Wednesday, September 22, 2010

books a' plenty

this is going to be one helluva book round up. in the last two months i've read no less than 11 books and i've been slacking on the reviewing department - so if your book club is looking for suggestions or you want some ideas about what to read next - here you go.

patrick ness is an american author, who wrote "the crash of hennington" (which i haven't read) and "topics about which i know nothing" (which i have read). "topics" was really, really funny. a collection of witty, erudite, and perceptive short stories with a quirky, droll sense of humour - this makes "the knife of never letting go" all the more surprising - it was a radical departure in genre, tone, and execution than my previous experience with ness' work.

i found the suggestion for this book via the blog of a YA author i like. it's a YA title about a distant world where people can constantly hear the thoughts of all living things - this stream of sensory input is called "noise." young todd is on the cusp of his 13th birthday, whereupon he will become a man, according to the rules of the town he lives in, prentisstown. there are no women in prentisstown and there haven't been any since the plague that brought the noise to humans - caused by the native race of the planet the humans settled, who are known as spackle. one day, todd stumbles across a lost girl who not only does NOT transmit noise, but can hear todd's thoughts. todd and the girl subsequently find out that prentisstown has a horrible, dark secret at its' core and that they're in great danger and go on the run.

i read a little further about the book and discovered that the idea of noise was inspired by the information-heavy world we live in. the book is tight, compelling and creates an unbearable tension - to the point where i'd be reading and have to put the book down and the dotytron would give me heck for raising my blood pressure and "freaking out the baby." it's a gripping, gripping read. i couldn't put it down and immediately put a hold on the next title in the series.

"the ask in the answer" is the second title in what's become known as the "chaos walking" trilogy - the third book, "monsters of men" has just been realized in the uk and the states and should be making its way into my hot little hands soon. this book picks up immediately where "knife" left off - todd and the girl have been separated and are each being used as tools to court a war. i can't tell you too much, but i can say that you should pick it up right away and read the whole series.


i followed this up with a few more YA books (i went on a bit of a tear there, following suggestions from YA bloggers). "first light" is by rebecca stead - i've reviewed her second title, "when you reach me" already. "first light" is very similar in tone - that kind of mostly realist but slightly fantastical madeleine l'engle type of feel. it's about a boy who goes to greenland with his family (his father researches glaciers and global warming) and suddenly develops awful headaches and sees visions. concurrently, a girl named thea lives deep within the ice beneath greenland and has never seen the sun - her people were chased down below generations ago by intolerance and ignorance. this is a well crafted story, but it lacked the sadness and mystery of "when you reach me" - i'm still interested in stead as a writer to see where she's going to go next, as she's gotten better with each novel.

"beautiful creatures" is like a southern gothic "twilight" - but much better written and with better developed characters. it's kind of soapy, but overall the mood and world are much more extensively fleshed out and it's creepier. it reverses the twilight model - in this case, you have a human boy who is inexplicably drawn to a witch (or caster, according to the mythology of this series) girl only to find that the town they live in and their story stretches back over generations of thwarted love. if i was going to recommend something to a pre-teen girl, it would be this series - the writing is just that much more accomplished and i loved the southern gothic setting - all crumbling antebellum mansions and trees dripping with spanish moss. this was decent, but not the best.

"will grayson, will grayson" is a curious little novel. it's co-written by john green (one of my favorites!) and david levithan. the story is told in alternating chapters, with each author telling the story of a teenaged boy named will grayson whose stories start separately and then eventually coalesce around one fantastically huge, queer queen nicknamed tiny. it's a hard book to sum up in words, but there's a lot to commend it. namely, the matter of fact depiction of high school life and the fact that tiny is neither marginalized or fetishized but just allowed to be a really rich, nuanced character with the same high school issues as either of the will graysons. i definitely favored the john green chapters over the david levithan ones, but both managed to be pretty funny and speak with an honesty to the contemporary urban high school experience.

tired of the YA? i also read grown-up books, too. technically, we didn't read alan bradley's "the sweetness at the bottom of the pie" - we listened to it on cd during our countless drives to geneseo, to R&R acres, to cottages and back this summer. i can tell you that the audiobook version is simply brilliant, because the reader is absolutely fantastic. it's a mystery novel, but if i tell you that and then you don't read it because you have an aversion to "genre" fiction then you're cheating yourself out of one of the most pleasurable reading experiences and one of the most endearingly precocious young heroine sleuths ever to grace the printed page. flavia de luce is almost 11 and lives with her eccentric family (a philatelist father and 2 sisters - one vain and peckish, the other mooning and bluestocking-y) in a crumbling mansion named buckshaw in england in the post-war period (1950). flavia is obsessed with chemistry, is far brilliant beyond her years and possesses a keen perspicacity an edward gorey obsession with the macabre and a matter-of-fact precociousness that had me and the dotytron laughing out loud.

it's all veddy veddy british - the language is exquisite in this novel - turns of phrases and sentences and descriptions that are as rich and plummy as a treacly pudd. a long-lost acquaintance of flavia's father turns up dead in their garden and with that, flavia is on the case. you simply have to read it - it's delicious. i'm so glad it's a series - i've ordered the next title, "the weed that strings the hangman's bag" and can't wait for it to arrive.

david nicholls' is another british author, whose "one day" was touted by many, many sources (NPR, new york times, entertainment weekly, etc.) as "the book of the summer" it follows 2 people, emma and dexter, on the same day every year for twenty years as they fall in and out of friendship, love, middle age, careers and the rest. my sister read it too. to be honest, we didn't know what all the fuss was about. it's a light enough summer read but i didn't really like either of the characters and the ending is a bit of a cop-out. the concept is interesting but that's about all there is to it, in the end. they're making a movie out of it, with anne hathaway and jim sturgess. anyway, i'd be interested to know what other people think - i thought the acclaim was rather overblown for this book.

