The Ol' One-Two

Yesterday was our 4 year wedding anniversary.  Today is my birthday.  We always, always, always forget our wedding anniversary.  The only people who remember are my sister and Momma D.  We loved the day we got hitched, but the date was and is arbitrary.  We've been together for 12 years now, so the date we tied ourselves to the hitching post seems like just another fun day in our fun and crazy life together.

It actually wasn't so fun yesterday.  It started with a 5 hour sleep stretch from the Wonder Twins, which was BLISS.  Followed by the hell that is the Big Yam finally figuring out how to use a doorknob and abusing that privilege by getting up outta bed whenever he gets it into his Big Giant Head to do so (yesterday it was 5am!) and wanting it to be instant hang times.  Not great.  I'm thinking of getting one of those child safety door knob covers for the inside door knob in his room so that he can be trapped in there until we see fit to let him out.  Life was so much easier when he was imprisoned in his room.

The Wonder Twins also had their scheduled 8-week check-up yesterday.  It was their first time meeting our family doctor.  I was there for TWO HOURS.  The most concerning thing is that Q has one small ear and one regular sized ear:

The small ear is like half the size.  Our midwife discovered it and it wasn't picked up by the paediatricians at the NICU, so she wanted us to alert our family doctor.  At first, her concern after doing some reading is that "low-set" ears are linked to Down's Syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities.  However, according to her, there isn't much literature about just ONE low-set ear.  I've been reading up on some of the chromosomal abnormalities associated with low-set ears and Q doesn't really show any of the other characteristics.  Apparently, because pinna (outer ear) development occurs at a critical juncture, chromosomal abnormalities associated with low-set ears tend to have other characteristics - heart issues, cleft palates, extra digits, clenched hands, etc.  The only way to find out would be genetic testing, I'm assuming.  Also, I think it would be strange for chromosomal abnormalities in only one of an identical twin set, but who knows?  I read this recent National Geographic article about twins and this article from Scientific American.  Both articles suggest something that makes sense to me - that there can be genetic differences between identical twins - due to copying errors or environmental mutations, etc.  

Our family doctor thinks that it's more likely that Q's ear is related to his flattening head.  The head flattening could be caused by two reasons: #1 (best case scenario) is muscle tightening that means he favours lying on one side of his head - this can be addressed with physiotherapy and stretches.  #2 is worse.  It could be that the skull plates of his head are fusing together, creating flattening and bulging (the side of his head with the wonky ear is a little bulgy) as his brain grows and has no place to grow, which could also be displacing his ear.  The type of flattening our doctor noticed and the way the ears are displaced indicates that it might be one of the rarest forms of craniosynostosis, lambdoid synostosis.  The treatment is usually skull-busting surgery between 4-6 months of age, followed by a corrective helmet, worn TWENTY THREE hours of the day for an additional 6 months.  

Le sigh.  It was a lot to take in.  I went to the doctor by myself because the Dotytron stayed home to look after the Big Yam, who we kept home yesterday.  We're being referred back to the neo-natal follow up clinic to be seen by one of the paediatricians there and that's the first step.  In the interim, our doctor is trying to arrange physiotherapy for Q.  I hope he doesn't end up looking like the Great Gazoo for the first year of his life, but it's better than a chromosomal abnormality.  We are slightly discouraged and worried and stressed about this whole situation.  The thing with twins is - your worries and concerns keep ping-ponging between them.  In the NICU, it was all about how Professor Gantok was all barfy and had the brain cysts (which still might be there for all we know - follow up ultrasound is later this month) and how he was having mad apnea spells.  Now it's all about Q's issues.  

Professor Gantok seems to be doing fine.  He basically just gains weight and looks scared.  Those are his two primary skills right now.  We call him "Gloria Gaynor" because of his ability to pack on the lbs.  Gloria Gaynor, FYI, is the woman who sang "I Will Survive."  For some reason we find it incredibly funny.  

When they mark them on the growth curve, for all the variables (head circumference, weight, length) they basically are off the charts (in the bad way - as in, they don't appear) if you treat them like 2 month olds.  If you track them as if they were born at term (which would have been last Friday - my actual due date), then they're in the 15-50th percentile for those markers.  Poor little underachieving bubbies.  Some Wonder Twins they are.  

We went into my birthday feeling a bit low.  At the end of the day though, no matter what happens, I reminded myself and the Dotytron that we are lucky to be the parents of our three little wonders.  Whatever is in store for us, we are a family and we will weather it together - with poor taste, humor, often times misplaced anger, and occasionally, if we're lucky, a smidgen of grace.  

Look at this little elf' and his weird noggin.

