"because it was the annual fundraising gala my mum's fundraising organization throws in support of the hospital she raises funds for." Ummm...WHAT. WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? THE MOST REDUNDANCY-FILLED SENTENCE OF ALL TIME?!
Proof positive that I am not working at 100%
This week has been pretty busy - with a visit/hang with someone every day, in addition to the life stuff that takes me a million hours to do (laundry, making dinner, etc.) and trying to get a daily outing/walk in as well. It's contributing to the sense that life is a blur, which I suppose I should be grateful for, having gotten extremely depressed reading this comic that documents the author's mother's slide into early-onset Alzheimer's.
My thoughts are a bit of a jumble at the moment. Suffice to say that I'm at the point in my maternity leave where I feel that Academic Book Club (tonight) requires a new outfit and accordingly spend hours at the newly-opened, 10-minute-walk-away Joe Fresh in the service of this whim. I will say though: THICK WORK-APPROPRIATE LEGGINGS. STRIPES. How was I supposed to resist?
Here are some pics until I can muster the mustard to actually write something of value:
A very rare Great Gazoo grin
Our newest obsession: stacking the babies on top of each other. Prof. Gantok looking mildly alarmed, as per usual.
Prof. Gantok alarmed again.
Prof. Gantok looking bug-eyed (does he have a thyroid condition?) but not overly alarmed.
And...back to being alarmed.
Still alarmed.
The ever-popular tight-fisted sturdy lad crying jag. The Great Gazoo looking a little, "get over it already, buddy"
Another face from the man of a million expressions.
My sister and Uncle Rico and her kids were in town this weekend because it was the annual fundraising gala my mum's fundraising organization throws in support of the hospital she raises funds for. We don't usually go to the gala - maybe once every other year, because it's just too crazy and kind of stressful and the Dotytron hates being hungover now and (according to him) there's no point going if you can't get properly crunked.
Anyway, we usually meet up with everyone for lunch the next day, so I made us reservations at this new (to us) dim sum place, called Dragon Boat Fusion, in Markham. By my count, I estimated that there were going to be 15 people there (including the babies), which is an unwieldy number for any restaurant. Trying to just go out impromptu no longer works with my family. We're just too darned big.
This is what happens when we go out for food. I do the organizing, I do the ordering, and Bruce Wayne heckles me and the Dotytron usually jumps in and starts chirping me too, because he wants the cold shoulder later on, or something, I'm not sure what his motivations are.
This is how things unfolded: we show up at the restaurant, it's PACKED because they do the early bird cheap dim sum thing. We're not getting cheap dim sum, because our reservation is at 11am, when it ends (a fact my mum made a point of, even though, need I remind you again: I'M THE ONE WHO DID THE ORGANIZING, and it would be nigh on IMPOSSIBLE to get everyone there before 11am, considering some of the gang were out carousing until 3am, drinking, and slept downtown at a hotel). I place an order, the food sloooooowly starts to trickle in. Bruce Wayne starts giving me the gears about not having ordered enough food. My mum (who can't hear very well) is also asking me a million questions at my elbow, about what was ordered. The Dotytron starts giving me the gears and joining in. I'm starting to feel stressed out, so I place a secondary order for more food. Uncle Rico is looking extremely tired and worn. Little Ze, is sitting there, green around the gills, with his head on the table. "What's wrong with Little Ze?" My sister says, "He says he's not feeling well."
The second order is placed, Little Ze says he feels sick. Then he says he's going to throw up and coughs up a bit of braf. Then everyone starts shouting a million different things, I'm rooting through my diaper bag for a bag, Little Ze brafs onto a plate, and Uncle Rico's HANDS, and I finally get a bag and we dump the braf into that and he brafs some more. Dotytron is shouting that we have to get Little Ze to the bathroom, I'm shouting back that we shouldn't move him. Amidst all the chaos and me trying to find more bags in my diaper bag, my mum is shoving a jacket (which I thought was Little Ze's) into my hands and telling me to wipe the braf off of it. I'm like, "I'll just stick it in a bag and we can clean it when we get home," and she hisses at me, "IT'S LEATHER!!!" and then I realize that - OF COURSE! - my mum is concerned about her own leather jacket. LOL!