"commencement" was for the august meeting of my academic book club. courtney sullivan went to an all-girls college (smith) and now writes for elle or something like that. the book was touted as being similar to curtis sittenfeld's "prep" (which i reviewed here) a kind of boarding school bildungsroman type thing. i'm here to tell you that those people who said such things were DEAD WRONG. it tells the story of four women who become friends attending an all girl's college. the chapters are told from each of the women's perspectives as they meet during frosh and then grow up and out of their university selves and forge careers and go on to the rest of life's milestones. the women are less characters than cariactures - you have bree the southern princess, sally, the practical one, april the radical feminist, and the other one i can't even remember. the writing is TERRIBLE - the story kind of slumps along before ending on this stupid, soap opera, ripped-from-the-headlines implausible event. the characters are by and large unlikeable and lack any dimension and most galling of all, sullivan seems to want to insert this dialogue about contemporary american feminism but doesn't have a clue in hell how to go about it. so you have this weird judy blume-esque (which is an insult to judy blume) story of female friendship grafted onto a high school lilith fair understanding of the strands of contemporary feminist discourses and neither tack is done very well. it's terrible, terrible stuff.

phew, that's enough out of me on a rainy wednesday morning. i have 4 more titles to review and then i'll be mostly caught up.

tonight is night class. my deadbeat da' is taking me out for indian buffet lunch - i'm treating that as my dinner, but i also packed fruit and some leftover minestrone in case all that butter chicken and chat papri isn't enough to tide me over until 10pm - ugh.

fin.

Monday, September 20, 2010

34C

that's my current bra size. A THIRTY FOUR C. so in the space of less than a year, i've gone from wearing nothing but american apparel cotton bras (which are basically one level down from training bras) convinced that i'm barely an a-cup, to the realization, courtesy of team kdubsguelph crew ladies, that i'm actually a 34B and that my boobs didn't have to be wall-eyed all this time and that i didn't have to live in fear of a cold day at the office making me look extremely unprofessional in a thin sweater, to being a 34C. it boggles my mind - they still look so wee. and i'm used to a C cup seeming like ginormous globulus enforcers or something. but i guess i'm not as flat-chested as i thought i was.

this weekend was a non-stop orgy of family and friends fatburger lovin'. friday i went buck and did a billion things and subsequently exhausted myself - but really, would i have had it any other way? no. then the outlaw bro and my sis showed up and we took them for rico's long-delayed birthday dinner of oysters and beers and other irish pub food at the ceili cottage. i think we totally won him over - he was loving the cask-conditioned ale and the bangers'n'mash, mac'n'cheese, and the soup of the day (eggplant and roasted garlic).

saturday morning was the ladies-only family shower - consisting of mostly the dotyron's aunts from momma and poppa d's sides of the family. my mum showed up wearing the most RIDICULOUS beyoncé heels and this flashy purple dress and a giant black patent prada bag and somehow managing to pull it off. instead of looking age-inappropriate, she just looked kind of fabulous. her shoes kind of looked like this:

that's my mum, alright. it was a brunch affair - i made my sis' ham and veggie strata, a caramelised onion-bacon-cheddar quiche, a spinach-mushroom-blue cheese quiche, a mixed green salad, a fruit salad, and my sis made a delicious sour cream coffee cake. we also had plain, chocolate, and almond croissants from bonjour brioche as well as a gorgeous lemon poppyseed cake from this place in leslieville called (stupidly) lpk's culinary groove:






nany gave us a bunch of knitted sweaters with matching caps - in graduated sizes as well as these two knitted dolls. i'm pretty sure the one on the right is supposed to be me. evidence in favour: the swarthy complexion, the slanty eyes, the angry eyebrows/side swept bangs. lol! amazing! everyone was insanely generous and i pretty much never have to buy the fatburger a single piece of clothing for the first year. we're just crossing our fingers that the ultrasound tech didn't make a mistake and that spumante is actually a boy.

for dinner that night my mum used her xmas gift certificate the kids gave her and took me and my sis out to the harbord room. it was okay. they're big on the "local" thing and i'm getting kind of tired of it, to be honest. like, i'm okay with the politics behind it, but i'm not okay with a restaurant not really having an angle - it's like, here's your meat, starch, vegetables, all simply prepared, minimal saucing. boring! i can do that...sheesh.

we started off with their charcuterie board, which featured soppresata and capicollo from pingue. a house made pig's head terrine, a deep fried poached egg (that they were inordinately chuffed about - dude, i've done that), and a chicken liver terrine that was a little lacking in liver-y flavour.

we also had the merguez sausage with polenta. this was another okay dish - nothing that knocked my socks off. the sausage was tasty (but i don't think it's made in-house) and sat on a bed of nice, soft polenta strewn with an eggplant mixture. the thing that ruined this dish for me was the crumbling of feta on top. the feta was far too sharp and gamy for the relatively restrained nature of the dish.

we also shared the braised rabbit pappardelle, which tasted like chinese food, strangely. like some brothy, braised chinese pork dish with egg noodles - i wasn't feeling this dish. the pappardelle was lovely - very chewy and al dente, but the rabbit and shitake mushrooms never coalesced into a worthy sauce companion for the noodles.

for our mains - sorry, from the "large plates" section of the menu, we had the milk fed veal chop (delicious) served with mustard mashed potatoes (a little gummy) and sautéed spinach with raisins (ho hum)

we also split the halibut with chorizo and chickpeas. the halibut had been aggressively over-cooked...it flaked off in big, dry chunks and the dish lacked panache. the chorizo and chickpeas tasted like you would expect them to taste, but overall, it was a fairly uninspired showing.

