Sunday, January 31, 2010

dedicated to

what a weekend - and it's only 3/4 over!

friday night AYCE meant that we basically closed the place down. it was one of those meandering conversations that resulted in a LOT of homework for everyone. my homework involved finding out what fred durst has been up to lately. as i had (correctly) claimed, he's been directing indie and not-so-indie features like "the education of charlie banks" and "the longshots."

hanbo expressed some doubts as to the racism in "avatar" - racism that i clicked on as soon as i saw the depiction of the na'vi, their idyllic lives, their pan-african/pan-"Other" accents and attire, and the same tired "noble savage" pony being tricked out in 3D gear for the next generation of colonial apologists. because i'm not as eloquent as others, here is a good essay on the topic:

on avatar, the movie

again, my principal issue is that the film doesn't treat the na'vi as anything other than a plot device to facilitate the moral awakening of the white, male protagonist. they're stereotyped, blue, set dressing objects, not subjects. heck, even in "dances with wolves" (the film with which avatar is frequently, though incorrectly, compared), the tribe in which kevin costner's character finds himself is a warring tribe - not like the na'vi and their peaceful and child-like (i would argue) naivété.

saturday morning the dotytron dumped me at a starbucks near his private lesson where i spent a leisurely hour drooling over the momofoku cookbook.

so, we have this thing called the internet now and because of it, i kind of thought i was over buying cookbooks. especially because i really think (and agree with michael ruhlman on this) that the cookbook market is way oversaturated with a lot of titles that we don't particularly need or have a use for. but this...this is a beast of a different colour. i went to momofoku noodle bar with the dottyron in the year after it first opened - the buzz was building like you wouldn't believe and it popped up on my radar and we stood in line for a transcendent bowl of ramen. it was so very of-the-moment. quick, inexpensive food served in an appropriately slightly undone-but-still urban industrial space in the east village, no reservations, top flight ingredients prepared with care. it was amazing. since that visit, chef david chang has kept up the momentum by opening more and more - momofoku ssam bar, momofoku ko, and momofoku milk bar. i think my next trip to nyc will just be spent haunting all 3 new sites. the cookbook is amazing and features a special guest segment with my beloved wylie dufresne AND a recipe for deep fried apple pie. we ALL know how much i love a deep fried apple pie and lament the loss of this fast food treasure at mcdonald's.

did you also know that THIS little gem existed? i can probably pin point my growing love for all things gastronomical with my first forays into reading with the "little house on the prairie" series. "little house in the big woods" was as much about the food as it was about little laura's trials and tribulations being the dark haired, rambunctious sister to saintly mary. this makes sense, considering pioneer times hinged on the successful preparation, storage, and preservation of food. i remember reading about the spring sugaring-off and pouring hot boiled maple syrup onto snow to make maple candy and wondering what magic that must taste like. don't even get me started on johnny cakes and hoppin' john and baked beans and all the other solid, american, homestead cooking. when i found out about this cookbook and i told my sister she was THRILLED, to say the least. this is another one i'm going to bend the "no more buying cookbooks" rule for.

after the dotytron was done teaching we packed up to head to kdubs. i was going to hang with tillers and J all day. i felt like a kid being dropped off with my godparents. they planned so many activities! i was going to be taken to check out papa lou's, i was told to bring my records in case i wanted to play around on the decks, and to bring my mat in case i wanted to go to a hot yoga class. i was also told that i was going to be taken bra shopping (more on that later). i went with tillers and J to look at bath fixtures at the BIGGEST home hardware i've ever seen in my life, idyllically named "glen briar." all while the dotytron was out and about. what was he doing in kdubs, you might ask? oh, just hanging out with tillers and J's friend C's DAD. yup, you read that right. the dotytron was driving out to kdubs to attend a luthiers meeting with a bunch of nerdlinger woodworking dads who build guitars. LOL. that's kind of the dotytron's life now - he's all about the dad hangs. when we re-met up with him after he said he was the youngest at the meeting by about 20 years. so cute. anyway, tillers and J kept me well occupied and then smckay came over and gave haircuts and C and K came over and we all went for dinner.

i ended up skipping out on a lot of the activities as there was a giant rumble in the bronx. my digestive system was all out of whack, possibly from eating a questionable burger at staff appreciation day and also because i was crampy and bloaty. not fun!

despite smckay's best attempts to steer us towards eating dinner at pizza hut (for the record, it was probably the most impassioned, sustained, and concerted campaign for pizza hut that i've witnessed yet in my 30 years on this planet), we ended up at this delightful thai/vietnamese placec where a clean, light bowl of rare beef pho and a red bean and coconut shake sorted out my tummy and settled things down.

then we went to joe for bra shopping. why was i taken bra shopping you might ask? well, apparently at the farm, during a bra-reveal (there are a LOT of women at the farm - bra reveals are kind of par for the course), it was determined that my bras were not up to snuff. this is what i've been sporting since i decided to start wearing a bra on the regular (so, for the past 2 years - i went on a 12 year hiatus between high school and starting full time work as a professional):

it's a pull-on affair. no wires, 100% cotton, and apparently the subject of much derision amongst the female contingent in the kdubsguelph crew. according to the kdubsguelph girls, that's not a bra. it's like a swimsuit or an undershirt, which has been giving me wall-eyed boobs. lol!

this is what i got:

except all in black and a nude one ($8! joe fresh holllaaaa!) so now it has like, straps, and proper cups and underwire and that weird hook-and-eye closure that's impossible to get on.

i was forced to do a before and after for the crew when we got home. the before was in my american apparel bra (wearing a shirt of course) to the tune of "girl, you'll be a woman soon" and the after was wearing my new joe bra under a shirt to "she's a lady" lol! non-stop laughs.

then smckay poosed out and left after cutting my hair (new year, new boobs, new hair, new me!) and we hung out and watched saturday night live and got the munchies. so we did this:



and that's why, this post is dedicated to smckay.

fin.

Friday, January 29, 2010

GAME DAY

i've got my game face on like whoa. i'm in it to win it. i'm...the contender? (i'm running out of sports metaphors).

today i'm participating in an indoor olympics. i'm in the biathlon, which involves navigating a course in GIANT snowshoes that date back to the height of the hudson's bay company - seriously, they're done up with gamy leather that left a residue on my hands and they're almost the same height as me; and stopping periodically to shoot at targets with nerf semi-automatic dart guns. i did a practice run yesterday - i almost threw up. the thing with GIANT snowshoes (the kind of snowshoes that people generally have hanging on the wall of their cottages as canadiana decor) is that you can't run in them. so on an indoor hard, carpeted surface, to get some speed, i was doing some kind of crazy kick-step/marching combination that basically set my gluts and thighs a-burning. i was sweating like a mofo. i wonder if my commitment to winning at all costs, even if it means debasing myself and showing up at the finish line a sweaty, barfy, muscle-cramped mess, makes me management material? i can only hope!

also, i'm on the team that was charged with reconfiguring our mission statement t-shirt and entering into a fashion show. based on my hunch that most people were going to do women's wear - we went formal men's wear. we turned the shirt into a formal vest, a cummerbund with the mission statement on it, a pocket square, a band around the top hat, a bow tie, and roses that our model is going to pass out to the judges. it's pretty awesome. we totally went the seamstress route. bespoke tailoring and all. our model is wearing a black suit and wearing white gloves and carrying a black cane. it's going to be pretty boss.