Uncle Rico isn't eating, so we decide he should just take Little Ze home and we'll figure out how to get the rest of my sis' family back to my mum's house. They leave. Then the food starts coming. And coming. And coming. At this point, some of the steamer baskets are stacked like, 5 deep. It is INSANE. And of course, my family being my family, we had enough food with the first round of ordering!!! So, now I'm stressed because I'm feeling guilty about all the food we have to now deal with. Meanwhile, we get a text from Uncle Rico that in true my sister fashion, she didn't give him the keys to my mum's house, and Big D isn't home, so they're stuck outside. The funniest part is that when all the food is stacked on the table at it's highest, and we still have 5 dishes to come, one of the servers comes cruising around with a plate of like, braised duck wings, and is like, "Can I interest you in this?" and all 13 of us, turn to her in unison and shout, "Noooooooooooooooo!"
To top it off, the Dotytron, on the car ride home, gives me this talk about how, "Maybe, the next time we go to dim sum, and I don't mean this in any way to be an attack on you, and I don't want you to take it personally, we should eat the first round first and THEN order more." AND THEN I TOOK IT HELLA PERSONALLY. And started losing my s**t, because he was CHIRPING AT ME the same as Bruce Wayne, the ENTIRE TIME at the restaurant that I hadn't ordered enough. And he's telling me NOT TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY?!? This is the guy who has NEVER organized anything for our family, and the one time he did (this disastrous attempt that we call the "Huntsville Death March" - where we basically tried to - unsuccessfully - take a group of 13 people to lunch in Huntsville on a whim, coming home from the cottage), he basically almost broke down in tears. THAT'S RICH, DOTYTRON. REALLY RICH.
It was hilarious. It was epic. It was ridiculous. It was a series of unfortunate events. And it basically sums up my family to a T.
As soon as fall weather starts rolling in, it's a guarantee that I start looking at the contents of my closet and lamenting and making wish lists and thinking about ways I would spend fictional dough. Here's the problem: I have no business buying clothes when I will conceivably be spending the majority of the coming year in things with elastic waists. It's not like I'm going to bust out my booties for a trip to the drop-in centre. And yet...
Does anyone know why Frye boots are so expensive? These are $498. To me, they are the perfect leather riding boot. I highly doubt that they would fit over my ginormous calves, but one can dream. One day, maybe when I hit a significant birthday, I will allow myself these.
I want to supplement my fitted blazers with something relaxed and slouchy, like this. For work, I'd do a bright pencil skirt, with a jersey t-shirt, and this with the sleeves rolled.
I've been toying with the idea of a pair of oxfords, but I think the brogue styling of these flats is perfect. I don't think I can pull off oxfords, frankly. These are so ladylike but with the trim and details that I like.
A military-inspired fall jacket, to be paired with a striped long-sleeve t-shirt, boyfriend jeans rolled at the cuffs, and sneakers.
For some incredibly stupid reason, Gap decided to discontinue my beloved really skinny pants. Since it is unlikely that I will fit into my size 4s any time soon, it looks like I'm going to have to get the replacement, the ultra skinny. These are a wardrobe staple. Non negotiable.
Crisp fitted white shirts under fitted or slouchy sweaters for days
A nice fall tote.
And another one. The genius here is the studs on the flaps - the problem with my Cambridge satchel was that I had to undo the belt buckles each time to get in and out of the bag and it started to crack the leather. Not cool.
I can't WAIT until I'm not carrying around a diaper bag any more! But that will mean that I don't need diapers any more and actually, truth be told, just typing those words makes me the saddest. So shut up, me!
3.1 Philip Lim for Target is released today. I'm wondering whether it's worth it to drive up to our nearby location and nosing around. I'm not really interested in anything but the handbags, and even those aren't super turning my crank.