for dessert, we had the doughnut filled with lime curd and served with tapioca. this was very, very nice. the doughnut could have been a touch more tender (it was hard to cut into it) but the lime curd was rich and light at the same time and i have a colossal soft spot for tapioca pudd in all its forms.

we also shared the chocolate tart with peanut butter mousse which tasted like moon cake - the combo of the peanut butter & chocolate created a pastiness reminiscent of lotus paste - again, the unexpected chinese-ness of it was a little unexpected and disconcerting.

overall, i'm not sure that we'd go back. the menu and execution lacked cohesion - there was no clear vision from the chef and the actual dishes were inconsistent - nothing ever transcended the sum of its parts. for 3 medium sized plates, the 2 large ones and the 2 desserts (plenty of food for 3 people - 2 of whom are preggos), and no booze the total came out to $140 or so.

i then spent the rest of the evening churning out vellum mobiles for the friend's shower on sunday. because i'm CRAZY. i stole the idea for the vellum mobiles from jordan ferney's blog, oh happy day. there were a not insignificant amount of work, but in the end, they went a long way to gussying up the bain co-op community centre:

we had red pepper hummous dip (costco), green pea & pecorino dip (homemade), roasted garlic eggplant dip (homemade), chips (costco), flatbreads & bagel chips (costco), samosas (sultan of samosas), toni's goat cheese baguettes (toni), deviled eggs (homemade), tomato, artichoke, salami & olive skewers w/ balsamic vinaigrette (homemade), mini devil's food cupcakes with brown sugar buttercream (homemade), red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting (homemade), blueberry crumb bars (homemade), banana-walnut bars (homemade), vegan cupcakes (made by H and that guy), and dominion slab cake (dominion). it was quite the spread and we all collectively made a significant dent in the food.

our friends were overwhelmingly generous and kind-hearted and it made us feel so good about the extended network of aunties and uncles that are going to be loving up on the fatburger. it was really a lovely time overall - it's always hard mixing your various groupings of friends and making sure you get time to talk to everyone in equal measure - but i think (hope) that people had fun.

yesterday was a crazy day. at work, then my conference presentation (FINALLY OVER WITH) and then homebirth information night. homebirth info night resulted in me being the jerk in the class who's obviously texting. i r bored cat. i left the house at 7:30am yesterday and then didn't come home until 10pm. we stayed out after to get some dinner in me at a congee restaurant. i haven't really given any thought to who i want at the birth. i guess i always kind of figured that it'd just be me and the dotytron and my midwives. if my sister could travel, i know i'd want her there as well...i'm not sure who else i would want to burden with seeing me naked and rubbing my feet and massaging my back and listening to me curse and grunt and moan and poo myself. that's a tall order and a lot to ask of anyone.

at homebirth info night they bring in two women to talk about their stories - one who planned a homebirth and then had to be transferred to hospital and another one who's homebirth went well. one of the speakers brought her kid with her - the kid is crawling, so like, 6 months or so. is it weird that i'm going to have a child but am simultaneously disgusted/repulsed by most other children not related to me by blood or friendship? this kid was a snotty mess and everyone was cooing and picking him up and doting on him and i was inwardly praying (while feigning an interest in my cell phone so that i wouldn't make eye contact with him) that he wouldn't come up to me so i wouldn't have to publicly look like an a**hole for wincing when he got slobber on me. i'm not good with sticky or gritty. i'm a little worried about it, to be honest.


tonight for dinner we had CSA minestrone - chock full of kale, zucchini, carrots, pancetta, onions, garlic, tomatoes and various shelling beans. alongside we had paninis of crispy pancetta, figs, and fresh mozzarella.

i also went a little buck and prepped cabbage rolls with tomato sauce. the cabbage rolls are stuffed with beef and brown rice...i haven't tasted one yet but i'm cautiously optimistic. i'm on a huge stocking-up-the-freezer kick. right now, the best gift anyone could give me would be use of their freezer for all the meals/soups/etc. that i'm trying to stock up on for when i won't have time to think straight - let alone contemplate making dinner.

fin.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

guys, i sound like an ungrateful jerk

griping about my stupid registry.

i'm sorry.

i came into work today super-pumped to be wearing my lady-boots from last year only to find that they're so tight they not only gave me a blister but ALSO aggressively drilled a hole through my favorite pair of grey cotton tights in the process. and the blister hurts so much that i can't wear any of my work flats in the boots' stead.

so now i have to get the dotytron to meet me at work with the box of work shoes that i had put in the car and which he, in his infinite oblivious wisdom, has neglected to take out of the car (despite my repeated exhortations to do so) for the past week, so that i can retrieve my birkenstock clogs out of there and limp my way to book club.

the hurty-ness of the blister coupled with my latent fear that these lady-boots that i only bought LAST WINTER might never fit again because my feet might be fulfilling their pregnancy imperative and turning into canoe paddles has made me a right grump.

gifts are gifts and i'm a lucky button to have so many people in my life who want to show their love to the fatburger. and that means that i'm ever so grateful for the generosity of spirit exhibited by those near and dear to my heart.

fin.


oh, it's ON

things are ramping up at an exponential rate around here. bucktown! i heaved my way to class last night, my weekly wednesday night date from now until i pop. the walk wasn't that bad, only about 20 minutes, made more difficult by the fact that the fatburger is doing some kind of crazy calisthenics in there. i never find it that weird when i'm lying down or sitting still, but when you're moving and you're having an alien punching and flipping around inside your gut, it's an unsettling feeling. plus, as spumante bambino gets bigger, the motions are more and more aggressive and forceful.