so, the dotytron has fridays set aside for his supply teaching day...which means that since january, when his schedule got shifted around and fridays became THE DAY, we've been on tenterhooks every thursday waiting for his cell phone to ring to see if he has work that day. it's AGONIZING. because they call anytime after around 7pm-10pm and then he has to get up at like, 5am in case they call at 6am to have him into work at a school that's an hour's drive away...he has to be able to get there by 8am or so. so, sometimes they don't call until super-late or super-early and it's super-annoying. we're always freaking out the night before when they DON'T call because we're trying to get a sense of what our financial situation is going to be next year.

last night they didn't call. somewhat predictably, i go into worry mode: "what are we going to do next year?" "what if we don't have any money?" which resulted in the both of us tossing and turning with stress. after a not-very-restful evening, the alarm went off at 5:30am and we hit snooze every ten minutes until he finally got a call at like, 6:45am. it was crazy. so he says to me, "look, you've got to relax about stressing about the supply list - i didn't get any sleep last night." to which i replied, "you?!!? i've got to compete today!" i was given a look of withering disdain and a "oh, shut the f**k up" in response! lol!

edit: home from work

so our team took second place in the biathlon. i didn't start to clean up on my shooting skills until the last two targets - each missed shot added 10 seconds to my time. so i got a silver medal. we were ROBBED on the t-shirt contest. ROBBED! they awarded it to someone who dressed up a guy in a wig and had some outlandishly bedazzled number. ours was so classy! seriously, it looked like mr. monopoly was up on stage - like he was in a totally different contest! lol! everyone said we should have won, but in the end, as has been true since grade school assemblies first began - the team that puts a guy in girls clothes will always win. people invariably find it funny. our workmanship was INSANE - the tailoring! the fit! it was savile row quality stuff...i only wish you, my faithful readers, could have seen it.

tonight we're taking lolls out for AYCE sushi in markham as a belated birthday/thank you for hosting us at the farm hang. i think dr. rei and hanbo are coming, too - haven't seen those guys in forevers (well, i see dr. rei at least 2 a week at lunch, but hanbo has been swallowed alive by mba school and we never see them after dark anymore)

in other news...i think i'm going to apply for york's masters of public policy administration and law. it's offered as a 2-year executive style masters, which means that i can continue to work full-time while completing it. i'm constantly concerned about the potential future obsolescence of my field and i sometimes feel stymied by the fact that in certain scenarios, librarians aren't permitted to do any in-depth analysis and have to hand over their work to research officers who can, because they've either got a public policy masters, and mba, or a phd in an area of subject specialty. i think this also positions me so that i can be a policy advisor or analyst if i chose to be. plus, i mean, another degree can't like, hurt me, right? kind of crazy, i know. also, the application form is due by march 1st. aieeeeeee!!! we'll see if i get accepted...they make it out like it's crazygonuts competitive. but...it's also york. ha!

finally, in other news: my sister is the best. she's such a faithful blog reader and commenter...and she'll save stuff up to tell me when we're face to face or the next time we talk in person. for instance, she wanted to remind me that my first exposure to helen mirren was actually when i was a wee pup and we were in hong kong. for some reason, "excalibur" was always on tv in hong kong when i was like, 9 or 10. helen mirren plays morgana.

for those who don't know, "excalibur" is like, the raciest depiction of arthurian legend in mainstream culture. seriously, seriously racy. like, it was my first exposure to incest (morgause and arthur totally do it) and it was also boob city - basically the movie (which apparently is heavily based on malory's "le morte d'arthur") is like boobs and greensleeves and j.w. waterhouse - all glittering swords and lush forests. peep that movie poster!!! 80s movie posters were THE BOMB.



edit: ZOMG, minutes after pushing "publish post" i watched the trailer on youtube and this movie is THE BOMB. seriously!!! check it out!!! if this doesn't have dr. rei's name all over it, i don't know WHAT does. lol!



fin.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

in the grand tradition...



...of me deliberately making my life as non-restful as possible by scheduling tonnes of entertaining and non-stop activities...last night we had our friend P over for dinner. i was in the gifted program with P in high school. he's kind of the best. we have a grand tradition of sitting around and talking shiz out that goes back many years and was lost for nearly all of my 20s when we lost touch with each other. but then, in the past 3 years, he's come back into my life and i'm so pleased! he's on a month-long break - back from teaching in chile and cooling his heels in toronto before heading out on a two-year teaching contract in egypt - it was nice to squeeze in a visit before he left again.

us in front of our american revolution masonite wall

i started us off with the rest of the spicy cured sausage, the last of the hippie crackers and the mint-pea-pecorino dip.

for dinner i made us a riff on nany's pasta with rosé sauce...the basics being - one spanish onion sliced and sautéed, some garlic, some italian sausage out of the casing, crumbled in the pan and browned, some white wine to deglaze, 3/4 large can of diced tomatoes, and a couple of slugs of cream to simmer. salt and pepper to taste and tossed with penne.

i served that with a salad and for dessert i defrosted some of the sticky date pudding i had frozen and leftover from xmas and warmed it in the oven with residual bourbon toffee sauce, also from xmas. frozen sticky date pudding and residual bourbon toffee sauce is a good thing to have on hand, if you're like me and am loathe to serve dinner to guests without a dessert. however, if you are also like me and have issues with portion control or any food-related control, it becomes problematic because then you end up eating sticky toffee pudding for dinner on nights like tonight.

okay, much to my chagrin, the fat little weirdo is back in a big way. i've been eating like a piggerton! what the heck! oh well...there's no use fretting about it - as long as i can still fit into **a** pair of pants i'm good.

further much to my chagrin, the dotytron has taken to reading OUT LOUD from miles davis' autobiography in his best version of miles davis' raspy, slow, delivery:



the parts he's reading out loud are about how miles davis lost his virginity and how miles davis' first wet dream had him feeling like he had rolled over onto an egg. imagine that, in first person, delivered in an approximation of miles davis' voice, read out loud, while you're trying to do YOUR OWN G-D reading in bed. LOL!

tonight i'm spending my precious free time compiling one of my justifiably famous city restaurant lists for the anti-scheist's (aka, my sister) friends. the friend has been lovely to us and gifted us with local maple syrup for our gift baggies for the out-of-towners, so i'm putting something together for her so that she's got some rec's in her pocket when she heads to vancouver for the winter olympics. obviously, because i'm working under time constraints, the vancouver edition won't be as methodical and exhaustive as my other city lists. THOSE ARE THE SACRIFICES YOU MAKE WHEN YOU FORCE ME TO MAKE ONE. lol!

okay...i better get cracking...even under the gun it's going to take me all night.

p.s. i haven't mentioned that work has been INSANE. i've got a zillion questions due on friday, which just so happens to be staff appreciation day, which just so happens to mean that i'm competing in the biathlon for the work olympics AND i've got an entry on the t-shirt redesign contest AND i want to be there to watch the "are you smarter than the boss?" trivia game. AND i've got a zillion meetings every day to go to and a million balls in the air. would i have it any other way? obvs not. but still - i could do with a 7% decrease in intensity.

fin.