The Wonder Twins had their 3 month check-up yesterday. Prof. Gantok is weighing in a 9 1/2lbs and the Great Gazoo is about 8 1/2lbs, so they're you know, approaching 1 month old sized! They killed it on their 1 month old assessment but I suspect that when I bring them back for their 4 month assessment, they will flunk. The results of Prof. Gantok's ultrasound yesterday revealed that the new cyst was gone (or couldn't be detected) and the one that's been there from the get-go is showing no change in size. So that's good. We just have to continue to keep an eye on it.
I made this little graphic below to show how the Wonder Twins both look like their big bro, but in different ways:
It's like the Big Yam is a combination of his two little brothers
- this pic is basically a punnett square (remember those? Grade 11 bio, say what!). Also: I've got to stop taking pics with Prof. Gantok in the foreground, because he always looks WAY WAY WAY bigger than the Great Gazoo.
Now that the update is out of the way, can I talk about how much I hate Mackelmore (and by extension, Ryan Lewis)? STOP LECTURING ME, MACKELMORE! Gawd. I hate, hate, hate him. I am so not into some white dude from Seattle "saving" hip hop and civilizing it with his preachy, terrible music. The Dotytron and I were talking about it - a white guy from Seattle who hasn't been a part of the "scene" in any meaningful way is not going to effectively address homophobia in a subculture. Mackelmore might as well be Melissa Etheridge, for the effect he's going to have on those issues at large. I know it doesn't have to be said: but I'm obviously not homophobic. I just hate maudlin, heavy-handedness like that Mackelmore (and Ryan Lewis) song, "Same Love." I also find the video really cheesy. By the way, Ryan Lewis is like the "based on the novel Push by Sapphire" of the music world. Anyway, my point is, changing notions of masculinity are going to have to come from people who are within the culture - like when the Game had that butterfly tattoo on his cheek.
In other news of people I hate: Terry Richardson. I know, I know, it's low hanging fruit, but still - that guy is THE WORST. He directed that new Miley Cyrus video, for "Wreaking Ball" and it's so Terry Richardson that it makes me barf in my mouth a bit. That being said, can anyone tell the difference between Terry Richardson and Dov Charney of American Apparel? Not I.
Well, I ended up d**king around on the internet so much I ran out of time to gift you with additional pop culture reviews/musings. I will say that I think Ai Wei Wei comes across like a bit of breakcore kid in that fawning documentary, Ai Wei Wei: Never Sorry, but I will unpack that further when I have the capacity to be a bit more on point.
...you gotta do the best you can with the apples you got." - SMcKay, 2013
Nothing sums up our first week of the new normal like that little adage, made up on the fly when our little movie club held a Jewish edition on Saturday, in honor of Rosh Hashanah (she was actually being self-deprecating about her apple sauce contribution to the dinner, but as soon as that little gem slipped from her lips, we realized that truer words have perhaps never been spoken). More on that night, later.
First week of no Ian debrief: s**t ain't easy. Tuesday was great and I think I got overly optimistic and, like Icarus flying towards the sun, my hubris was rewarded with two rough days on Wednesday and Thursday. It just felt like we were in high adrenalin mode all day. As soon as the Dotytron comes home, I want to hand off the babies, but he's got the Big Yam, and so we need to pay attention to him, get dinner on the table, deal with the 6-9pm witching hour when both babies are basically yelling at me and want to be fed nonstop, and then collapse exhausted into bed as soon as the babies get their last bottle. To say nothing of stuff like: laundry, dishes, tidying, grocery shopping, taking a shower, the Dotytron doing any prep for his next day of work, etc. We were purely in survival mode. On Friday, my mum came over and it was a godsend. She was lovely. She held babies so that I could shower and get dinner ready and tidy up and put away laundry and clean the bathroom and all the other things I hadn't been able to do.
All the things that people complain about when they have one baby, that we never, ever experienced (being unkempt, sleep deprived, the standard "I've got vomit on my clothes and no time to address it" malarkey is finally biting us in the butts now. I am unshowered, greasy, and I leave the house in workout clothes entirely too much for my self-esteem's liking. I can still get a good dinner on the table, but at the expense of being Pigpen from the Peanuts and feeling mild anxiety from having the house be a mess. One baby is a joke. One baby and a preschooler is less of a joke. But seriously, talk to me when you got two at once (or more!) and a preschooler.