The Big Yam is a handful and I started the day not being very nice to him.  This morning he rolled up again at some ungodly hour (maybe 6:30) and was all ready to roll.  I was pretty snappy at him.  The lack of consistent, uninterrupted sleep manifests itself in my inability to rally in the morning.  Usually, I'm an out-and-out morning person, but I'm definitely having problems getting rolling.  The Dotytron's low period is in the mid afternoon.  They woke me up before the Big Yam went to daycare and sang "happy birthday" to me and then gave me a homemade card.  Apparently the Dotytron asked him if he had anything nice he wanted to say about his mama when they were making the card, and the Big Yam was like, "no!" Haha - I don't blame him - what would he have nice to say about his short and curt grumpy mum?  

This guy:

That was taken in Geneseo when my sis gave him a pair of Thomas pyjamas.  He came running out, so proud and happy and I said to him, "Look at your in your cute Thomas jammies!" and he looked down at himself and said really softly, "I know."  LOL!  How cute is that?

He's been working through some stuff lately. To do with electricity.  He went with the Dotytron to the Science Centre and got scared by the electricity display.  For the past week or so, he's been talking it out.  "Electricity makes a cracking sound. A crackling cracking sound."  In Geneseo, we were at a play area with a big plastic dome and some coarse, thick-grained sand/fine stones.  He would throw the sand/stones at the plastic dome and would say: "Electricity!" (imagine the sound it makes).  It was pretty cute and smart.  I love it when he synthesizes stuff.  It's so interesting to watch.  

The rest of my birthday was pretty good.  We went to Rose and Sons for lunch/brunch.  It's a teeny tiny place - the two car seats wouldn't even fit in the 4 person booth - we had to stack them somewhat precariously.  The food was first rate.  I would definitely go back.   It's kind of Jewish influenced soul-food - so they do patty melts and fried chicken and yummy-sounding sweet brunch items.  I want to try their dinner menu.  They also recently opened an outdoor barbecue joint called Big Crow that I'd like to check out.

My sandwich - the PLB special - a cheddar melt with pickles, sausage, bacon, fried egg. Served with cherry jam.  This was freaking delicious.  The Dotytron got the 3 egg special with schmaltz fried hashbrowns, and their house-smoked thick cut bacon.  

I came home, took a nap, and woke up to a Canada Post delivery person dropping off a box at our door.  The Dotytron and I don't usually do birthday/anniversary/Xmas presents.  It's just not our thing.  We prefer to just do dinner together and hang or something low key and low concept.  The package was a surprise present - a new juicer!  Huzzah! I'm pumped - it's going to make our CSA so much more cost-effective.  We're meeting our friends at the Brickworks tomorrow and I'm definitely going to pick up some beets and other produce for juicing.  Can't wait.

Then the Roomie came over with her adorable daughter.  We hung out and ordered Mexican food.  The Dotytron made me a birthday ice cream pie but as of press time, it hadn't set up enough.  We had 4 kids under 4 afoot, there was a giant mess of toys, and the Wonder Twins were feeding constantly.  It was a bit of a crazy stressful tornado but I guess this is my life now.  I can't complain.  I am well loved.

Fin.

Road Trippin'

We survived our first road trip as a giant family of 5.  My packing list was fairly intense and we only went 3 hours away.  Specifically, to the United States, where we could presumably buy everything we might need/have forgotten at home.  As you already know, I love packing up a car like nobody's business.  Packing up Eddie VAN Halen?  BLISS.  Modular, organized, capacious bliss.  I couldn't have been happier.  WE HAD SO MUCH ROOM LEFT OVER!  Ugh...just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.  I'd say that 40% of my week-at-the-cottage-with-the-family fun is made up of car packing and list-making anticipation.  It's a sickness.

Prior to our departure we were the victims of anti-big-family discrimination for the first time.  After our final midwife appointment (tear!) last Thursday morning, we were emboldened and decided to try to have brunch at a local favorite, Lady Marmalade.  We roll up, and the restaurant is pretty full, except for a 4-top in the corner. The server sizes us up and says, "Table for 2..and 2 babies." The server looks around and tells us it's going to be at least a 20 minute wait.  I glance at the empty table and the server catches my eyes and says, "Oh there IS a table available, if you can squeeze yourselves in there."  We figured she didn't want us to occupy a 4 person table when there were only presumably 2 of us who were going to eat and run up a bill.  It was kind of galling.  It's like, seriously lady, we always order like, 2 entrées each.

As an example, before we left we went out for dinner with Dr. Rei to Caplansky's to fulfil a three day promise to the Big Yam that we were going to go out for hot dogs and french fries, and ketchup, and ice cream:

That's how much food we ordered for 3 adults, 1 toddler.