Monday, January 25, 2010

weekend wrapup

what a weekend - ram jiggedy jammed.

friday night was so fun! B & G go way back but this was my first time hanging with S & P. it's such a small world. the dotytron went to teacher's college with S who is married to P, who attended undergrad with G, who me, the dotytron, and B went to high school with! i know the above just feels like an overly long and unnecessarily coded gossip girl post, but if you read it through, you'll get the gist.

we started things off with cocktails and i put out a little board with crackers, that mint-pea-pecorino dip, and some sliced cured sausages. i made the fennel and pomegranate salad with proscuitto:

which the dotytron thinks would be just as good (if not a little better) without the proscuitto.

i followed this up with bouillabaisse with homemade fish stock, shrimp, mussels, and chunks of tilapia, with a roasted red pepper and almond rouille on toasted homemade bread:

the bouillabaisse looks a little stiff here because i forgot to take a picture at the time and had to iwo jima one the next day.

and for dessert i made us a chocolate caramel tart with sea salt:

we drank (and by "we" i mean "they") about 4 bottles of wine over the evening and people didn't leave until close to 1am...which was SO LATE! on a weeknight??? as soon as we locked the door behind our guests, the dotytron ran around hissing, "IT'S SO LATE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" which was pretty funny. the dinner conversation was easy and fluid and it was highly enjoyable. i love dinner conversation that's stimulating and engaging.


the next morning we high-tailed up to markham to await the arrival of my sister and the goons. we watched "united 93" while we were there. HOLY CATS, this movie is AMAZING. i had avoided it when it first came out because i thought it was going to be sentimental and exploitive (like "world trade centre"). it was anything but. it's crazy...it tracks the unfolding of the events of 9/11 in "real" time from the perspective of air traffic controllers as the first sketchy inklings of something being amiss and hijackings start to appear. it shows the immense bureaucracy and small, crucial failures of communication as the FAA coordinatres with local regional air traffic controllers, the massive, country-wide air traffic control command post, and the military. then you see the passengers of united 93 as their plane is hijacked and they make their last, desperate attempt to take the plane back. it's SO FREAKIN' good. i can't commend it enough. some of the air traffic controllers are played by the real people - including the head of national air traffic control.

the thing is...even though you know what happens...you ACTUALLY think the united 93 passengers have a chance to pull it off. and it's so awesome when they finally band together and figure out the strategy. at first i was like, "why did they wait so long? if it's a zero-sum equation and you know you're going to die, i would just go at the terrorists with everything at my disposal" my initial plan would be to take my carry on luggage and run at the hijackers with it in front of me to block the knives. my second tactic was to take the flight attendants pots of boiling water and hurl it at them. and my third tactic was to use the fire extinguisher and spray those effers in the face (all of which, i might add, get employed in the movie). but then rico informed me that 9/11 was a game changer because prior to that, the standard hijacking procedure with airplanes was to take the plane, land it, and then use the passengers as collateral. the suicide mission of the plane-as-weapon hadn't been done before...so the passengers actually were working under the previous paradigm.

it was a pretty harrowing start to the weekend - as it had me, the dotytron, and s-dawg weeping by 11am. weeping AND hating terrorists.

saturday night we went to our supper club...which is a gathering of our high school friends on a roughly monthly basis. it was at 7 numbers on the danforth, which ended up working out really well, as they do a set-menu type set-up for groups of 5 or larger. so basically, you pay $27/person (plus tax and tip) for your food and they send out platters of all their primi (so we got a platter each of calamari, a spinach salad, a panzanella - that was so-so, some beans, and some kind of italian olive-ratatouille type thing with bread) that you pass around and serve yourself from. then we get a platter of each of their three pastas (an orecchiete with ricotta, a meat lasagne, and some kind of spicy linguine) and then you pick your secondi (i got lamb rack and the dotytron got involtini). it's a pretty sweet deal and kind of perfect for large groups.

i got into a big discussion with our friend L over the value of "unconferences" and the CAMP-type structure, especially as a way of concretizing any real, tangible change. here's an article on BarCamp from wikipedia which describes the user-generated, horizontally integrated nature of these conferences. my thing with them is this: in a small organization, or for purposes of a small, attainable goal (ie. tech dudes coming together to talk about fixing google wave), or even as a method of fostering the aura of participatory democracy, then fine, i guess these things "work" in so far as there's no real measure by which you can judge the success of them (a lack of accountability that's built into the method - isn't that convenient?) my thing is this: for stuff like, "how do you envision a better toronto?" "how do you fix transportation in the megacity?" "how do we foster more culture in markham?" i'm not really INTERESTED in hearing what random mcgee has to say - it basically devolves into a town hall meeting (and we've seen how productive THOSE can be).

i believe in EXPERTS in their field. i also believe that in general, you don't really WANT to hear what the majority of people have to say about most concrete, technical issues. hearing what the majority have to say results in a g-d mess like the no big box in leslieville campaign, which meant that no, there wasn't going to be wal-mart anymore, but now it's going to be a yard for the ttc. great! but BTW, the issue has now been all but abandoned by all the urban planning jane jacobs wack jobs who want every street in the city to be sesame street. so, they take away wal-mart, and then wash their hands of the issue.

what drives me absolutely bonkers is that people who believe in this kind of participatory democracy or social engagement think that this means THE WORLD IS MADE UP OF PEOPLE LIKE THEM. it's a self-aggrandizing and reifying logic that's the worst kind of dogmatism, under the guise of a somewhat patronizing, "inclusiveness." these are people for whom toronto consists of nothing north of eglinton, west of roncesvalles and east of greenwood. forget about scarborough. forget about flemingdon park. forget about the 8 bangladeshi families sharing a 2 bedroom apartment at victoria park. forget about dufferin and lawrence. those aren't part of the community gardens and bike paths future envisioned by the people who show up at these "unconferences." if you ACTUALLY listened to the majority of residents, then much-needed infrastructure like the st. clair streetcar right-of-way wouldn't have ever happened. because you know who HATES streetcars and the lack of parking for their single-occupancy vehicles? MOST PEOPLE. lol!

it just kind of boggles my mind sometimes how profoundly ignorant people can be about the realities of managing millions of people, and who the people are that they're managing. does that make me pessimistic? probably. am i saying that you don't try? no. i'm saying that in order to effect real change, we have to elevate the nature of the discourse and realize and accept that we're dealing with PEOPLE, not idealized types. i'm not saying i'm not all for community gardens. go for it! that's amazing! but i wouldn't necessarily turn to social media "consultants" as my guides for fixing health care or what have you. crowd sourcing? are you effin' kidding me? as the oatmeal put it: "you sound like a douchebag with no real job skills" LOL!!!

obviously the above diatribe has digressed from the origins of my original discussion with L. it's all wrapped up in recent stuff that's been floating through my head about my profession and my ongoing lament for the loss of rigor, nuance, and the ability to think contextually and creatively. i also attended a webinar by the self-styled (and slavishly lauded) "guru" in the field of librarianship and information sciences. his name is stephen abram. i've heard him speak a few times and his general thrust is making sure that librarians don't render themselves obsolete by being resistant to "technology." what i find (and keep in mind, he is EMPLOYED by a company that creates strategic information systems for libraries - don't ask me what that means), is that generally, he gives you a snapshot of "where things are going" without any real analysis or critique. this talk was called "it's 2010: 20 technologies to watch and how to cope" and it was about how students are using laptops and people are distracted and we have to package information accordingly for these short attention spans and say goodbye to privacy blah blah blah. but the thing that's missing is: JUST BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING, SHOULD THAT NECESSARILY BE THE CASE? where is the space for a dialectical ENGAGEMENT with these forces? and also, where's the discussion of the fact that we're basically allowing corporations to dictate how we live/consume/think? it's not like apple is producing the iphone as an act of charity, for crissakes. it's not like google is undertaking their open book initiative as an act of altruism. C'MAAAAAN.