Okay, whine over. Really, we're doing okay by most people's standards. I just have insanely high standards. I mean, I got to cut some quilt pieces and we still went to the farmer's market on the weekend and I made a brisket dinner on Saturday, so it's not like we're eating takeout every night and slowly mouldering away in a pile of feces. We're not that bad (yet). It is tiring and we do need help though. My mum has been lovely. So has Momma D. Our neighbour's mum, who we call halmeoni (Korean for "grandmother") is so sweet and has offered to come and help us clean the house and tidy the yard. Our neighbour's kids are in school and the youngest just started daycare this month, so Halmeoni is going to have more time on her hands. She told me that she might start volunteer work but that she'd rather volunteer for me (!!!!!). I told her it'd be nice if she could just hold a baby now and then so I could clean the bathroom, but she said she preferred to do that work so that the parents could spend quality time with their children (!!!!!). I relayed this to the Dotytron and he was like, "She really IS our halmeoni!" Seriously: how sweet IS that?
One of our saving graces this past week is that the Big Yam had some kind of maturation while at the cottage (even though you wouldn't know it WHILE at the cottage, since he was constantly acting up and belting Little Big Cuz). For better or worse, he tends to learn new things whenever he has an extended visit with the cousins (generally, it's been for the worse in the past). He's been LOVELY this past week. No hitting, listening, helpful, amendable to the earlier bedtime, really cute and cuddly and playful and hilarious. He says so many funny things and seems to have made a big cognitive/linguistic jump.
He's really into My Neighbour Totoro now. He started requesting the "Totoro song" (opening and ending credit themes) so we would watch those on Youtube. Then the Dotytron found this:
Studio Ghibli, which is the studio founded by Hiyao Miyazaki (the director of Totoro and Spirited Away, etc.) held a 25th anniversary concert at Budokan featuring music from all the animated films. They were all composed by Joe Hisaishi, who conducted and plays during the concert. Guys, it's THE BEST. We are obsessed. The Dotytron put on the Totoro part (1hr 31 min mark) and the Big Yam was ENTRANCED. It's the big finale of the concert and by the end of the first time watching it, the Dotytron and I were both openly crying. Joe Hisaishi is so cute! It's a retrospective of his life's work! It's a testament to this long-standing partnership between him and Miyazaki! The music is amazing! The are like, 7 different choirs! The orchestra is huge! All new arrangements!!! Joe can write a movie theme like no other. It's sick.
Anyway, the Big Yam's favorite thing is watching what he calls the "Totoro saxaphone song" and trying to sing along in Japanese (!). So right now, the sum total of the Big Yam's top of the pop charts is: Kendrik Lamar's Swimming Pools (Drank), Kendrik Lamar's Real, and the Ponyo theme and Totoro themes, in Japanese. Obviously, we are willing to indulge his current fixation with live orchestra as much as he wants. I would rather listen to this kind of "children's" music than the cloying garbage that accompanies most children's programming and movies.
There's a scene where one of the characters, Mei wants to bring an ear of corn to her mom in the hospital. Last week's CSA had corn and the Big Yam was thrilled that they had corn, "like Mei!" and insisted on carrying an ear home the way she does in the movie. I just about died from cute overload when his hands slipped and he stopped walking to carefully rearrange his grip so that it was just like hers.
I asked him if he wanted to be Totoro for Halloween and he said he wanted to be Satsuki, Mei's older sister
who looks like this:
He could have done it with his old haircut, but SMcKay chopped off his hair (in a hilarious bungle) on Saturday night so he's lost his Teen Wolf bowl cut. He looks super-cute now and you can see more of his face, but he looks a lot more like a little boy so I love it and it breaks my heart at the same time.