Not pictured: the ice cream sandwiches we got at Baker Bots.  We picked up Dr. Rei from work in Eddie Van Halen and then went to Caplanksy's and then to Baker Bots and then we dropped her off at her house.  The Big Yam said to her, "Thanks for coming over" (!!!!!)  So cute!  LOL!  Yup, we live in our van now.  Then he said, "When I wake up in the morning, I'm going to play with Auntie Rei again."  It was hard telling him that he wasn't going to see Auntie Rei tomorrow after all.  Sometimes he can be so sweet and innocent and dear.  There are those moments when he says stuff like that where the Dotytron and I just meet each other's eyes and feel our hearts rend a little.  It's hard to remember when he's screaming "NO!" at the top of his lungs what a sweet little boy he is.  The weekend before, our street had our annual street party.  It was a hoot:

The kids were playing with these things called aqua zookas (basically water guns that aren't shaped like guns) and the Big Yam squirted a little neighbour girl who didn't want to get wet and she started wailing and crying.  We went over to the Big Yam and told him that she didn't want to get squirted and you could see the emotions washing over his big, dark-eyed, open face.  He felt so chastened and bad and his lip started quivering and he yelled, "No!" and started crying.  It was so hard to watch.  You could tell he felt so sorry and his little body just didn't know how to handle the emotion.  I think that's one of the things that's the hardest for us right now when it comes to parenting the Big Yam. How to coach him through the tumult of his emotions? Sometimes he just seems so...unhappy.  It really must suck to be almost 3.  You're just trying to make it in a workaday world.  

The street party gave us mad post-party debrief material.  Proof that the Dotytron is a good sport - he subjected himself to this game, where the dads wore shower caps on their heads that were coated in whipped cream (should have been shaving cream, as we later learned) and their respective kids tossed cheezies at their heads and the one with the most cheezies won:

The Big Yam hucked one cheezie, it stuck, and then he promptly ditched the game and went off to do his own thing.  If you ARE going to do this, I'd recommend the shaving cream, because it holds up to the heat.  The whipped cream started melting almost immediately.  The downside is that a kid might eat a shaving cream bedecked cheezie, but that kid is an idiot and has to get got anyway.

Trite: I can't believe it's August tomorrow!  What the heck?  I feel like maternity leave is going to feel much more real once September rolls around and I'm all by my lonesome.  Except not so lonesome.  My first time on mat leave almost 3 years ago I didn't know that many people who were off at the same time as me.  Now it's an embarrassment of riches...I'm actually mildly stressed about when I'm going to see all the people I want to see.  I have a bunch more mum friends I know around the neighbourhood, a bunch of my friends are now on mat leave, I'm setting up a weekly lunch date with some ladies on my street - it's going to be so much more social than the first time.  It will be so nice...I know the year is going to fly by.

I was looking at the Wonder Twins' faces last week and I started crying (hormones!) at the thought of going back to work.  I had talked a big game during the pregnancy - even considering going back to work early once my work EI top-up ran out and letting the Dotytron take the tail end of my maternity leave.  Looking at their little wee funny faces sleeping on my chest made me consider something I never thought I would have considered - extending my maternity leave unpaid for a couple of months.  Going back to work in June when the Dotytron would be just winding down his work year would be heinous.  This summer has been sleep-challenged and not without its stresses (talk to me about staining our deck some other time), but being home together as a family and being able to do fun stuff like farmer's markets and ice cream walks and Science Centre missions and family pool swims has been the life-affirming, enriching, nostalgia-building stuff that I crave and romanticise like whoa.  The thought of going back and missing a summer of freedom, when the Wonder Twins would be ambulatory (maybe), and right before the Big Yam starts junior kindergarten made me cry.  Trite: it's all going by so quickly!  The Big Yam in school?  What the hell?!  This is probably going to be my last kick at the baby-mania can, which is also heightening my awareness of how ephemeral all this is: the sweetness, and milky-breaths, and googly eyes, and gas-y smiles and all the million other things that make me start to understand the whole, 18 Kids and Counting thing.  Anyway, I have time to think and consider it (hello, I'm only 2 months into my mat leave right now!), but the potential that I can take a couple of months unpaid leave is on the table and worming its way around my brain.

Some random catch-up snapshots from life:

These guys.

And these guys.

"Are you supposed to do that with a Moby?" "I dunno...I saw someone do it on the internet." "Ummm...you can see A LOT of things on the internet."  This photo doesn't capture the moment when Professor Gantok tried to latch onto his brother's head.