errr...yeah, where was i? oh yeah, basically, call me crazy or a luddite, but i still believe in experts and peer-reviewed journals. yesterday we ate an insane amount at asian legend and went back home to my family's crumbling familial estate to homer out and then my sis and rico and the kids and i went to eat at caplansky's and then they drove me home, because my sis and the outlaw bro hadn't seen the house since we got our ceilings done. and painted. and our furniture in. the kids were pretty adorable. they were super-hyper about being the experts about aunt lagerfeld's house and were buzzing around wanting to show their parents "their" room in the house. lol! it was really cute!

tonight for dinnie i made us an eggplant bharta with green beans thoren and steamed brown rice. trying to get back on the healthy train after a rather decadent weekend. now, if i can only get enough gumption together to do some yoga tonight...

anyway, that was the weekend. i recently finished the audiobook for michael chaybon's "manhood for amateurs" - full review coming up.

fin.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

getting owned

by friday night elaborate entertaining. fish stock: check. red pepper almond rouille: check. pea pecorino and mint dip: check.

in the meantime, here are some internet gems for you all -

martha stewart pole dancing:



christopher lee (sarumon from LOTR) is releasing a heavy metal concept album, under the name charlemagne. the album is called "by the sword and the cross" LOL! here's a link to his myspace: http://www.myspace.com/charlemagnemusical

uhhhhh...that's all i got.

fin.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

reality tv star?

you may or may not know this about me, but i was nearly featured on the food network program "the heat" (following the trials and tribulations of fine dining moghul mark mcewan's catering operation.) then i left for a job at canoe and beacuse they weren't finished filming, they relegated me to out-of-focus background shots in early episodes.

well...i might possibly be getting a second chance at reality tv stardom. sooooo, the dotytron's sister em pointed me in the direction of a craiglist posting for a new reality tv show where they give you tips and tricks to help you shave years off your mortgage. in exchange for allowing this "amazing race" style show (apparently, the couple/family completes a series of challenges with escalating intensity) to follow you around for 4 days, you get $5000. that's kind of what lured me in, considering how debt-ridden we are right now. so i filled out an application. being the savvy cultural studies-versed kid that i am, i played it up a bit. fudged a bit on my spending habits (which are really generally restrained...i mean, the only way we could be paying down our debt faster would be if i made more money), talked up the differences in financial acumen between me and the dotytron. so i got an email back from one of the producers and they wanted photos! LOL!!! so i sent them some and now they're going to be contacting me again!

i have to see if there are any family/friends who are involved in our day to day lives and have opinions on our spending habits who would be willing to appear as "secondary characters." i thought i'd throw momma d's name in the ring as she has LOTS of opinions (normally revolving around some antiques roadshow-fueled idiosyncratic plan that will result in the proverbial "license to print money" - LOL! sample plan: saving handwriting samples for future sale)

ANYWAY, i'm willing to do it for the 5 grand...even if it means i have to take 2 days off of work. i think me and the dotytron would be REALLY funny on the show, especially if i go through with my plan to be all meta about it and constantly pull a ferris bueller and break the fourth wall, speaking directly to the camera. i also can't turn down easy luche to do something that's going to be kinda fun and hilarious. at the very worst, we just don't have to tell anyone we were on the show and it's like it NEVER happened, right?

i'm a little worried because i'm not sure what we can do. realistically, we manage our finances as best we can and don't make insanely frivolous purchases - i mean, granted, i probably could have done without my new set of 8 teacups and saucers from crate and barrel. but those motherf**kers were on sale for like, $2/piece! and i *probably* didn't need the marimekko cotton sheet set from crate and barrel, but that shiz was ALSO on sale and we just upgraded to a queen so we don't have many queen sized bedding and i'm a flippin' sucker for prettying my bed, aight? what do you want me to do? it's not like i've got an insane gambling problem. i make payments on all my stuff and i'm a slave to my monthly budget which allots me all of $300 a month for spending money, INCLUDING transportation costs. G and K and Mhui at work are all over their "til debt do us part" and i've seen a few episodes...i'm a little worried about what they're going to make us do. apparently on one episode of "til debt" they made a guy sleep in his car!!!!!!! i was telling G: "are they going to make me SELL MY STUFF?!???" there's no way in HELL i'm selling my stuff, only to have to buy it again. are you kidding me? G had awesome advice - just hide it! lol! send all my nice stuff to dr. rei's or something and beat the crap out of my existing stuff so it looks all worn and shiz.

ANYWAY, who knows. my main concern was that you don't get the 5 g's automatically and you only get it if they "judge" you to have performed the tasks satisfactorily (like on "til debt do us part") - but i clarified with the producer and you get it at the end of filming. we'll see whether we get past the next screening round! realistically, i want my own damn show out of it. also, if the sight of me and the dotytron standing in the bathroom gawking at raccoon sex could be recorded for posterity, that would pretty much make it worth it.


tonight for dinner i made sweet potato gnocchi in a gorgonzola sage sauce. the gnocchi were actually made on sunday, but i let them dry out for two days in the fridge, on account of sweet potatoes being so moist. they were a little gummy, but when swimming in a creamy gorgonzola bath, it's barely noticeable. especially for a MFin' weeknight meal. i tossed some mixed baby greens with some caesar dressing in the fridge and broke up some of those luxe herb and seed crackers for quick and dirty croutons.

i'm 99% done putting photos in albums...oy!!! we're having company over on friday night which has inspired us to kind of get our acts together in terms of cleaning the house and whatnot. it's newish company so we want to put our best face forward...otherwise, entertaining on a friday evening (unless it's crew) is not for me.

fin.

Monday, January 18, 2010

the kind of guy you marry

i was never the kind of kid to sit around dreaming of my future wedding day, the kind of guy i would end up with (other than balthazar getty - "young guns 2" say what!), or any of the other standard, young heterosexual girl fantasies (the kind that are mercilessly peddled by avaricious hollywood purveyors of heternormative heroin like "bride wars"). not me. i was too busy reading e. nesbit stories of well-behaved yet still adventuring children, making toilet paper tube crafts, and running around the yards in my little fiefdom lugging the neighbours' siamese cats hither and yon.

i was super-duper ANTI-wedding and marriage for like, forever (still am.) i didn't have a prince charming in mind or a checklist of qualities i wanted in my future life partner; no, the ever-prosaic and practical kid-version of me was all like, "you're together for as long as you're together" or "love is what's made over time" and all the rest.

yesterday, after brunch, the dotytron and i retreated to our separate lairs and worked in individual silence for 3-4 hours; me cranking out quilting blocks and he in the pursuit of cover letter eloquence and compositional glory. at around 5 in the afternoon, in the dimming light of day, i heard the door of the craft room open behind me. i turned to behold the dotytron, who without words of greeting or acknowledgement simply said, "i'm pretty sure i've got some raccoon sex happening outside if you want to come see."

i didn't know it then as a kid, but as we stood at the window to gawk like nosy tenement dwellers at the slow-moving, methodical display of woodland animal copulation, joined together by our silent, depraved titillation and profoundly immature thrill at the sight before us, as i stood there with him by my side, i realized that THIS is the kind of man you (and by "you" i mean, "i") marry. it couldn't have been any other way, really. as a child i floundered in blessed ignorance of the ringing truth: that at the end of the day, you really want to marry the kind of guy who'll alert you to raccoons f**king outside your window.