We had Lolly, her hubby, and SMcKay over for another movie night. It was supposed to be movie themed and we were deciding between any number of films - Woody Allen, Dustin Hoffman, before Lolly's hubby remembered (fortuitously!) that Judith Light is actually Judith Licht, so that we could continue watching Who's The Boss? Ummm...AMAZING!
So we had a Rosh Hashanah meal and dipped apples in honey and ate a new fruit and I made brisket with latkes and Lolly made a beet and pear salad and SMcKay brought apple sauce. It was delicious:
I made this torte from the Smitten Kitchen website. I love hazelnuts and I love meringue desserts. To make it dairy-free I made 7 Minute Frosting in lieu of the whipped cream. It was good, but I think the whipped cream would have been better. It's a surprisingly easy dessert which yields impressive looking results.
The gnome hats make their appearance! Nothing is better than babies in gnome hats.
Things people say about the Great Gazoo: "He has the face of an angel." "He's so handsome." "He just has the sweetest face."
Things people say about Prof. Gantok: "It looks like his eyes are upside down."
We also get a lot of: "Twins!" *looking at the Great Gazoo* "Oh, so it's one boy and..." *glancing at Prof. Gantok* "- one girl?" I don't think he looks particularly girly, but maybe I'm too close to the subject. People definitely seem to have a clear favorite in the looks department and it's the Great Gazoo. Poor Prof. Gantok!!! It's not his fault he is all cheeks and a small mouf. I will say that the Great Gazoo loves to stare deeply, lovingly, and placidly into your eyes - he's been that way since birth. But he really only has two expressions: it's either beautiful-angel-baby or Jean-Chretien-lip-face-crumple. Whereas, Prof. Gantok is a man of a million different expressions - all of them hilarious. It balances out.
Sunday we had Momma D over for dinner. I made barbecued chicken, steamed green beans tossed with coconut oil & sesame oil, stuffing from the freezer (November 2012!!! Almost a year old and tasty as the day it was born!) and corn on the cob.
Prof. Gantok's follow-up ultrasound is tomorrow morning. I talked to my doctor again and I asked if the presence of cysts in that area automatically means PVL and he said no. It is something they have to monitor though, and there aren't really any good kinds of brain cysts.
Let's start with the good news: we had a fantastic time at the cottage. All my siblings save C-Hova were represented (he had dental school duties) and our cottage was mad blingin'. It was only around 2 hours away and we could get there without having to hit the cottage gridlock on the 400. It had a big swatch of sandy beach, a bunch of water toys, a ground-level giant rec room and a second floor living room so we weren't all on top of each other and we had some place to send the kids, wi-fi, satellite tv, and the water was shallow for at least 75 feet out from the shore, so we could relax without worrying (too much) about the kids drowning. Here are some snaps:
LOL at how giant the Great Gazoo's feet look in this pic
Elton John?
The arms were my idea
Here's the bad news: we slept in a king sized bed while we were there and got used to it. I did the number crunching to see how much it would cost us to upgrade to a king (mattress, bed frame, 2 sets of cotton linens, 2 sets of flannel linens, 1 duvet, 2 duvet covers) and it was more than I want to spend at the moment. Although we could probably sell our current frame for a good price and maybe our mattress too...still not worth it. It would be a bitter pill for me to swallow to get rid of our frame - it's a mid century beauty with narrow, tapered legs and I haven't seen many of those around. King sized mid century frames I never see. So we'll stick with being squished for now.
Good news: first day of school/me home alone seems to have gone really well. I got the Big Yam to daycare only 15 minutes late, and this is after he slept in like whoa. The Wonder Twins did their longest sleep stretch yet - from 9:30pm - 4:30am and didn't seem too fussed about me ripping them from their peaceful swaddled slumber and throwing them in their car seats for the daycare ride this morning. Our daycare provider said that to make it easier for me, I could call her from outside of the house and she would come out and grab the Big Yam so I didn't have to unpack everyone, which is so sweet of her.