the class is more intense than i thought it was going to be. assignments consist of: 1 article review, a peer review of a classmate's article review, participation (including the - ugh - *mandatory* attendance), a midterm, a research paper proposal, and then the final research paper. the prof seems stupidly intense given the length of the assignments. for example, the research paper is only supposed to be 20 pages long (double spaced), but he wants there to be a table of contents?!? how many points can you make in 20 pages?!? and he wants us to outline our methodology in the research paper proposal, but we're not taking a research methods class until NEXT term. i hate getting graded on research paper proposals. i know, i know...it's par for the course, but i write my papers the night before (maybe 3 nights, if i'm particularly inspired/on top of my game), so i hate having to reverse engineer the steaming pile of b.s. that inevitably constitutes my proposal.

the most annoying thing is that the prof stipulates that no more than 75% of our sources for the paper can come from online sources. so i asked, "do you mean online as in, government white papers and annual reports, or do you mean online as in, accessible through online journal databases?" and he's like, "we want you using the york libraries and using BOOKS." at which point i'm pretty sure the sound of my jaw dropping open was audible over the blasting a/c in the cavernous room. in case my shock and disbelief wasn't apparent enough, i felt compelled to follow up with, "are you serious?"

here's the thing: you don't make a program geared towards people who have full time jobs and then MAKE THEM GO TO YORK CAMPUS to get their stupid books. not only that, i have to go make a special trip to york campus just to GET MY STUPID LIBRARY CARD. and OF COURSE the "yu card" office isn't open on saturdays, the day i'm already there. OF COURSE THEY'RE NOT.

on tuesday night we had the roomie over for dinner. we haven't seen her in over a month! it was a lovely catch-up, even if she is terrified that she'll be on call the weekend that i go into labour and then will have to somehow be present at the birth in some kind of medical capacity. i haven't thought about ANY of that stuff, to be honest. what i want, what my expectations are, who i want to be there, how committed i am to a home or hospital birth or what levels of interventions i'm expecting. really, i don't care about that stuff. at the end of the day, i want to come out healthy and have a healthy bambino. the rest is just whatever to me. i feel like if you put too much into your "birth plan" then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment and self-recriminations over a situation that you have very little control over. what will be, will be. i want a home birth but if the pain gets too unmanageable, of course i'll opt for an epidural. it's not an ideology for me, it's a preference. we have access to pain medication for a reason - i would never consider having a leg amputated *knock on wood* without being knocked out, just to be a tough guy. at the end of the day, i just want to be okay and i want the little one to be okay and i'll be totally happy with that.

i'm not sure how we're going to manage visitors after. everything i've read has said that as a new, exhausted parent, you really have to harness visitors to get them to get shiz done for you. momma d has offered to take time off to help, but i feel like i can't be like, "momma d, please do the dishes and do the grocery shopping for me, thanks" but that's kind of the stuff that you want and need the extra hands for. i'm going to try really really really hard to wrangle my martyr, "i can do it all!" impulses and ask for that kind of nitty gritty help for those first few weeks - get people to bring meals and clean up the house and do that kind of stuff. try not to go crazy cleaning the house FOR visitors, etc.

anyway, for dinner with the roomie i made a coconut yellow split pea dhal with chopped spinach, fried paneer, brown rice, and she brought purchased saag and naan:


from the looks of the sorry state of our registry, it looks like dr. rei is going to be spending most of the time at the shower packing up food and snatching it out of people's mouths. lol! i really don't care if friends go off-list, cuz our friends know us, but i just don't get w.p.'s - THEY CAME UP WITH THE REGISTRY. it wasn't ***my*** people who did it. and then they up and decide that registries are too "impersonal" so then instead of doing the practical chinese thing (cash), or the practical w.p. thing they devised (buying stuff you registered for), they go off-list and then leave you with a bunch of crap. it's a very, very strange phenomena to me.

so last night i ended up eating leftovers at work and tonight i'm doing the same. my academic book club is meeting at frank at the AGO - it's pretty fitting. we read "loving frank" which is a fictionalized historical account of frank lloyd wright's relationship with a married woman. and even though the frank of AGO fame is gehry, not wright, and there's no relationship between them, it's still apt that the resto is named after an architect. it's our first out-of-someone's home meeting - i'm just going to get dessert or something off their small plates menu, seeing as how i'll be eating indian food at work, killing time trying to catch up on readings and working on my assignment before heading over there.

i took the day off tomorrow to do shower prep and get things in order - i've got to make 2 batches of mini cupcakes, a strata, a fruit salad, balsamic vinaigrette, 2 dips, deviled eggs, salami/bocconcini/tomato skewers, and do some final running around picking up last minute supplies and make these vellum mobiles. some of the work will be spread out on saturday after the ladies-only family shower brunch my sis and momma d are hosting in the morning.

phew! so much work to do!

fin.

Monday, September 13, 2010

catching up

so i've been m.i.a. for the last little bit. here's a capsule review of what i've been up to.

- york orientation was THE BIGGEST BUST OF ALL TIME. seriously. i had to sit through introductions of the professors and then the graduate research coordinator for my program gave a 30 minute speech about how "research is valuable" (who is saying it ISN'T?) and how you can find all sorts of wonderful ideas for research projects from reading the newspaper. i walked out after 20 minutes and was so pissed at them for wasting my time that i made the dotytron pick me up at the subway station and ferry me to dairy queen where i took out my frustrations on a oreo brownie explosion, a hot dog, and an order of onion rings.

- friday i had planned on cooking a duck to make space in our freezer and then managed to turn the whole enterprise into a rosh hashanah dinner party with our buds B, G, S, & P where we had noodle kugel (basically, an egg noodle casserole with cottage cheese, sour cream, poppy seeds, etc.), ginger-maple carrots, cucumber-dill vinegar salad:


the duck was really tasty.

i topped it all off with a pillowy, tall, fluffy, apple cake that i served with bourbon toffee sauce and whipped cream. delicious.

