to buy myself a gujin!"
[note: he's wanted a gujin for a long time. they cost about $800]
me: "well, don't get too excited, it's only like, a few hunny more"
dotytron, continuing as if i hadn't said anything:
"a $24 gujin.
...in the form of a lapel pin"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol! does anyone else find that funny? so funny!

in other news, s-dawg has been pissing me off lately. he just likes to complicate things for the sake of complicating things, but without getting in on the ground level.

so he waits for a plan to get organized, and then SWEEPS IN WITH HIS OWN AGENDA and changes everything. it's intensely irritating.

here's how it went down.

1) dr. rei, hanbo, and a bunch of us had been talking for the past couple of months about going to see the blue jays game in the AYCE seats. i had also invited our cleveland friends H & A to come too, but they're out of town that weekend.

2) i realized that the game is the day after we come back from the cottage so i send out an email to my fam outlining that these were the plans i had in play and wondering what my sis was saying (if she and the fam were heading out early, etc.) and if they wanted to join in if they were staying in town for the day.

3) then my mum busts in out of nowhere and says we have family in town (family i barely know) and we should take them out for dinner

4) i'm like, uh, not really - i'd rather do something fun with my friends before my birthday on the long weekend, i was just checking to see what the general plans were so it wasn't the USUAL disorganized CF it always is with my family

5) then big d busts in and says we have no plans with family (lol!)

6) then my sis says she's in. and the outlaw bro is in. but what to do with the kids?

7) i don't want to re-number these, but point #3 should really say that c-hova says he's going to see drake and is out

8) my mum volunteers to watch the kids.

9) s-dawg busts in and says that he can get us seats at the 1st or 3rd baseline, 4 rows up and that the kids would have fun at the game, too.

10) i say: great! so we can all go to the game together!

11) s-dawg then says that he can't get tix for everyone, just the family.

12) my mum then decides that she wants to spend time with the fam-bam so she's going to come now

12) i ask s-dawg why he's trying to plan a SEPARATE, personal family outing when the original plan was based on me wanting to combine both things and get everyone together

imo, s-dawg is just complicating things for the sake of complicating things and hi-jacking the original plan. in his opinion - i'm throwing a "hissy fit" because people aren't going along with my plan. i think this is a spurious accusation because a) with my plan, we all get to do the same thing and hang out together; and b) the original plan was MY PLAN!

i liken it to this: last week when s-dawg had plans to see the UFC game with his friends, he invited us along. if we had then decided that we didn't want to watch the UFC game at bo-pie and then split off to watch the game from montana's because they had a bigger screen, leaving the friends he had ORIGINATED the plan with at bo-pie, that would have been a bit of a hi-jacking and rude. that's what i feel is being done here.

in the end, it looks like we'll all be at the game, but my family will be in the blinging seats and me and the dotytron etc. will be in the nosebleed seats pigging out on hot dogs and nachos. it's probably for the best because i care about baseball only marginally more than i care about the world cup and i'm really in it to sit in the sun and hang out and stuff my face with people i like. bonus: dr. rei's dad might be joining us too! it just sucks that i won't get to sit with my sis and her family.

anyway, he's been really bugging me lately (there was a whole incident with my cell phone that i never bothered recounting here) so i'm just kind off him at the moment.

in less drama news - there will be minimal to no drama at the farm and i'm mucho looking forward to it.

have a nice weekend everyone!

fin.

gotta cool it...

the story of our old contractor is that he did all this work, fairly cheap. when we asked him to do additional work fixing our closets and installing shelving in there, he quoted us a price of $600, JUST to put in a rod and shelf...not to repair the plaster walls, no priming, no painting. so we were like, wtf? so i send him an email asking him what could POSSIBLY cost $600 - the materials? the labour? the email was also to say that his guys (we call them the jabberwockies because they'r a crew of youngish, ex-old skool hip hoppers who are all asian) thrashed our new ladder we bought and also ran late etc...so we were wondering if we could get some adjustments. then he calls back and makes me feel like poo for "nickel and diming" him when he did all this extra work for free (ie. the price didn't change even though we ended up picking shorter baseboard than what we originally had, so there had to be a lot of plaster work done, the baseboard was 120 ft. instead of 100, blah blah blah" so i'm like, dude, TELL ME WHEN YOU DO THIS STUFF. i was like, i'm not nickel and diming you, but in the future, it's helpful for me to know this stuff, so that when we're settling up, and i see stuff that wasn't done, i know what i'm walking into. and he's all "well, when we're doing it it's not a big deal, we're already there, but when you start nickel and diming..." i was like, a) i didn't ask you to do that stuff and b) i WANT TO PAY YOU FOR THE WORK THAT YOU DID. so we ended up just settling up and i was like, next time, tell me exactly what you're doing so that i'm not caught not knowing that you did extra work and then you calling me on it way late in the game when i'm trying to get you to pay me for that ladder you trashed.

as a chinese person, dealing with another chinese person, i wasn't into being accused of nickel and diming (which, btw, is a confucius-given chinese RIGHT) when i asked what i was getting for my $600. THAT'S when you tell me all the stuff you threw in? get outta here. i do want to maintain a positive relationship with this guy and the jabberwockies because they're cheap and do decent work.

we ended up going with this other guy for our closets - he's done everyone on our street - you name it, he's done it. the street is basically keeping him in business. he charged us $800 but it included fixing the walls, re-taping the drywall and priming. he's also cleaner than the other guy (ie. he constructed this elaborate cardboard protective barrier for our shoes so they wouldn't get all dusty where he was working).