Midwife graduation photo.  Love our midwife.

Turtle by day. Paul Giamatti impersonator by night.

Cousins holding cousins.

My sister being her awesome self.

At the children's museum in Rochester.  LOL at how wee Lil' Big Cuz looks and how GIANT the Big Yam looks.  

Sweet, sweet, little mini Dotytron.

I've been cooking, too!  

My friend from high school is in town from Egypt.  We had him over - grilled striploins, garlic swiss chard, olive bread and my homemade tapenade, CSA new potatoes tossed with scape-basil pesto and soft boiled duck eggs, an heirloom salad with burrata and mint/basil.  In case you couldn't tell - I've been cheating a bit on the dairy.  Professor Gantok has been a bit barfy, but he's still gaining weight, so I've been the worst mother in the world and throwing caution to the wind.  

Mini cherry hand pies.  Based on this recipe from Serious Eats.  I had a disk of shortening pie crust in the freezer.  All shortening/lard crusts are balls, guys.  I also had my standard pie crust in the freezer so I cracked and used that (3/4 butter: 1/4 lard proportion).  Not surprisingly, the ones made with my standard crust were better.  I'd say the recipe yields a filling that's too thick - it's not jammy enough.  I know what they're trying to do - they don't want the filling too wet and oozy, but this lacked a bit of the lusciousness that a less set filling would have yielded.  

This is my attempt to recreate a favorite dish of mine from Phoenix.  It's not exactly the same (theirs is cooked in a stone pot so you get crusty rice edges) but still tasty.  I sautéed ground pork with CSA snow peas, cut thin, some scapes (also CSA), garlic, and ginger, and some Korean gochujang (fermented chili paste).  Piled that hot on steamed brown rice, and topped it with mandolined cucumber, julienned nori, and a raw egg for mixing.  It was gooood.

This blueberry almond cream cheese danish cake was meh.  I wanted it to be more dessert-y but it came out more brunch-y and the cream cheese layer was basically absorbed by the cake.  Not my favorite.  Big hit with Uncle Rico though.

Unlike this blueberry recipe - the blueberry pudding cake - basically a big muffin with plump, juicy berries - equally delicious for breakfast or for dessert with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Fin.

Deck Dynasty

I keep meaning to post, I truly do, but I find that the days are voraciously consumed by the voracious consumption habits of the wonder twins. Before I know it, it's night time and I have nothing to show for it but sleeping babies with full tummies, a nap, and a home-cooked dinner if I'm really knocking it out of the ballpark.  

We are spending a lot of time on the new deck:

Please pardon the house it is attached to

She's a beauty.  Cedar and pressure-treated (the cedar is all the parts you can see) with big, beautiful wide steps and a cedar screen to hide our neighbours' siding.  When we sit on the deck or lie on the deck, the giant tree in our neighbour's yard makes it feel like you're at the cottage, and the wide expanse of the cedar dropping off at the edge makes it feel like a giant dock (the deck is about 280 square feet).  We love it out there.  What was born out of a sleepless night of fevered, pregnancy-induced nesting home-improvement inspiration turns out to be one of the best things we've ever done - and that's even given the fact that we spent a good chunk of change on a deck during the rainiest summer in recent memory.  

The screen will be a home to some vertical gardening, and maybe a cedar bench next summer that I will build in the spring.  Or maybe the bench will go on the other side.  I'm definitely going to get our electrician to provide power out there next summer and then I'm going to string some globe string lights out there, to mimic every patio in Williamsburg.  From the concrete pad, we've got a lovely stage and eventually, we'll hang a sheet and get a projector and do late night movie nights for the neighbourhood kidlets.  Already, it kills me when the Big Yam climbs on the chairs along the side and conspires with our neighbour kids.  It's so cute.  Talking to your friends through a fence is part of that romanticised Norman Rockwell upbringing that I so want to deliver to my progeny.    

Anyway, by the time the day is done, there hasn't been time for the following three things I'm trying to fit into my schedule: exercise/stretching, working on my quilt, and blogging.  I'm getting some time in for reading, we watch some TV (currently, The Sopranos) or a movie, we've been taking the Big Yam for a daily dip in the pool/splash in the pad/run in the wading pool, and we've been hosting a slew of visitors.  I shouldn't feel guilty but I do have some low-level anxiety when I see the pile of fabric begging to be cut into pieces and feel my atrophying muscles.

Today is the first day we've had the Big Yam home with us.  The Dotytron took him to the Science Centre.  I'm cautiously optimistic.  I figure one morning outing that provides us with a solid 2 hour afternoon nap brings us to the time we would have picked him up from daycare anyway.