last night we ended up using our harvey's coupons for dinner. i'm all over the fast-food chain coupons that come in the mail, now. even if they do result in me sitting at the dining room table, wasting precious half hours with the flyers spread before me, contemplating the vagaries of their deals and combos and value-added whosits with talmudic intensity. there really is no way of getting the better of them. of not having your usual order attenuated by the unyielding force of their rules and bylaws. foolish, chinese me that i am, always on the hunt for a slightly better bargain or deal, i still try to pit the full might of my enculturated calculatory instincts against the outputs of countless well-compensated actuarial scientists employed by mcdonald's, taco bell, etc. in the end, i always hve to concede defeat. so, we paid a bit extra to upgrade our fries to poutine and settled for the standard original burger instead of the double.

we watched the golden globes even though the dotytron was hating every minute of it. lol! it was worth it to watch ricky gervais almost lose his s**t when he made the joke about no one loving a good drink more than mel gibson. lol!!! it was considerably less charming when mel gibson tried to act like he was in on the joke by pretending to be a stumbling, slack-faced drunk - mostly because he turned into an anti-semitic lout last time he got trashed. i also enjoyed hearing arnold schwarzenegger pronouncing "avatar" "ahvuhdarr"

look at helen mirren. just look at her. i've loved her since i saw her in "oh lucky man" for OAC writer's craft lo, 13+ years ago...



and look at this ADORABLE photo of diane kruger and joshua jackson:

the gofugyourself girls are always going on and on about how awesome they are as a couple and how adorable joshua jackson is and i agree 100%.

other random thoughts on the golden globes: christina hendricks has a mighty pair of golden globes of her own (hyuk, hyuk). RDJ stole the show with the best speech of the night. drew barrymore's breathiness seemed like a total affectation to me. i loved chloe sevigny, marion cotillard, and zoe saldana's dresses. i thought anna kendrick's dress totally washed her out. and carey mulligan is totally over-rated in my opinion and she always has a strangely mincing, tight-lipped smile that i find off-putting (also her dress was doing nothing for her.) and "nine" looks like one of the worst movies i'm ever not-going-to-see in my life.


tonight for dinner i made penne carbonara with guanciale from firenze. i also made this new salad consisting of thinly shaved fennel tossed with olive oil and salt, a layer of mixed baby greens tossed with balsamic and salt, a layer of proscuitto, and pomegranate seeds.

it still boggles my mind that there used to be a time when i didn't like fennel. it seems like a dream. i love it now.

organizing photos and putting them into albums has given me a raging headache. peace out.

fin.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

en review

L made us a spectacular meal on friday night - braised lamb shanks, pan-seared little red potatoes with tarragon, sautéed swiss chard, and for dessert a silk sour cream cheesecake with pomegranate reduction and pomegranate seeds. he comes from a power-house food family...i've never had a bad meal with any of those peeps!

we watched "jules et jim" by truffaut. i walked into the film buff with the short-list for film club narrowed down to the following: "total recall" "willow" and "jules et jim." they didn't have "total recall" so i grabbed "willow" and the truffaut and walked up to the counter and asked the clerk. he said that he hadn't seen that particular truffaut, but he'd seen a tonne of others, and that truffaut is widely regarded as one of the top directors of all time, and of his oeuvre, "jules et jim" is one of his best.

"but," i said, "is it willow good?"
"from a film perspective, yes"
"but, from a warwick davis perspective, i'm guessing no." LOL! in the end, because i've seen "willow" a bunch of times, i went with "jules et jim" because the point of a film club is to expand one's horizons.

it was terrible. here's the deal: i think that for someone of my age group, who isn't a student of film per se, but an ardent appreciator of the medium, then the things that made it ground-breaking for the time (the editing, the story, etc.) no longer seems so ground-breaking for now. the movie is interminably long and boring and mannered - jules et jim are lifelong friends who both fall in love with catherine (played by jeanne moreau). the film tracks their friendship as they are pulled apart by war and then by catherine's manipulative, polarizing presence in their lives. i did some reading up on it - the use of voice-over, the editing style, the use of newsreel footage, panning shots, etc - were all considered ground-breaking for the time. and the character of catherine, with her progressive, willful sexuality was incredibly forward-thinking for 1962 - this is the new generation, hollering to be heard, with their nonmonogamy and capricious disregard for the traditional tenets of propriety.

and yet, the story is THE SUCK. it's so G-D BORING. it makes you want to cry. catherine is SUCH a B***H. and i guess that's kind of the point, but still! you don't understand her appeal or why the mincey, foppish, weak-willed jules and the considerably more charismatic jim bother with her. she's supposed to be "intellectual" but i didn't see any evidence of it. alls i know is that the movie drags like a mofo. and don't get me wrong - i have no problem with slow moving - the next film i'm going to review is pretty slow - i just don't feel the film stands up beyond it's placement at a paradigmatic moment in the history of cinema. it's useful as a historical curiosity, but not something i particularly want to revisit for the sake of its individual merits - it's like chaucer's canterbury tales - i get it...but i don't want to READ it, necessarily.


last night we were supposed to have s-dawg over for dinner but he bailed to watch the football game instead. i made a humdinger of a meal, too. we had braised shortribs with gremolata, celery root and potato mash with freshly grated horseradish, caramelized brussels sprouts and guanciale, and baked kabocha squash with cinnamon, turbinado sugar and cayenne. it was pretty awesome, if i do say so myself. can i just say that i LOVE gremolata on braised meats? what a brilliant concept, italian people! it just lifts the whole thing up and provides the perfect grassy freshness to long-simmered dishes.

because i thought we were going to have company over, i made a lime pie in a chocolate cookie crust, topped with whipped cream and toasted coconut. now it's just the two of us so i don't know what i'm going to do. two people taking down an entire pie (when there's chocolate chip cookie dough in the fridge as well) is pretty reckless. take THAT, nouvelle vague!

last night we watched "hunger" directed by acclaimed british video artist, steve mcqueen. it tracks the last weeks in the life of bobby sands, an IRA member who starved himself to death in 1981 in a hunger strike he organized amongst inmates to demand status and rights as political prisoners. the film is fearsome, beautiful, aching and resolved - a meditation on the corporeal limits of a uniquely masculine extremism, and a rumination on the body as the final ground for all political acts. it begins with a window into daily life in the maze (her majesty's prison maze, used to hold paramilitary prisoners during the troubles in northern ireland), following a prison guard as he enters the maze, then the initiation of a new prisoner as he refuses the prison uniform, is denied his request to wear his civilian clothes, and is given a blanket to shield his nakedness. the routines of the maze during this particular time in history, in which inmates pile uneaten food in a corner of the cell to be festering breeding grounds of maggots, where they smear their feces on the walls of the cell and pour their urine out into the halls of the prison, is rendered in stark, predominantly silent, scenes interspersed with the shattering cacophony of brutal violence as prisoners are dragged screaming from their cells, beaten, and forcibly washed and violated.

the director constructs powerful, intensely evocative imagery and strings them together - at first avoiding the straightforward narrative arc in order to create a ruminative, thought-provoking series of strikingly sparse, elegant, visual sequences. the film is about martyrdom, our corporeal reality, and the unique ability of people (always men? always young, stupid men, burning with the fervor of the righteous?) to endure and perpetrate unspeakable atrocities in the name of ideology. the struggle over praxis and autonomy and agency comes to a head in a thrilling, 20 minute, single-shot conversation between sands, played with a knowing, scarred, and vulnerable bravado by michael fassbender, and his parish priest. this scene is a gut-wrenching juggernaut, thrilling for both its content AND the technical fortitude of the actors, who engage in a delicate, verbal dance - starting off with meandering pleasantries before digging deep, amid fecund, lyrical pauses, into the nature of sands' protest. i'd say that the movie coalesces around this one scene, where sands' reveals himself as brave, stupid, a martyr, and idealogue, focused intently on his belief, which in itself is the extruded by-product of centuries of colonial oppression, class, and ethnic struggle.