- saturday morning we had our first private prenatal class. we basically whittled down the entire curriculum to: labour (what IS it?), relaxation techniques, and breast feeding, meaning we got the whole thing done over 4.5 hours on saturday and sunday morning. guys, labour is kind of crazy. also, there are NO VIDEOS of labour (maybe the one i posted from the "pacing the panic room blog") that don't feature people who are giant dorklingers/possible LARPers. it's like they're diametrically opposed or something. i don't know if my immediate, gross-out visceral reaction is because of the fact that you're pushing a baby out of something the size of a quarter, or if the videos all feature people i don't want to be associated with or have anything in common with AT ALL, even the universal experience of bringing life into the world.

- we followed this up with the interment of poppa's ashes at a cemetery in oakville, where there are other dotys buried, like pharris doty (awesome name, pharris, good job). i know, prenatal class followed by ashes burial is all very:


like, the first minute of it, anyhow. i don't know WHY i wasn't expecting it to be an emotional experience...i guess i kind of thought that i'd had my crying over and done with? but then poppa d had to go and get an IRISH PIPER to play and it was the most winsome, mournful soundtrack ever (think: deck of the titanic), and i was totally blindsided by the fact that there were OLD PEOPLE from the royal canadian legion there who were SO OLD that i basically started bawling as soon as i saw them come marching up in their uniforms. they were adorable. like, hard-of-hearing, frail, adorable.

i've been looking for an outlet for some kind of volunteer work and more and more i'm coming to the realization that i should really work with old people - i'm not really sure in what capacity, or how, but i think that's where my heart lies. watch this space here for updates.

- we were SUPPOSED to spend saturday night at our friend L's housewarming/birthday party but we had a late lunch with the dotytron's family after the interment (not to be confused, by the way, with INTERNMENT, which is what we do to japanese people in the united states and canada during WWII), and it had been an emotionally draining morning so i sent along some fig frangipane bars with our friends B & G and we tendered our regrets, instead opting to try to put up the shelving in the fatburger's room and pass out at 9pm after watching 1/8th of a streaming version of "the expendables" on our tv via my laptop. streaming tv/movies technology really hasn't progressed to the point where it can satisfy my desire of size and clarity. i mean, when you blow it up so that you're watching it on your tv (and keep in mind, our tv is modest by most people's standards), you're basically looking at things the way like, robocop sees them (best case scenario, maybe the way cyberdyne systems model 101 - that's, the terminator to you - sees things).

- sunday we ate challah french toast and bacon and nectarines, bananas, and wild blueberries for breakfast:


- we followed that up with our second prenatal class whereupon i received failing marks for stating that i deal with stress/tension by yelling expletives at my partner. overall, it was pretty informative, but i am glad we skipped all the n00b icebreaker stuff from the group classes. some of the relaxation/massage techniques will probably come in handy and our instructor brought over an epidural kit so i could see the size of the needle as well as a vacuum and this portable pelvis thing with a life-size baby so you could see all the crazy behind-the-scenes stuff that goes into getting the little succubus out of you.

- then it was more errands and futzing and napping (i've been so so so tired lately) and prepping for the shower and then for dinner i raided our CSA produce and fridge leftovers and made us pan-seared steaks with chimichurri, boiled purple potatoes tossed with butter and salt, corn pudding, and sautéed mushrooms:


- speaking of shower prep, i kind of missed this whole process because we didn't register when we got hitched...but why do people go off-list and then ask me what i need for the fatburger? i don't get it. like, either you don't register at all and accept what people get you, which is totally fine, but do people think that you set up a registry as a joke? like, that there's big, fat, quotation marks around the items there? "playmat" "bassinet sheets" "bathtub"??? i dunno. when people get married and shiz i either go cash money or i get something off the registry. i don't presume to know better. and i get it, i really do. buying baby clothes and stuff is super fun and super cute and i know you probably know baby x, y, z that loved items a, b, c, but at the same time, we REALLY NEED those crib sheets and the washcloths and stuff. and it's not like we did the cray-cray thing i've seen on some wedding registries where people register for like, a $200 salt shaker. i felt i was really reasonable. like you can get us the binkies AND the outfit of your choosing and not spend more than $25. and realistically, kids don't NEED that many clothes! that's why we specified on the invites sizes greater than 6 months. like, if the kid has 15 onesies for 0-3 months, that means they're going to wear each thing a maximum of 6 times. it's insane. ultimately, i don't care if we have to buy the stuff ourselves, but i've been asked a few times if we really want the stuff on the registry, and i'm like, YES! don't you know me?!? don't you know the stock i put into list-making and researching? i think having a baby is the one time when you ACTUALLY NEED STUFF...forget getting married...especially with couples living together for years and years. anyway, the point is: i don't know who goes about making sarcastic or joke registries, but i don't get it. or at the very least, don't ask me what i want, because i've already provided you with the list!

- today we went with dr. rei to pick up food and stuff for the shower from costco. dr. rei has hilariously threatened to start packing up food and snatching hors d'oeuvres out of people's hands if she deems the gift table not up to snuff. i love that little llama - she's always looking out for me and her heart is so big. one of her biggest anxieties is having me inviting random people over for dinner and "giving all my love away" on people who don't deserve it (aka, anyone but her). i couldn't ask for a more loyal, trustworthy, and decent friend.

- for dinner i made us paninis of grilled eggplant, heirloom tomato, genoa salami, and scallion mayonnaise on ace focaccia, with leftover corn pudding:


now i'm going to try very very hard to stay up past 9pm whilst simultaneously doing kegels AND practicing my relaxation breathing. i look like i've swallowed a basketball lately. it's crazy.

wish me luck!

fin.