At the cottage, the Dotytron and my sister convinced me that I need to keep the Big Yam in daycare full time, so I frantically called J to let her know. Lucky, because she was interviewing someone this week to fill the other half of what would have been his part-time slot. I talked to her today and told her that we would pay full-time even though I'll probably only have him in 4 days a week and she is refusing my money so we're in the middle of negotiating. She's so sweet. We are so lucky to have her.
Bad news: leading up to the first day of school was kind of fraught. The Dotytron and I got into a classic Dotytron-Lagerfeld scuffle because he was a bundle of nerves and I was being insensitive to his nervy bundle. He was on edge last night and I was trying to figure out what City of Toronto programming I should sign up the Big Yam for. I asked him if he thought basketball or soccer was good and he was being weirdly negative so I got snappy in return. The Dotytron's point: putting the Big Yam in basketball is a waste of time since he hasn't shown any interest in ball sports. My point: he hasn't shown any interest because we haven't exposed him and this will give him a chance to try it out. Let's just say that the argument culminated in me peevishly saying, "If you had YOUR way the only skills he'd learn would be from the Halloween Spooktacular!" (actual name of Halloween crafting program). Saying the word "spooktacular" during an argument is its own reward.
Finally rounding out the bad news, the Wonder Twins had a follow-up ultrasound to check up on the cysts in their brains that were first detected when they were in the NICU. The Great Gazoo had some teeny ones, but Prof. Gantok had some bigger ones. While we were at the cottage, I got a call from my doctor saying that the Great Gazoo's cysts had disappeared, but that they didn't know about Prof. Gantok's. I was concerned and then even more so when I came home to find that he had been scheduled for another brain ultrasound. I didn't know if it was because they didn't get proper images the first time, or if the cysts had gotten bigger. I called my doctor today and he said that the cysts in Prof. Gantok's brain were still there. One had either disappeared or couldn't be found, and there was a new one. The problem with the diagnostics is that ultrasound is an imprecise tool, so the new one could have been there all along, or have just appeared. The same could be said for the one that "disappeared" - maybe it just wasn't found this time around. They are in an area of the brain (the ventricles) that have to do with the neurons that coordinate motor skills. The worst case scenario is that it's periventricular leukomalacia (PVL) - a type of brain injury common in premature infants deprived oxygen to the brain that can cause cerebral palsy, developmental delays, and behavioral issues. You can find out more (if you are so inclined) from this article here.
Low birth weight (less than 1500g) and mechanically ventilated premature infants born at less than 32 weeks' gestation are at the highest risk for PVL. The Wonder Twins were both more than 1500g and cleared the 32 week marker (just), but they did have to be mechanically ventilated for a time. My doctor said that the presence of cysts are just one part of the picture. He, our paediatrician, and the paediatricians at the neo-natal follow up clinic will also be on the lookout for other things - like low (muscle) tone, if Prof. Gantok favors one side of his body over another, difficulty feeding, etc. So far, he doesn't show any of those symptoms.
*knock on wood x 1 billion*
SO SUCKS. We have to just keep hoping for the best. For right now, he certainly seems like a regular baby. Although having the talk with the doctor is making me second guess everything. Like, maybe that's why he looks so scared all the time? Maybe that's why his eyes are darting around all the time? Maybe that's why he's needier than his brother? You can go crazy looking for things to be wrong, especially when you're prone to hypochondriac tendencies like I am.
I'm no doctor, but I can prescribe lots of hugs and kisses and smushes and cheek-eating.
Cutest little turtle, ever.
Chipotle-lime marinated pork (a winner!), zucchini blossom fritters, steamed carrots with mint butter. And the WORST corn I've ever eaten. We bought it from the Farmer's Market. I think it was feed corn. The WORST.
We've gone back to mostly dairy-free, healthy eating since Sunday. It's felt nice, although I'm ravenous all the time and I miss all the dessert eating at the cottage. I've been feasting on peaches and nectarines a plenty though. GAH. They are SO GOOD RIGHT NOW.
my name is karl lagerfeld. i'm a lucky button, buckshot shorty, and an industrious pig. i write about food, popular culture, film, books, politics, theory, and the ephemera of my life. a can of chinotto once ruined my night. the rest, as they say, is history.