in talking over the film this morning with the dotytron, my one critique was that mcqueen rendered certain scenes (the disinfection of a cell, the swirling pattern of s**t smeared on the walls gradually dissolving under the spray of a pressure washer) with a dispassionate aestheticism that over-objectified the subjects. it's similar to burtynsky's work, where scenes of environmental degradation are blown-up, captured with such a keen eye for striking imagery that it over-aestheticizes (and thus, glosses over) the "reality" at the end of that representative chain. the dotytron had a good point though and made me rethink my position. he thought that the director chose to construct beauty from the degradation as a representation of the last bastion of autonomy and agency the inmates had in those inhumane conditions. when your subjectivity is not being identified, when you are given nothing, when you are not being heard, when all you have is excrement to smear on the walls and your own body becomes all that is yours, then that IS your communication. as the rivulets of urine pour into the hall of the prison in a near-silent flood, it is the only expression left available to these young men, the only possible utterance they can make. i'm so glad i'm hitched to such a smartie. the dotytron is a fearsomely intelligent guy (even if he is the weak link in my family's team of trivia all-stars.) don't ever let anyone tell you different.

that is, until they decide to heighten the point further by starving themselves in a final, desperate attempt to be heard. sands' conversation with the priest is also remarkable for the way that the martyrdom and ego of the act is debated. the final weeks of sands' life in the film are beyond difficult to watch - his body wastes away, his eyes grow bleary, sores appear on his emaciated frame. the poignancy and futility of the act are simultaneously presented.

this was an extraordinary movie and i highly recommend it. i mean, don't watch it if you're in the mood for a screwball comedy, but it's well worth seeing.

on friday night, i was accused by dr. rei of "over-hating" "avatar." i've had some time to think about it, and i'd like to take this opportunity to defend myself against an incorrect claim. i don't think it's possible to "over-hate" "avatar" - does the accusation stem from the fact that my critique of its' lack of story, cardboard characters (the irony of a 3D tour de force is that the characters are so 2-dimensional [at best] and wooden), and outright racism and sexism is out of place in a big-budget film? you could potentially say yes. except the ENTIRE story is BUILT upon a (poorly constructed and ham-fisted) tale of colonial exploitation. it's one thing to read it INTO the story of a film when the film is about something else...it's another thing when the storyline of the film IS about racism and the other-ing of the other that somehow, in a stupendous feat of oversight, manages to create off-putting, racial composite native insiders as the objects of western benevolence. you don't see me critiquing "transformers" for being sexist. i'll COMMENT on the fact that it was sexist, but it's not going to make me mad, per se - that's kind of par for the course. it's like critiquing howard stern for being sexist. i wouldn't bother.

the other thing is, what grieves me the most and is the most astonishing is that there were hundreds of millions poured into this movie. and yet, you couldn't get a half-decent, plausible script? NOBODY thought to say, "hey guys, 'unobtanium' is a pretty stupid name for a mine-able substance"? to make the case that i "over-hate" "avatar" implies that i somehow am not taking into consideration its situation within the genre. that's also rank b.s. i see the whole spectrum of movies. i freakin' loved "iron man" and am slavering in anticipation of "iron man 2" i also love "con air" and "the rock" and countless other big budget extravaganzas. i'm not even asking that "avatar" be "the dark knight" good. it just could have been "independence day" or even, if we're going to cull from jimmy cameron's own oeuvre, "abyss" or "true lies" (both of which, i really like) good.

here's the thing. granted, i saw it in 2-D. and yes, i can concede that i missed out on the visual majesty and ground-breaking special effects and blah blah blah. i'm not and have never claimed that it wasn't going to be visually impressive. i just don't CARE enough about that kind of technical feat. the "avatar" zeitgeist is mostly being propelled by a-critical world audiences - the "avatar" effect is that you're SUPPOSED to love it. the people of the world have spoken! and yet, our collective society is moving inexorably towards a world when spectacle is ENOUGH. and that's dangerous. it's extremely dangerous and it makes me long for what we have lost when we privilege entertainment above all else, including it's shadow-twin, engagement. you have to take a stand against that shiz, sons. you have to say, don't just "merely" stimulate me, but STIMULATE me. for i contend that the cognitive saturation endemic to the spectacle of films like "avatar" contributes to the dulling of affect. the ability to discard and dispose of images and lose the referent entirely. the need to process "information" and model our minds and imaginations on the binary yes/no calculations of computers.

so that's why i don't like "avatar." i kind of wish i could see like, 30 minutes of it in IMAX 3D. i don't really want to sit through the whole thing again. and this story making the rounds makes me want to like, hole up and read "the canterbury tales." it's symptomatic of the cultural trend i discussed above.

ANYWAY. speaking of engagement, we had brunch with A & C at the hoof cafe this morning. it was very good and very tasty overall, although i have some small critiques, book-ended with the statement that i would NEVER line-up for more than 10 minutes to eat there, and i found the portions rather smallish. the dotytron and i split 3 things and realistically, i could have had a fourth. we also ordered a round of the bone marrow beignets to share with A & C.

the bone marrow beignets were delicious - the bone marrow was hardly perceptible, a vague savoriness underlying the tiny sugar-crusted, jam-filled treats.

A had the french toast with the additional slab of foie gras add-on. this is great...eggy french toast with some kind of fruit jam, a nicely seared, melting piece of foie on top and a peanut butter cream which was the component of the dish that had the most lasting impact on me. i would never have thought peanut butter and foie would go together, but it's a winning combination with the fruit of the jam. i'm going to try to recreate that peanut butter cream fo' sho.

the hoof hash features tender nuggets of beef tongue and properly crusted potatoes (though a miserly portion!) topped with the two tiniest, golf ball sized poached eggs you've ever seen. this was a bit of a jacking, me thought. it was tasty, but i could have used MORE.

the dotytron opted for the suckling pig benny, which came sided with a nice roccola salad with some pork rinds. the pork rinds could have used a bit more salt. i love roccola though. i like it so much better than the regular arugala that's more widely available - it's the perfect amount of bitterness in a green. the suckling pig benny was nice...tender, juicy pig, proper poached egg, and a ho-hum hollandaise. seriously, this hollandaise was lacking in some flavour. no one note stood out. it wasn't too unctuous-rich-buttery, like the way hollandaise can get when you go heavy-handed with the clarified...it tasted like nothing. i couldn't taste the reduction and there was no acidity - which is a shame, as this dish could have used some acid.

i had the tongue grilled cheese as well. this was nice...the tongue had lost all it's tongue-ness, once it was treated like a pastrami and super thinly sliced, piled high on lovely bread with nice gooey cheese (emmenthaler? gruyere?) speared through with a lacking-in-intensity chopped up cornichon. this was very tasty though.