so that was that. during my week off, the old owner had the temerity to come back to the house. did i tell you guys that on labour day weeken, after the house had been good and ours for over 4 days (keys in hand, title transferred) we came by at 10pm on sunday evening to show our friends the place and the old owner was there putting stuff in the trunk of his rav4? yeah! so i went up to him and he kind of jumped and started and spun around a bit, not knowing whether to close his trunk or not...and then i said (in broken cantonese): "ummm, what are you doing?" and he said he had forgotten to get stuff, and was all like, "do you want me to show you what i took?" and i said yes, and he opened up his trunk and it was a few rusty pipes that he used to hang his laundry on (don't ask). i was too shell-shocked to say, don't ever come back here again, which was stupid.

so the week off, old owner's brother came by (he looks exactly the same, they both owned the place). i happened to be cleaning the windows in the master bedroom, so i saw him start down the driveway and then i shouted, "HEY! YOU CANNOT BE HERE" (i was clearly more prepared this time). and he said he was just looking for mail and then i basically screamed (in chinese no more fixed than my last encounter with these knobs) "IF YOU EVER COME BACK HERE I AM CALLING THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. YOU CANNOT BE HERE. YOUR STUPID BROTHER CAME HERE AFTER HOUSE MINE AND TAKE STUFF" and he was like, "well, he wasn't stealing, he didn't move it all." and i was like (picture me, almost getting a nosebleed with my attempts to make sense in my second language): "I CARE NOT. YOU TELL HIM HE COME BACK HERE I CALL POLICE RIGHT AWAY! BOTH OF YOU NEVER COME BACK AGAIN!" then he said i had to calm down and he was only looking for letters and then i had to explain "return to sender" which almost gave me a migraine.

i think i scared him off. what freaks.

on friday night i made us paninis on focaccia. they had: grilled zucchini, grilled eggplant, roasted pepper, sliced onion, provolone, and a fried egg. they were really, really good.

saturday i was hauling the aforementioned sod from off my yard and painting and otherwise working my way through my precious free time. we had my brother over for dinner and i made tagliatelle with wilted radicchio, bagna cauda, and a fried egg with a spinach salad with out-of-season strawberries (sorry, locavores!), toasted almonds, sunflower seeds, and a red wine vinaigrette.

sunday my mum came over to visit the place (her first time) and have brunch with us. we went to okayokay on queen east. this was the site of the famous, "how about your real name" incident. we walked in and we saw there were seats at the bar, with a booth about to be vacated. the same gruff waitress said, "you can have a seat at the bar," and i said, "no thanks, i think we'll wait for that booth" and she looked me right in the eye and said, super stern, "the thing is: i'll seat you at a booth, but i won't seat you at a dirty table, OKAY?" and cocked her head all b***hface on the "okay" part. i was like, so ready to walk out of the place. what the hell kind of service is that? and the food was BEYOND meh. it was actually pretty weak. $10.99 for a "breafkast burrito" consisting of a few scrambled eggs mixed with jack cheese, stuffed in a tortilla, topped with a tablespoon each of oxidized (brown) guacamole, salsa, sour cream? $10.99 for eggs benny served with NO homefries and with a fried macdonald's hashbrown instead of the english muffin? come on. they're banhammered FOR LIFE. we also left a crappy tip, which i usually NEVER do, but i'm not contributing to this culture of entitlement by dropping 20% in a glorified diner on crappy service. i'd rather give it to the clerk at walgreen's next time i'm in the states, who always (regardless of city!) calls me "hon."

then we drove around and did more errands. we went to crate & barrel and bought our dining room table. we got the basque in honey that i pictured before - the 82"

it'll be ready in mid-november. A&J got the same one!!! i'm going for a wood-white-industrial look so i want to get 2 galvanized french bistro chairs, like these, for the head and end of the table (the dotytron wouldn't let me buy the C&B ones cuz he said they're too expensive):


i'll have to wait though...see what turns up antiquing and craigslisting...and then i'll just get these ikea bent plywood ones for the rest of the seating:

i'm not waiting around for an eames or whatever...that's ludicrous. these are rated highly and will do the trick nicely. spending a lot of money for bent plywood is the height of stupidity...i'm not THAT wedded to mid-century modern, thanks.

edit - i'm having second thoughts about the table. i can get a vintage walnut (veneer) one with slim lines and slim legs from the 60s or 70s for $299 - the one i saw online even had TWO leaves! i have time to change my mind, though. PROS: if i get the cheaper table, i can get my galvanized chairs, which are harder to find, vintage. dining room tables are a dime a dozen.

last night for dinner i made us seared salmon with ultra-crispy skin, sweet potato and yukon latkes with sour cream and applesauce and broccoli in a spicy-soy sauce. so tasty! i also celebrated my new oven racks with new york times chocolate chip cookies - we ate a tonne of them while my s-dawg was over. he introduced us to this new game - the world of munchkin. it's kind of like d'n'd with a lot less rules. it's fun! it won best game of the year recently.

we also went down to this kick-ass movie rental place, the film buff which sells scoops of ice cream AND is the kind of movie place where they organize the titles by director and country. love it! we rented "all the president's men" - we didn't finish cuz we were pooped and went to bed at 10pm but it's SO GOOD! i'll post a review when we finish.

tonight for dinner we had short pasta in a creamy squash (b-nut) sauce with roasted garlic and herbs (fried sage and fresh chopped parsley). it was really tasty and really easy to do. i'll post a recipe at a later date.

fin.