This weekend was lovely.  On Friday night our neighbours took the Big Yam for Friday Night movie night - so cute - behold:

Saturday morning Momma D came over and watched the wonder twins so we could take the Big Yam on an epic bike ride around the Leslie Spit (aka Tommy Thompson Park).  It feels so good to be back on the ye olde steed again!  I've missed my bike, so!  Then we had Dr. Rei and Hanbo over for a dinner of oysters, lobster, corn, potato salad, salad, and Hanbo's famous chocolate cake on the deck.  It was so nice.  The Big Yam was pretty well behaved, but he's been doing this thing that breaks our hearts. We've had so many people over lately that at a certain point, he gets bored of the dinner conversation and goes back into the house.  He'll be okay for a time but then he'll come to the screen door and say, "Baba? I want something" and when we ask him what he wants, he shrugs his shoulders.  If we keep pressing him, he'll walk back towards the living room doing his sad shoulder shrugs.  It KILLS US.  He doesn't want to say what he wants (us to spend time with him) because he's afraid we're going to say no!  TELL ME THAT DOESN'T SLAY YOU!  He's getting confused between asking for TV (where we almost always say no) and asking for us to just spend time with him.  The sad shoulder shrugs are so sweet/heartbreaking.

One of my favorite moments from the past few weeks was early when we had brought the twerps home.  The Big Yam loves a good toot joke.  Any time someone toots, he grins this wide grin, looks at you, and asks, "Who TOOTED?!" and then we all laugh.  A few days after we brought the babies home, the Big Yam was put in time out for being a maniac of some form or another.  He was sitting on the stairs in time out, I was on the couch, and from the kitchen, we heard a big toot (the tooter shall remain anonymous to protect the innocent).  The Big Yam looked over at me, and I caught his eye, but he didn't dare say anything because he was in time out, so we just shared a significant, knowing look and it still makes me laugh to this day.

Anyway, on Saturday we ate with Dr. Rei and Hanbo and laughed and talked about Edward Snowdon and looked up Danzig videos and checked out Anthony Kiedis' moobs and their "moobility" (Dotytron's lingo) in the Under the Bridge video to see if he was working out.  You know, the usual stuff.

https://vine.co/v/hZQMQqnh5Fv Hanbo was like, "which one is the baby that always looks scared?" and the Dotytron was like, "I don't know what you're talking about," which is weird, because it's CLEARLY Professor Turtle.  To wit, check out this Vine that the Dotytron made, which captures Professor Turtle as he is, 90% of the time: https://vine.co/v/hZQMQqnh5Fv 

We've taken to calling L, Gantok, because he looks EXACTLY like this character, Gantok the Turtle from this picture book we love, called Pomelo Begins to Grow.  See for yourself:

Here is a photo of Q's Jean Chretien lip in full effect:

Sunday we met the roomie at our closest farmer's market and I ate a delicious jerk chicken sandwich and some gluten and dairy free sweet potato doughnuts.  We saw our neighbours there and so we went home and posse'd up and took the kids to the splash pad.  Then our friends S & P came over for dinner and we visited with them and had takeout from this gas station barbecue place, Leslieville Pumps, that makes the most amazing fried pickles, poutine, and pretty tasty smoked chicken, pulled pork, and pulled brisket sandwiches.  I also cheated and had some of the dessert that S & P brought.  I've been testing the dairy-free limits lately, with small amounts of dairy in baked goods.  I haven't eaten a chunk of cheese or chugged a glass of milk, but I figure 1 cup of sour cream in a cake or some butter in the crust of one serving of a tart is okay.  We've been watching the babies afterwards and they don't seem to be spitting up more.  We started testing them on a few bottles of my dairy-contaminated freezer milk yesterday and so far, it's been okay.  I don't think the spitting up that we've seen can be attributed to the dairy and not to putting them down after a big feed.  Still nervous about resuming eating dairy, but so far, so good.

The weather was so beautiful on the weekend and I was so elated from being back on my bike and going to the farmer's market and doing all these wonderful things in my 'hood that I totally got all PLUR and spent the whole weekend talking about how much I love my city and my 'hood.  To the Dotytron.  Who is already WELL AWARE of how much I love my city and my 'hood and I think was getting all weirded out.  Look, I get stir-crazy being cooped up inside the house, okay?

On Monday, our friends R & R came over and brought their sweet little babby, M, who has the longest eyelashes in the world.  They brought us lunch.  This is how they roll:

Yup, a delicious, seared salmon composed Nicoise salad. All beautifully plated on to their own platters. Those guys are crazy!  Not pictured: the delicious, lard-crust strawberry rhubarb tarlettes they made.  