overall, i was pleased. the space is tiny. and it was made more obnoxious by a couple who brought their kid, in a stroller (a foldable umbrella stroller, but still) and occupied a full seat at the bar with their hung-up stroller and a jacket. there was also another family there with their two kids. seriously? take your kids to the effin' golden griddle. stop trying to be so urban-cool and take your kids to the hoof cafe. it's obnoxious. primarily because of the space constrictions and also the price point - i'm NOT buying my kid foie gras, i'll tell you that much. certainly not for a regular sunday brunch. i don't expect my kids to be my exact mirror and i won't take pride in my kids being obnoxious gourmands at the age of 7. it's annoying! i just want my kids to eat. i don't need them to wear ironic kraftwerk t-shirts and onesies and be my way of broadcasting to the world how cool and worldly i am. jeebus. i like the way my mom and big d did it. we just went out and ate, and we were expected to be well-behaved at an early age in a wide swath of places. but my parents never took us to do fine dining style fine dining. at most, maybe chinese style...and once we went to japan and ate enough o-toro to make the sushi chef's hands shake as he served up plate after plate...but i didn't have the self-conscious awareness of WHAT i was eating and what the cultural capital of it was...i just ate it. by the same token, i also grew up in a family where tropicana o.j. was for my mom ONLY and the kids had to drink concentrate - and don't even bother trying to protest, that's just the way the world is.

today i'm going to be absorbed turning these:

into more of these:

i was supposed to make sweet potato gnocchi for dinner tonight...but we'll see whether my hoof cafe exertions of this morning derail that plan. i know i plan to be on my butt watching the golden globes tonight at any rate.

fin.

Friday, January 15, 2010

obsesso

it's my day off! so happy. it coincides nicely with my complete and utter obsession with quilt-making. i'm consumed! it's been on my radar for the past year and a bit - i've been buying fat quarters on ebay and etsy, slowly envisioning the colour scheme, plotting it in my head...but it always seemed so daunting. there were always other crafts to do, stuff i could wrap my head around a little easier, that i already knew how to do. then i came across this quilt-along from oh, fransson's wonderfully inspiring blog and it kick-started me into action. at the end of it...i should have a quilt that resembles this:

except my colour palette is blues and oranges. tomorrow i'm having the dotytron drive with me to the quilt store so i can pick up my sashing fabric and coordinating fabrics for the back and the binding and some small supplies i need. oh joy! this is HOURS of entertainment right here, let me tell you. this will be my thrifty entertainment over the long months of not spending a single cent to come!

the big block was getting all my photos for albums organized. i printed off like, $400 worth of photos from the past 7 years with the dotytron and my goal was to put them all in chronological order in albums. i picked them up in the summer but then the pesky performance and move got in the way so they languished. until i decided to take 20lbs of photos on the road with us to montreal and sort them in the 5 hour car ride there. it was a brilliant idea as it provided endless minutes of laughter-fodder for the goosetang. i totally over-printed, though. big time. i realized this when i was editing and came up with a shopping bag full of photos that i didn't know what to do with. my idea was to dump them in the dumpster behind st. hubert's in cornwall, but dr. rei and her irrational fears of identity theft (from dumpster photos?) prevented me. lol! so i held onto them for the duration of the hamcamp in montreal excursion until i was given permission to dump them in the garbage can of a random gas station on the way home. lol!

anyway, i finally did the final sort last night so all that's left is a night in front of the tv when i can throw them all into albums and be done with it (minus the chronicles of 2009). so i can fully turn my attention to this:

it's a lot of precision work. i just started cutting my pieces last night. i've already complained to the dotytron, "making a quilt is so freakin' hard!" to which he replied, "well, you probably chose something that's way advanced for a beginner in typical you fashion." which is true. lol! i could have started with just a quilted square, or a napkin, or a placemat...but no. i'm diving straight into a 56" x 66" monstrosity. it's been pretty enjoyable so far. my friend J invited me to join another book club, and they're reading michael chabon's "manhood for amateurs." i didn't necessarily want to buy the book and the wait list at the library is huge so i used my audible.com credit and bought the audiobook. so enjoyable! so i'm listening to chabon's ruminations on masculinity and fatherhood and cutting out pieces and i'm happy as can be.

oh, fransson has all these rules about colour theory and whatnot...but i'm just making do with what i got. some of the combinations i'm not entirely pleased with, but i figure, once it's in a quilt, it's going to look pretty bomb regardless. i found the following tip in particular kind of handy. she has you put your cut out pieces for the blocks onto pieces of labeled and divided cardstock. so you can keep them organized. when it comes to piecing, you'll have block F1, F2, B1, B2 etc:


see? so logical and neat and tidy!

tonight we're heading over to my buddy L's place for dinner. he graciously decided to host the whole goosetang clan for film club, which is SUPER nice considering he barely knows them! lol! i'm in charge of getting the movie. i'm not sure what i'm going to get, yet. i want to get "the hurt locker" for tomorrow night when the dotytron and i are staying in (we're possibly having s-dawg over but i might just cancel him). the short list is: "jules et jim" (so we can finally put this french new wave stuff to rest), "total recall" or "willow" - film club is very inclusive! lol!

the other night i was regaling the dotytron with stories of miss ramona from my sister. apparently she's decided that she wants to be a clothes designer (heretofore, she wanted to be a very chinese-acceptable doctor). rico and my sis were trying to gently steer her away by telling her that she might not make enough money to go to disneyworld by being a clothing designer, to which miss ramona replied, "you can make MONEY being a clothing designer?!?" with big, surprised eyes. lol! the dotytron was saying that there's no point trying to steer kids away from a career path at that age and you shouldn't bother until high school. and i was like, "well, you kinda should if it means they're not going to be scholastically engaged, like if they say they don't want to do math because they want to be a poet" to which the dotytron replied, "well YEAH, that's when you say, 'f**k off, kid. poets suck!'" AHAHAHAHAHAHA! PARENT OF THE YEAR.

then we were talking about what would happen if we can't get preggos...and i was like, well, i don't really care, we'd just adopt a kid...same diff to me. i'm not so hung up on bio kids that i would want to drop mad scrilla on fertility treatments and whatno. and he was like, "yeah, me too" and then i said, "as long as i can get a black baby." lol! so basically it goes: bio kid, then black baby. those are the only two options i'm going to accept. they're just so cute! i know i'm being a racist fetishist. but they're just so damn cute!

last night i skipped dinner entirely because i was so stuffed from being treated to swiss chalet by G at work. i love my work girls. they make work so much more fun.

okay...back to quilting and audiobooking.

fin.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

baby deer on ice

teetery ice legs continueth. i think if i hit the ice for a half hour or 45 minutes 3 times a week, by the end of the outdoor rink season, i should be fairly decent. i'm getting incrementally better and a little more confident each time out - the span between when i release my death-grip on the chain link fence rimming the rink and when i'm actually moving with some degree of limb control seems shorter each time out. i was super-pissed last night because two dudes were fooling around with sticks and pucks on the free skate rink...when there's an entire rink dedicated to shinny right beside it! it's so annoying. one of the dudes playing shinny gave them heck and even though it didn't shame them into switching, it still gladdened my heart.