Thursday, September 09, 2010

grad school

every time i remember that i'm starting another grad degree i'm kind of like: "wtf?" like, it somehow manages to catch me off guard more than the fact that if all goes according to plan i'm going to be welcoming the New Kid on the Block in a short little while.

seriously guys, double yew tee eff.

tonight is orientation. which is MANDATORY. as is CLASS ATTENDANCE. we've had no less than THREE emails from his royal highness the program director himself stating in no uncertain terms that attendance is compulsory. i'm like, "excuse me?" this is grad school, not kindergarten. i'm paying YOU. it's up to ME if i want to show or not.

this just leads me to believe that they have an inferiority complex about being fake grad school for working stiffs and have had attendance problems in the past because they're dealing with people WHO ALSO HAVE FULL TIME JOBS and don't have the time or patience to sit through silly lectures on "constitutional law" that are verbatim re-presenations of power point slides being projected directly behind the speaker.

i can't decide how much of a jerk i'm going to be at orientation tonight. i want to raise the issue that it's ridiculous to make class attendance mandatory at a graduate level as we're ALL responsible for our own education and this is a program geared towards working professionals so how can they possibly expect perfect attendance? in consultation with my friend K, i think the tactic i'm going to take is to broach the issue by asking what are the repercussions of you don't attend every class? like, is it i don't get my degree bad? or you just REALLY REALLY REALLY PRETTY PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU want me to be there and are using scare tactics to make that happen?

DID I MENTION THE ORIENTATION IS BEING HELD ON CAMPUS AT YORK? which happens to be IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERESVILLE?!? also, york university is totally sexual assault alley. the dotytron gave me a fox 40 whistle and a matching lanyard so that i can whistle the crap out of anyone who even looks at me funny. it's actually kind of sickening. like, york is super-lefty and cray-cray enough to have a TRANSGENDERED bathroom option but they can't make their campus safe from r-ing?

as you can see, i'm totally going into this with the right attitude. stuff is kind of bats**t insane at work right now - i have a billion projects on the go and barely enough time to get through it all. this rinky dinky degree is literally the last thing on my mind.

this is how i feel about mandatory orientation sessions:


zomg! how cute is that kid?!? "mi nah gi har nuh more milk fi put inna di cornflakes"

fin.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

chronicles of a young urbanite

...with massive impending parenthood anxieties.

tonight after work i fulfilled my young progressive urbanite imperative and picked up my first shipment from my CSA (that's community shared agriculture for all you in the great unenlightened unwashed). inspired by dr. rei's friend K, we signed up for kawartha ecological growers small box. it costs $25/week and runs from june to november. we're hopping on in the latter half of the summer share season.

there are a few things i like about this particular operation:

1) the pick up is a 10 minute walk from lil' ugmo
2) you get $15 in "fixed" items - this means that they tell you how much of whatever you're getting, but you still get to go and pick out the potatoes, onions, spinach etc. that you want. this week's small box consisted of: 6 ears of corn, 1 bunch of spinach, 1 head of boston lettuce, 1 qt. of onions, 1 squash, and your choice of peppers, zucchini, or cucumber.
3) you get $10 in "flexible" money to be spent as you like on whatever extra items you like - the balance or deficit from this money can be carried over from week to week. so for example, this week we spent $8 on potatoes, beets, and green zebra heirloom tomatoes, so we'll have $12 for next week.

it'll be an interesting experiment for me to cede menu planning control to the vagaries of the farmers each week, but any type A anxieties are ameliorated by the fact that they send out an email of what you can expect a few days prior - which still gives me plenty of room to plan. i'll still be shopping at our local veggie store, but this is a nice alternative for basics and it'll stretch my "iron chef" cooking-on-the-spot creativities.

so the progressive young urbanite checklist stands at:
- CSA: check
- designer stroller: check
- mid century modern fixation: check
- loudly extolling virtues of "community": check

i'm basically one mommy group latte and one jogging stroller away from being a rather unpleasant person (well, unpleasant to me, at any rate.)

this is what i made with our spoils:

heirloom tomato-basil tart, sautéed beet greens w/ garlic, corn on the cob


so last night, after watching a long-marinating episode of "treme" (we JUST watched episode 3 last night!), i suddenly had a panic attack. well, let's be real here - i had a minor psychological crisis - there were none of the accompanying physiological symptoms of a true panic attack. for some reason, watching david simon-produced stuff can set me on a downward spiral - it happened all the time with "the wire" - too verité, i guess. too much on how awful people can be. too real, exposing the bone beneath the flayed, imperfect, bruised flesh of people at our most avaricious and ignorant.

anyway, as the episode neared it's conclusion and i contemplated the alien watermelon form of my belly (spumante bambino was doing somersaults), i suddenly turned to the dotytron and said, "dude. there's going to be another person here. soon." and the dotytron, ever unflappable, ever optimistic, said, "i know!" seeing that he had missed the subtext of raw, naked, white-knuckled fear, i had to press on, "WHAT WERE WE THINKING?!?!" "i don't know anything about being a parent!" "this person is going to be with us FOR LIFE!" "what if i'm really bad at this?"

you can probably fill in the rest. it was a serious case of buyer's remorse. it's all too easy to go along, with the little incubating consciousness growing inside you as an abstraction, even as you watch its movements making a quivering 50s jello mould of your abdomen, blissfully ignorant of the fact that this THING is going to come out and be sentient and IMPACT EVERY PART OF YOUR LIFE.

i'm feeling faint just thinking about it. thinking about all the ways i can screw this up. thinking about how much is beyond my control, when heretofore i've practically made an entire ontological philosophy out of the unerring belief - nay, CELLULAR KNOWLEDGE! - that the sheer intractable force of my will is enough to force things to fit my orderly schema.

