In which I embrace...

being a tiger mom and capitalization. Yup, 2011 is the year in which Lagerfeld embraces proper punctuation and grammar again. Or at least attempts to. We'll see how long this will last.

Much has been made in recent days of Amy Chua's memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother following a recent slate of interviews to promote the book and a polarizing excerpt, entitled, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior" in the Wall Street Journal. I had no less than 4 different people send me the link to either the excerpt or sites referencing Chua and the fallout from her essay and book yesterday.

In short, I pretty much think Chua is bang-on. "Western" parents are waaay too lax on their kids and totally let them quit too early. It's a fundamental truth that things aren't fun until you get good at them and getting good at them entails practice, perseverance, and dedication. Whether it be music, knitting, cooking, whatever. You get good over time and it's inevitable that things are going to suck for a while. I think that Western kids are generally over-scheduled. What's the point in enrolling them in 10 billion different activities? So that they can be poor at all of them? What's the point in setting the bar low so that you can rejoice when they meet minimum expectations? I was raised in a way similar to that. My mum is notorious for offering frank (some would say, tactless and bordering on mean) criticism of my face, clothing, hair, and "thunder thighs."

My mum and Big D were both pretty strict with me, after being pretty lenient with my sister. I was discouraged from participating in extra-curricular activities (mostly because we lived far from public transportation and they didn't want to drive me) and hanging out with friends was also kind of frowned upon. Having a boyfriend made them apoplectic with worry about my virtue and my ambition. I really think they thought I was going to end up pregnant and working at a gas station with some of my less savory high school beaus. They didn't really drill me or oversee my homework the way Chua did with her kids, but failure to produce good grades would result in long, weekly, "family meetings" about how I was on a downward spiral towards welfare and they enrolled me in Kumon math.

I do think there's a happy balance, which Chua reiterates at the end of the article. In talking it over with the Dotytron yesterday, he said that he's definitely come around the Tiger way of parenting, seeing first-hand the aptitude and drive of the Asian and Southeast Asian kids he sees in the primary grades who are raised that way. He says he has a hard time applying it, but I think I'll be strict enough for the both of us. Big D drilled it into my head from a very young age that there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way (none of that namby-pamby, soft, "just give it your best shot" lowest common denominator pap for him). The Dotytron also thinks you should start off tough and then ease off once you've established the work habits and dedication and valuation of scholastic achievement when they're young. Set the foundation and then let them understand that you have faith in the foundation and trust them to have some autonomy and conduct themselves accordingly.

The thing is, this parenting style is an embodiment of the tenet of "do your best" - a tenet that so frequently gets perverted and mis-applied both in parents' expectations of their children and in the school system. A differentiated learning model at its best should be about expecting kids to do their best, but I really think all too often "do your best" becomes a cloak for the acceptance and valorization of mediocrity, which to me, is completely unacceptable. As a parent, I think you know what your kid is capable of, and accepting anything less than their best under the auspices of being "kind" is doing them a greater disservice in the long run, both individually and to their ability to participate and contribute to the greater community at large.

I mean, obviously I'm not going to force my kid to pick one of two potential instruments (if we're going stringed instrument, I would definitely prefer the cello) but I do expect my kid to apply themselves and understand that things being difficult and challenging are all building blocks to your mastery of a craft. I say this now - who knows what I'll be like or what Master T will submit to. Having said that, I do believe there is too much autonomy and agency given to the child. University is not being presented as an option in this house. Not while I'm paying the bills and not while I gave you life! (See...sounding like a Chinese mom already.)

My mum came over on Monday and helped with the boobla. It was so nice to have a visit with her. She was speaking Cantonese with him, which is something I've started doing at home. He seems to perk up a bit and really clue in when I do - maybe it's the change in the sounds he's used to hearing. My mum thinks he should learn Mandarin, but that's tough, since I don't speak Mandarin, but I guess we can learn together. The Dotytron downloaded the Rosetta Stone so that we can work on it, and one of the Tiger mom classes I'll send the boobla to is going to be Mandarin. So he'll do a summer sport, a music lesson, Mandarin and a martial art in the winter.

For dinner on Monday I made that tilapia braised with grape tomatoes and chorizo and arugala that I do all the time, served on orzo tossed with roasted garlic oil:

I also added some sliced red pepper and saffron to give it even more of a Spanish vibe. Last night I made us turkey and dumplings, with dilled cornmeal dumplings, adapted from this Gourmet recipe:

My changes include using boneless leftover Christmas turkey, using leeks instead of shallots and adding mushrooms, parsnips, celery, carrots, fresh thyme and sage to the poultry mixture. I also added chopped dill to the cornmeal dumplings. The dish was delicious.

Tonight we're having leftover freezer chili and cornbread. Because it's a snowy day I want to do some baking - I'm thinking either cookies or trying my hand at the Baked brownie recipe. The problem is, I don't have very nice chocolate with which to try it. My outing today with the Boobla is to the library and the grocery store, so we'll see if I can find some nice Ghiardelli squares or something there.