This is all to say that we have the best friends and so far, a pretty darned good summer, even if I'm not getting a chance to run or work on my quilt.

Fin.

This Life

We've got a more manageable routine going on now that I'm not breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, and pumping every feed.  The wonder twins have slightly more moments of quiet wakefulness but generally they eat, then pass out.  Everyone keeps wondering how we (more me) is handling everything and I can honestly say that I don't find it all that taxing. 

The babies go down at night around 11:30pm and wake up again around 4am and then back down until around 7.  That give us a solid 6 hours of sleep a night, and with a nap a day while they're snoozing, I'm good to go.  The Dotytron is a bit of a delicate flower and would prefer uninterrupted sleep, but I think he's just being a whiner.  Usually I get out to do an outing/errand a day and the Dotytron (who is indulging his shut-in tendencies this summer) stays inside avoiding the sunlight and complaining that the house is too hot (it isn't).  

I would definitely be tuning a different harp if I was going it alone.  I don't know how that would happen.  Even now, giving a solo bottle feed can be madness.  Sometimes the twerps like to twin out and do weird things where they tandem cry and go into some weird, fugue, mind-meld state.  The Dotytron is a stellar, stellar dad.  He's devised his own system of burping them (I'll post a video sometime, it's hilarious), his own post-bath system, he chastises me all the time for not "knowing what they want" (which generally translates to me not giving firm enough bum pats to soothe), and does the majority of the diapers and half the feeds in addition to the odd house chore and dinner clean-up and Big Yam wrangling.  It's great.

We're going to experiment with taking the Big Yam out of daycare two days a week and hope to go up to three days a week come August.  I'll continue that in September (hopefully!).  Summer is easy - if the weather is nice, one of us takes him to the pool after daycare and all the kids are running around outside in the afternoon and after dinner.  The fall into winter is going to be tougher.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm hoping to enrol him in some kind of city program so that we have something to do every week on one of our days together.  I know a bunch of people on mat leave so with hanging out with them and errands, I'm hoping it'll be okay to be home with three kids.  We shall see.

Best big brother!

Our non-identical identical twins are starting to get more identical!

Our Cleveland friends came and stayed with us this weekend for 24 magical hours.  This is their first meeting with the wonder twins.

Making it rain with lucky money!

Recreating the womb

I'm not finding much time for reading, or emailing, or other leisure activities, but at least regular weeknight dinner-making is more of a thing:

Kalbi with rice mixed with sautéed vegetables and gochujang, julienned cucumber, and a fried egg

Cod fish tacos with cabbage slaw, and chili mayonnaise

Mussels with chorizo and white wine, bread, and the ever-present Ontario asparagus

Fin.

Tales from the NICU

[edit - draft post I didn't get around to finishing before the twerps were discharged]

Finally, a few moments to update my dusty, cobwebby corner of the interw3bs!  This whole NICU life is exhausting.  I would say it's probably more exhausting than having both babies and the Big Yam home.  Right now, I'm there 3 times a day and each time involves at least a minimum of 1.5-2 hours physically there and at least half an hour of transportation time and then the pre/post visit preparation - sterilizing bottles, packing the bag, labelling the breastmilk, trying to catch up on life, and spend quality time with the Big Yam.  It doesn't sound like much but it's more than an 8 hour day at the end of it, I'll tell you that much.

The wonder preemies loved the hypoallergenic formula and we started them on my dairy-free milk yesterday and so far they're responding well.  Minor spit ups that are within the range of normal.  I feel like last time they were on my milk for a few days before they started barfing up a storm, so I'm still being cautious with my optimism.  Yesterday was stressful - they started getting my milk at the 9am feed/visit and then I went and hung out with the Roomie until I went back for the 3pm feed/visit.  I wanted desperately to know if they spat up but I was also anxious about knowing the answer so even though I could have called the NICU to find out, I resisted because I wanted to delay getting the bad news.  It was like waiting for a response from an interview - I'm pretty sure I gave myself an ulcer.  As of today, it's so far so good.

As of Monday, they were also cut off from their medicated caffeine dose, which was helping them to avoid those apnea spells.  One of the conditions for discharge is 7 days caffeine and spell-free.  So the earliest they could come home would be on Canada Day.  But ANOTHER condition of discharge is that they have to be feeding tube free for 48 hours and in that time, gaining weight, or if they're breastfeeding, at least not losing weight (breastfeeding is a tonne of work for babies).  I breastfed them at each visit yesterday.  L, the goofy professor turtle is a champ - he took 10cc's each time and this morning did 15cc's.  Q, the placid mouse seems content to never, ever, ever take food orally.  He's lazy!  The nurses say that preemies don't get nipple confusion, and I'm so desperate to get them home I'd much rather have a bottle-feeding Q and work on the breastfeeding on my own time and in my own house.  Please send good feeding vibes to the babies so we can have them back!