example of why i think i'm going to be a bad parent: this past weekend, at the new york state fair, i was the recipient of a sound dressing-down by a deep fried funnel cake vendor when she overheard me telling miss ramona, in no uncertain terms, and with a fair degree of volume, "DON'T YOU TOUCH ME WITH YOUR STICKY HANDS" as i simultaneously LEAPT AWAY from her cotton-candy clasp. "oh well now, that is just MEAN" said the fryer, disappearing to produce a wet paper towel with which miss ramona could clean her offending fingers. espying that i was clearly expecting some future-sticky-fingered progeny of my own, fryer lady chastised me further, telling me that one day, my own kid would be grown and would want nothing to do with me, and i would be beset with nostalgia and regret for those times when she/he had reached out to me with high-fructose corn syrup digits.

see? you might as well have CAS on speed dial. i'm BAD at this. i don't LIKE sticky fingers. or sand. or much dirt. at the strong museum of play this last time a little flaxen haired tyke stood before me while i was sitting on a bench holding court with my sister and ostensibly keeping a (very) lazy eye on my niece and nephew, and interrupted me with the accusation, "you couldn't catch me!" to which i gave her a withering look of disdain and replied, "i wasn't PLAYING" and then picked up right where i had left off in the conversation (probably gossiping). i can't feign interest!

i'm so glad i have the dotytron to balance things out. me? i'll make sure that the kid has a wonderfully designed space with tonnes of storage, the best packed lunches, a well-packed diaper bag, and the mouthiest, most loyal coach that has ever been kicked off the field. the dotytron will take care of the soft, nurturing, soul-enhancing stuff. it's a good division of labour, i think. we have the bases covered (i hope. i pray.)

target was having a baby sale the day we left. so i went and bought a breast pump, because it was $150 cheaper than the one i had registered for. we debated whether or not to just buy it right then and there or play russian roulette and see if anyone sprang for it on our registry, finally deciding that saving ourselves and our friends and family $150 was a pretty good thing. as i pulled it off the shelf, having pulled the trigger, the dotytron turned to me and said, "you better pump the s**t outta that thing" - lol! carting the box out of target and looking at all the features and realizing i didn't know sweet f**k-all about pumping much of anything outside of bicycle tires and being all about equity, i told the dotytron that we were going to test it out on him first. he wasn't too keen, mostly because he thinks he's going to have to shave his chest and that the only result will be hilarity for me and a purple nurple for him.

fin.

Monday, September 06, 2010

visa revoked

we're back. with 9 weeks to go until the fatburger's birthday, i don't think we'll be undertaking any additional travelling out of town for the time being, especially because i'm a frugal little parker and the idea of getting jacked by the u.s. of a. should i give birth there doesn't sit right with me.

it was a very fruitful mission though! what fun! i'm so glad my family family and my friends family get along so well. with travelling companions like dr. rei and hanbo, you can't really go wrong.

thursday night the four of us plus rico went to see rush, who were playing the grandstand at the NYSF. this is us en route:

pretty cute pic, huh? that night was pure hilarity. some notable events that transpired:


- my first gianelli sausage on a bun (pictured above)
- the dotytron, upon seeing the gianelli sausage mascot, exclaiming, "that pig looks like lagerfeld!"


- rico, overcome with joy, exclaiming, "you know what i love about this place? there's just, so much, beer!"
- deep fried oreos which went down EASY - seriously guys, those things are murderation:


- when rush was playing new material off their "forthcoming album", rico: "THEY'RE BORING EVERYONE"
- dr. rei, when rush was showing some really sub-par CGI to accompany one of their lesser-known numbers: "where did they get that from, REBOOT?!?"

we hung in there long enough to hear all the tunes we wanted, but not so long that we would end up getting caught in the post-second-encore traffic clusterf**k.

the drive home was EPIC. in so many ways. first of all, on the way out, the dotytron was pretty drunken and i was sober and tired so a little fed up with his his tipsy antics. he scattered off at one point to go into the bovine barn and pet a cow, and i had to go grab him because everyone was waiting for him so that we could find our car and leave. when i hissed at him that he shouldn't be petting a prize cow, he said to me, "this cow. understands me." and kept repeating it pretty much all the way to the car.

lol! then we started the drive home. the NYSF is in syracuse, which is about 1 1/2 hours away from geneseo. dr. rei offered to drive since she wasn't drunk. the dotytron basically passed out about 10 minutes into the drive, waking up only every now and then to open the window on the interstate (which totally stresses me out). so the whole ride home consisted of me, stressing out that the dotytron was going to puke in the car, and then hissing over hanbo (who was a gentleman and offered to ride the hump in the backseat) for ian to close the window. the dotytron also got a bad case of the hiccups and would occasionally be mumbling incoherent nonsense to himself, which only made me and hanbo all the more worried that the drunken mumbling and hiccups were a precursor to imminent ralphing.

then rico fell asleep in the front seat and i told dr. rei to take the next exit, but then we started gossiping, and then dr. rei missed the exit, which resulted in us taking an HOUR LONG detour to get back home. rico woke up almost immediately as dr. rei said, "uh, is that the exit i should be taking?" and then felt really bad for falling asleep. then dr. rei told us that her contacts were actually the wrong prescription and that it's really hard for her to see the signs at night, in other words, that she was basically driving as blind as a naked mole rat. so we took this MASSIVE detour to get home through these back road streets that culminated in everyone apologizing for the extra travel time. everyone, that is, except for the dotytron, who conveniently woke up in time to complain about how long the trip was taking. the rotten thing about missing that one exit, is that the next one is a billion miles away. it's the worst.

so we're driving down this country road, and then rico says, "whoa!" and we put the brakes on to see a FAMILY OF DEER crossing in front of our car, with a little wee baby deer as the caboose. then the outlaw bro (aka rico) rolls down the windown and screams: "CA-CAW!" to make sure that any additional deer keep a wide berth.