i had lunch with my deadbeat dad today. what a messy, complicated relationship THAT is. my ability to tolerate his blustering, detached obliviousness changes depending on the day and the topic he's decided to hold court on. because his life is a non-stop round the world journey on one cruise ship or another with his wife, lunches with his children are like less-picturesque-than-usual stops in some exceptionally utilitarian port of call. he breezes in, condescends a bit, acts wounded a bit, informs me of his upcoming travel plans, we parry back and forth and then i leave with a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. my rejoinders in this ritual are considerably handicapped by the fact that despite his peerless ability to be a pompous aggravator, he's an old man, with watery eyes and a perpetually runny nose, who gets certain details confused and thinks his $16,000 finished basement with the finished bar, parquet floors, and GIANT (like 40-something inch) CRT tv for karaoke is the bee's knees. how can you truly get mad at that? is it better that i feel sorry for him? is it better that i leave our lunches with a conflicting, warring mish-mash of emotions that runs the gamut between profound relief that i've logged my filial duty for the month, and piercing pity for his aging fragility and his ambling, routine existence - where your children view the simple act of a 1 hour lunch time rendezvous as something of an endurance sport? something that one has to gird oneself for, something not to be embarked upon without first a shoring of steely resolve?

he keeps angling after an invitation to our house, in none-too-subtle phrases and tones that ensure that everyone within a five mile radius knows what stone-hearted progeny he spawned. it's an invite that i'm peevishly and pettily refusing to extend. i don't think that just because someone is retired means that they can summarily decide to renegotiate a carefully calibrated, 20-years-in-the-making détente. the problem is, there's the sentimentalist in me that remembers how he taught me to fish and ski, how he would takes us kids to do the kind of nature-y, all-canadian things that my mum and big d wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole (like a week spent at a family lodge in georgian bay), how we would ride in the back of his wood-paneled station wagon on our weekends with him listening to cat stevens and neil diamond squinting sleepily into the sun, and how he would patiently sit reading a newspaper at fantasy fair and chuck-e-cheese biding his time in solitary, caregiver boredom until we were done running wild. that's one of the threads that keeps me tethered to him, joining the other threads of biology, my siblings, happenstance, history, filial piety. those threads are so slender, so much more about our investment in them then the actual substance of them (but isn't everything about our investment rather than the thing itself?), but unbreakable nonetheless. to ignore them is to call them into existence through the non-acknowledgement of their being. to dance around their shadows even as we tell ourselves we're jiving in the spotlight.

so i meet him for lunch. and sometimes it's nice and sometimes it's something to grit your teeth through - but it's still something. our two silhouettes brought to face each other with the negative space between the profiles filled with memory and history and the genealogical ties that bind, with an unquantifiable portion left fallow for potential.

why am i being so moody and reflective on the subject of family? probably (most definitely) spurred by finishing this book, jonathan tropper's "this is where i leave you":

it's astoundingly, astonishingly, read-it-in-4-hours good. seriously. i bought the book on friday and it was done on monday. it popped up on entertainment weekly's year-end "best fiction of 2009" list and it happened to coincide with my turn to pick something for the work book club and my desire to read something funny. this is wickedly funny - the kind of funny that makes you crack-up on public transportation and makes people glance at you with a faint degree of worry, trying to calculate whether you're one of those "ruin the rush hour ride home" crazies and in a pinch, how much distance can be put between you and them when you go postal.

the story is about a man, judd foxman, who returns home one day to find that his wife has been cheating on him with his own boss. broken, alone for the first time in 10 years, and humiliated, the event coincides with his father's death and dying wish that the entire foxman clan (judd, his 2 brothers, sister, and widowed mum) sit shiva at the family home. the fractious, emotionally constipated, and bruised clan come together with all their baggage and history and the story unfolds over their 7 days in jewish mourning. the humour is pure acid, darkly funny and rings with veracity for someone (like me) who comes from an outspoken family where everything and nothing are on display - where no subjects are taboo, nothing so sacred that it can't be made fun of, no insult too cutting not to be expressed. at the same time that the dry humour provides a measure of levity, this book is also about loneliness, history, the past, family, and death. it's about the fragile bonds we forge with the people around us, about the shared history we have with people we grow up with, and how we're always trying to escape the inevitable: our personalities, our past, our present, and our own mortality. how we're such confused, muddled, messed up people trying to fumble our way through the capricious world we live in.

beneath each joke, each clever turn of the phrase, each stinging allusion there was a shadowed rumination on connectivity and the false security that "family" provides. it's also about how family comes through, how we make peace with our mistakes and the choices of others, how life is a dizzying miasma of resignation, struggle, grasping, and glory. so for all my talk of how uproariously funny it is, like life, each moment of humour has its twin moment of downward spiraling reflection. on monday night the dotytron walked in from work to find me curled up in my craft room, nose buried, thoroughly saddened and overwhelmed by how pathetic people are - how transparent our desperate attempts to construct a measure of meaning out of nothing. nice guy that he is, he gave me a hug and let me talk it out. it helped.

it's nice to read a tale of infidelity told from the guy's point of view - and a romantic, regular guy, too...not one of those polished, sociopathic cads, but a dude who loved his wife and a marriage that lost its way, the way things can, gradually, over time, in tiny incremental steps until you're wondering if this is your beautiful life, or beautiful car. GO OUT AND READ THIS BOOK. you can borrow my copy (after the book club meeting) if you promise to give it back.

after last night's leftover mandate, i threw together a 2 course dinner in 30 minutes (on the nose) tonight - trying to get food in our bellies before the dotytron's private guitar lesson.


first, a linguine with garlic, chilies (T's dried kind packed in oil), lemon zest, parsley, and shaved bottarga. so easy! not even deserving of a recipe - you could seriously put any proportion of the above together (with some pasta cooking water, of course) and it would taste divine. that was the last of my firenze bottarga, i'm sad...but we had a good run (over a year!)


this salad though was the real star - oh goodness was this ever the tastiest shiz ever. the combo of the breadcrumbs, the dressing, and the sieved egg totally mellowed all but the gentlest note of bitterness in the radicchio. i'm going to post the recipe at the end. this one is definitely going in my regular repertoire.

i also knit my dad a hat. by his request, he wanted a plain, black toque big enough to fit over his not insubstantial noggin and with a rounded top. as he so eloquently put it in an email, he sees a lot of chinese men walking around in toques with pointed tops like dorks. (?) i used the a very plain hat pattern by feather and fan. pretty simple - knit in the round, ribbed band, yarn held double when it comes to the non-ribbing part so that it's extra warm and cozy. i added some inches to the length and a few extra stitches to the circumference to account for my pop's extra large head. it went pretty quickly but i took a long hiatus to finish up other projects. knitting from both ends of the ball can be pretty annoying and lead to a lot of tangles so i needed to take a time out at a certain point.


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radicchio salad with anchovy vinaigrette, breadcrumbs, egg
adapted from the zuni cafe cookbook, serves 4 as a side


2 heads radicchio, outer leaves discarded, cut in half, cored and thinly sliced
1 garlic clove
2 anchovy filets
2 T. red wine vinegar
6 T. olive oil
salt and pepper
3/4 c. coarse breadcrumbs (i used panko, natch)
2 eggs, hard boiled and peeled

- heap the radicchio in a bowl
- take the breadcrumbs and toss with 1 T. of the olive oil. spread on a baking sheet or in an oven-proof dish and toast in a preheated 400F oven, until evenly golden brown (approx. 10 minutes), stirring occasionally.
- meanwhile, mince the garlic clove and anchovy filets in another small bowl (i used the food processor for the entire dressing). whisk in the red wine vinegar and 5 T. of the olive oil until emulsified, adding some salt and pepper to taste.
- when the breadcrumbs are ready, toss the vinaigrette with the radicchio. sprinkle the breadcrumbs over. pass the egg through the holes of a large-holed sieve and sprinkle on top of the salad and serve.

fin.