There was a milestone graduation on the weekend - they got moved out of their incubators and into regular cots - which meant that now they could wear oversized hospital clothes:

LOL at my non-identical identical twins.

Also, I saw the paediatrician yesterday and the results of their follow-up brain ultrasounds were good.  Goofball Professor Turtle had some cysts in his brain that showed up on an ultrasound they did to check them out when they were having their apnea.  They see cysts in premature babies and usually they shrink on their own.  In the turtle's case, that happened.  One had disappeared and the other one was smaller.  The placid mouse also had cysts but they were so small they weren't of any concern to the radiologist or our paediatrician.  The turtle also had what might have been a small brain bleed (the radiologist wasn't sure) but that was also gone this ultrasound.  Hurray!  

The placid mouse has a bit of a droopy lip when he cries but his neurological scan was fine, so we just call him Jean Chretien and leave it at that.  So many things in such wee bodies!

Friday was a bit of a gonger.  We decided to take advantage of the fact that the Dotytron was off work to take the Big Yam to the zoo.  He was pumped, to put it lightly.  The whole time from the back seat of Eddie Van Halen he was bouncing in his chair and going, "The zoo! We're going to see lions! And chameleons! And seahorses!" and he basically rhymed off every animal in his 100 Animals book.  It was pretty cute.  He was so excited.  I feel like the Metro Toronto Zoo should give out t-shirts that say, "I Survived the Zoo Death March" because that's what it is.  Our zoo is freakin' huge!  And most of it is Africa!  It's vast expanses of sizzling concrete.  The Dotytron was living in 1982 and didn't know that the monorail was decommissioned like, a billion years ago.  It was broiling, but worth the $60 parking and admission (for two hours!), because the Big Yam had such a good time:

I packed us a signature Lagerfeld picnic lunch - Ontario strawberries, egg salad sandwiches, water.  Sign that I'm not on my A-game: I forgot the truly signature move - the Lagerfeld frozen towel in a ziploc bag.  

The NICU is a hilarious place - full of characters.  We have our one nurse, Pam, who is a fiesty black lady from the Barbados, who gets all juiced up from Chinese medicine before her shifts.  We have another nurse who is obsessed with space and doesn't believe the moon landing happened (she's been to NASA twice and thinks it's a fake).  LOL!  I asked her, "So you think it's a fake?" and she gave me this knowing look and said, "Why. Haven't. They. Been. Back."  Hahaha!  The 9pm shift is my favorite - the whole energy of the place winds down and it's just you and the babies and the nurses and everyone kind of relaxes and starts to cut loose.  There's another nurse who is obsessed with baseball, cats, and hedgehogs and is basically running a hedgehog sanctuary out of her home - she left the other week for some hedgehog convention in Baltimore.

I know we have it lucky - there are NICU babies who have it worse than we do.  As emotional as this process is, I am grateful for socialized medicine and the work of the nurses and staff who are looking after our babies.  The system is hurting though.  The nurses are generally assigned 4 babies per nurse and sometimes 5.  Since all the babies get fed on the same 3 hour schedule, I don't know how the heck they do it.  It used to be a 3:1 ratio.  Also, on nights when babies like ours are having alternating spells, the nurses are run ragged.  Pam definitely needed her Chinese medicine that night, resuscitating the twerps one after the other.  Also, when the NICU census is low, to save money, they start cutting shifts, which doesn't make sense in a hospital context.  You never know who is going to be walking through the doors of labour and delivery and what their baby is going to need.  It's terrible and I feel like we only care about the health care system when we need it and it's not something that we can afford to ignore.

Fin.

Unbelievable

We've been home with the boys since Saturday!  Overwhelming to say the least.  Everything escalated so quickly, near the end of their stay.  Last Tuesday was the end of my five-day dairy-elimination diet, so I started them on my breastmilk for real.  Prior to that, I had been pumping before a feed to empty my breasts and then trying them on the boob so they could practice latching.  They tolerated my breastmilk well so that meant even more time at the hospital - breastfeeding, then topping up with a bottle, and then pumping.  Last week was all me all the time, as the Dotytron went back to work for the last week of school.  It was a little stressful and trying - all the back and forth to the hospital and the length of my stays there meant that each visit took a minimum of 2 hours.  The progress from there was exponential - I showed up on Thursday and they had had their feeding tubes removed, because they'd done a full night of bottles:

And then all of a sudden our paediatrican was talking discharge.  The NICU needed the beds, I think and our guys were getting old and were ready to "graduate" as it were - they had hit 35 weeks, had gone 5 days off their medicated caffeine dose without having an apnea spell, and by the proposed discharge date of Saturday, June 29th, they would have been without the feeding tube for the requisite 48 hours.  The paediatrican was confident that they were ready (and, as I mentioned, they needed the beds).  I was told all of this on Friday and so Friday was a day spent running around like a headless chicken crossed with a headless horseman.  I had to get the car seats so they could get their car seat tests (premature babies are hooked up to a blood oxygen monitor and then put in their car seat for 90 minutes to make sure they don't desaturate).  Then I found out that our old car seat that Theo used was too big for the babies.  The straps at their lowest level was still about 3 inches above where the bigger wonder twin (Professor Turtle's) shoulders started, so I had to go out and by another new car seat on the fly.  Then it was mad housecleaning and making arrangements for the Big Yam Saturday morning.

Saturday morning we signed all the paperwork, endured the most fraught 10 minute car ride of our lives and then this happened:

Home, home, home!

It hasn't been without its stresses.  The Big Yam has a cold and had a fever Monday night.  He's been so sweet with the babies and all he wants to do is touch them and hold them and be nice to them, and we've had to be jerks and tell him not to touch themvand give him grief about washing his hands and coughing into his sleeve and he doesn't understand.  We had my mum take him yesterday, today, and into tomorrow and we're both consumed with guilt about it - we feel badly for him.  He's basically had his life turned upside down for the past three weeks and now we're sending him away right when he feels the crummiest and wants us to comfort and cuddle him.  It's making us feel like the worst parents ever.  Three under three ain't no joke, sons.  

Look at that picture of him being the cutest with his babies brother (and also coating them in germs)!  So G-D cute.  When the babies cry in their pack and play in the living room, he goes over and pats their heads and says, "It's okay, it's okay" and it's the sweetest effing thing you've ever seen in your life.  Makes me want to cry just thinking about it.  

We have to be ultra-vigilant with the wonder preemies.  They put the fear into us before we got discharged, on account of RSV - respiratory syncytial virus.  It's one of the things that make up the common cold, and almost everyone will have it by the time they're two, but it's the leading cause of hospitalization in premature babies and if they get it, their underdeveloped lungs means they are more prone to bronchial issues, pneumonia, and even death.  WORST.  So we're being super-strict about people washing their hands before touching the babies and limiting visitors, etc.  Guess how long we have to be wary for?  THIS ENTIRE COLD/FLU SEASON.  Hahaha, of COURSE it's for months and months.  Ahh, the wonder twins, making things easy since 2013.  They can get this booster in September that helps their immune system but it wears off.  They'll also be seen by this neonatal follow clinic to check for any developmental issues until they're 2.

So glad they're home, but these feeds are epic.  First I try them on the breast, then we top them up with the bottle, and then I pump.  Each feed is taking about 1.5 hours and that's with the Dotytron helping me, and we do this eight times a day.  The weekend was tough - when the Big Yam is at daycare,I find  it's really manageable - the wonder twins sleep so much that other than feeding, it's pretty hands off, unless I feel like wanting the best feeling in the world ever and decide to grab one of them to take a nap on me.  I'm fine to get by on 5 hours of sleep with a 1 hour nap during the day.    The Dotyron is a little more sensitive to sleep interruptions but he's been stellar.  Equal partnerships for the win!  

Our support network has been great.  Dr. Rei and Hanbo came over on Friday night and watched the Big Yam, which involved an epic dance party session to the Thomas theme song for a million hours.  SMcKay and Lolly came on Saturday to lend a helping hand.  Momma D and Ehmdo came by.  My mum has been fantastic - dropping off food, taking the Big Yam, and giving bottles to the babies and generally being ultra-cute with them.  I don't know how we could do it without them, and that's with the Dotytron being off for the summer.  

We are so, so, so happy to be home.  22 days in the NICU went by slow and fast at the same time.  The care we got for the boys from that place was outstanding and next level and I am sad to leave our NICU family of nurses and care providers.  The wonder twins are so happy to be together.  When we put them in the pack and play together they roll towards each other and hold hands - up until being born they'd been together for almost 8 months and I think they're glad to be close together again.  

Now we're settling into a rhythm, eating home cooked food again, and resting and revelling in our family of five.  We still get caught off guard...it's hard to believe we're the parents of three boys.  Sometimes I still can't believe that I have twin boys...our non-identical identical twin boys.  So much love!

Fin.