Fin.

scott fujita love

i'm so enjoying scott fujita's manly man face beaming up at me from the top of my blurg that i'm kind of loathe to post YET ANOTHER long-winded blabby post that will push him down the screen.

but...long-windedness is kind of what i do.

speaking of long-winded, s-dawg told me a funny story about big d that i thought i'd share. so like, in the summer when i was visiting at my family's crumbling estate i brought some laundry with me and as a direct result of my habitual tendency to over-estimate the capacity of laundry equipment...i burned out the motor and broke their washer. i offered to buy them a new one or contribute to a new one which went a LOOOONG way to big d not chewing me out for the better part of 16 hours. so my mum and big d finally bought a new washer.

now, lest you have ANY misconceptions about the gendered division of labour example in which i was raised, you should know that the assignation of duties in my childhood home go something like this: big d: everything domestic; my mum: nothing remotely domestic. that's not entirely true...my mum will come up with half-cocked theories and ideas about WANTING to do something (say, bake) and is very good at going out and buying all the necessary tools and materials, but not so good on the operationalizing. which is to say that all my life, big d has been the laundry-maker, grocery-shopper, etc. etc. in our house. which is to say that he has been applying his prodigious talent for OCD-ing and micro-managing a perfectly normal situation (cell phone plans, grocery shopping, etc.) to laundry for the past 25 years.

so s-dawg shows up shortly after the purchase and installation of the new machine to find that there's like 8 different detergents lined up outside of the laundry room door. he asked what was going on, and APPARENTLY, the new energy efficient machines are SO smart that you have to use detergent specifically designed for them, because otherwise they'll sense the excess of suds in the water and CONTINUE running, thereby negating their energy efficiency. s-dawg was suitably skeptical, to which big d replied something along the lines of, "i didn't believe it either, but then i verified it by looking it up on the FORUMS ON LAUNDRY DOT COM" LOL! the idea of big d trolling the forums and being a n00b on laundry.com is kind of the best, ever. the idea of big d being so invested in laundry that he went out and found a message board dedicated to his passion is also the best, ever. what gets even better is that even when presented with the irrefutable first hand observations of the interwebs, big d STILL didn't believe them and SAT AND WATCHED THE LAUNDRY GO THROUGH THE ENTIRE CYCLE WITH THE REGULAR DETERGENT. ahahahahahahahahahaha!!! that my friends, is TEXTBOOK big d.


last night we went out for em's birthday dinner. we went to vi vetha bistro in the beaches. i wasn't the biggest fan. if you click on the menu you can see the offerings - i had a hard time deciding what to get because all of the millions of plates of pasta had at least ONE thing that i wasn't feeling and didn't understand or appreciate the addition of. as a general rule i tend to avoid places with a vodka sauce, a rosé sauce, or with too many items in a pasta. i really feel like there should be a max of like, 5 ingredients in a pasta dish. and i really don't like fusion pasta - like curried pastas or pasta and chili hybrids or pasta and thai combinations...i ended up ordering a GIANT caesar salad that was pretty decent if a little over-dressed and a seafood pasta in what was touted as an olive oil, lemon, wine sauce (which i kind of assumed would mean the pasta would be lightly coated in the above), but which actually meant that the pasta was totally naked except for a giant pool of the liquid-y sauce sitting in the bottom of the bowl. my preference would always be to have a place do 4 or 5 pastas REALLY well instead of 20ish pastas okay. the portions were quite large though and the scallops in my pasta were cooked correctly.

more importantly, it was a hilarious night of much laughter and conversation with my outlaw family, that involved a spirited discussion on why me and the dotytron aren't interested in listening to CBC radio (1, 2, 3...whathaveyou) that culminated in momma d totally momming it up by leaning over and telling us that music is subjective and everyone has their own taste. lol!!! also, the dotytron's sister asked us, who would we like to have sing to us, and without missing a beat, i said: "hall and oates" and then "steve perry" but the dotytron thought i was mis-interpreting the question and tried to rephrase it so that i understood. basically, it's who you would want to like, stroke your hair while your head is in their lap and have sing to you, not who has awesome songs. and to that, i reply, "i SAID hall and oates." ha! i later amended my choice to include willie nelson, or spandau ballet, but only doing "true":



the dotytron picked sarah vaughan...BORING:



uhhhh...i know music is subjective (thanks, momma d!) but...I WIN. c'maaan!!!

tonight s-dawg came over so that we could have an on-camera interview for that tv show. it was to make sure we're comfortable being taped? s-dawg had already demanded that i refer/introduce him as colonel charisma (upgraded from the lower-ranking captain charisma). i *think* the interview went well - we're pretty winning. i really don't know what they're going to do about the finance bit, but as dr. rei said, if they want us on the show, they'll figure something out.


i made us a quickie dinner when we got home...penne with guanciale and cauliflower and a romaine salad with toasted walnuts and caramelized cinnamon pears and red onion in a red wine vinaigrette.

now it's yoga/stretching time.

fin.