at this point it's like, 1 am and we're about 5 minutes away from home. rico directs dr. rei to turn left, the dotytron pipes up: "there's no way to make a left here" and then dr. rei TURNS RIGHT. lol!!! it was hilarious. the look rico gave her when she turned right INSTEAD of turning left, accompanied by the commentary, "i'm pretty sure i couldn't have been clearer to TURN LEFT" had us all howling. so then she did a million point turn and got us home and we're never going to speak of that drive again. so good.



on friday goosetang was left to their own devices during the day, which meant that we met up with dr. rei and hanbo and initiated them into the glories of aunt cookie's subs. this was after going on a field trip to wegman's where we loaded up on lil' debbie snack cakes and deli salads (i've been all about the deli salads lately). the combination of aunt cookie's, a late night, and oatmeal cream pies then resulted in us snoozing on my sis' couches watching the latter half of "mallrats" and most of "teen wolf" before venturing into town to do some shopping at target and the like.

my sis is the cutest. she got dr. rei a wegman's cake to celebrate her becoming a doctor.





saturday was NYSF day. these pictures basically sum it up. we ate a billion deep fried things...i personally tasted: deep fried pickles (thumbs up!); deep fried veggie combo (thumbs up!); deep fried pb&j sammy (thumbs up!); deep fried twinkie (okay); deep fried nutter butter (thumbs up!); deep fried cheese curds (thumbs up!); deep fried reese's peanut butter cup (thumbs up!); deep fried grilled cheese sandwich (not my favorite but other people liked it); a corn dog; skinny fries; a clam boat (deep fried clams in a soft roll w/ tartar sauce); funnel cake.

then we drove home and ate at the CHEESECAKE FACTORY. zomg. it was insane. i had an appetizer order of crab cakes and split the dotytron's salad, but STILL guzzled a vanilla cheese cake slice because i'm mental like that. the cheesecake factory cheesecake is damned near irresistible.

sunday we had breakkie at brian's and then rico got his revenge on dr. rei by sending them off with the wrong directions for a scenic route out of town. lol! they managed to chase them down and right the wrong though.

usually we stay til the bitter end in geneseo because we love it so, but we couldn't because the dotytron wanted monday to prep for school and get our lives back in order. we stopped at ikea on the way home to pick up the shelving for the fatburger's room, that i'm also using to make up for my reduced lack of desk space. it looks good! things are totally coming together. i also bought the ikea komplement drawer organizers and i'm practically swooning with joy. who knew that something so unassuming could make me so happy?

i originally had them in the fatburger's dresser, so that little wee socks wouldn't get muddled up with onesies and sleepers and washcloths and cloth diaper covers...but today has been a swoony day of reorganizing, vacuuming, and cleaning, and i ended up using them to organize my work socks (so mundane, but for me, utterly thrilling). i'm totally going to snag some more. they're kind of miraculous.

it's been nice getting our lives back in order. i love a clean house and fresh sheets on the bed and my fall clothes switched with my summer clothes and all the other stupid things that other people mightily resent having to do on a statutory holiday that i perversely go apes**t for.


it's also been nice getting our diet back in order. this morning i had whole grain toast with boiled eggs and for a snack a multigrain pita with baba ghanouj and a banana strawberry and blueberry smoothie with flax oil. for dinner tonight i made us a caponata pasta with whole wheat penne: fried eggplant, grape tomatoes, olives, garlic, and basil.

the dotytron is all excited about bringing "big salads" to work for lunch so we prepped the stuff for this week's iteration - black beans, corn, tomatoes, green onions, mixed greens, shredded oaxaca cheese, and boiled eggs, dressed in a cumin-chimichurri dressing. i think it's going to be pretty damn tasty - i might start hopping on board that train.

goodbye summer! hello fall!

fin.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

zombie-fied

had this post all ready to go but then forgot to click publish before we left on our trip. here you go...

the heat had me up at 3:30am this morning and i couldn't get back to sleep, which means that not only was i a zombie at work but that i'll be of absolutely no use keeping the dotytron company on the drive to geneseo tonight. so zonked. so excited for my sis and the outlaw bro's air conditioned house. so looking forward to the rainy cool weather we're promised this weekend, even if it will make traipsing through the NYSF in search of fried foods on sticks a little more fraught than necessary.


i'm going to miss the RUSH mega-mix the dotytron has prepared for the ride down. i gotta say: i'm not really a prog fan. but we did do our homework and we watched the documentary "rush: beyond the lighted stage" on monday night as part of our homework for the show on thursday. we got tickets to see this at this year's hot docs and then gave them to dr. rei as a birthday present. the documentary is pretty good! lots of archival footage and interviews with a wide swathe of musicians who have been influenced by rush like a chubby sebastian bach, jack black, some dudes from tool, kirk hamett, slash, and a VERY chubby trent reznor - seriously guys, i haven't kept up on my trent reznor news since, oh i don't know, grade 11, and when he popped up on screen i turned to the dotytron and said, "dude! some guy ATE trent reznor!" rush come off as very normal, down-to-earth dudes who had a huge impact but were never really granted the mainstream popular recognition for it. like i said, i'm not the hugest fan of their music (i am and always will be, an arena rocker, myself), i find peart's lyrics a little too forced and "literary" and geddy's voice is an acquired taste - but the documentary goes a long way to convey the unassuming, respectability of the band.

before we left we watched "more than a game" a documentary about lebron james and 4 teammates (the "akron 5") from their formation as a ragtag grade 8 basketball team through to their final year of high school. a few things: this documentary seriously kicks ass...i mean, i'm a sucker for sports documentaries, especially ones that follow ragtag groups of kids, but this one is good. the stories are all there - the coach, the sacrifice, the egos, the comeback. lebron was like, A MAN in grade 8. it's crazy. but the rest of the 5 are equally sick. watching them in like, grade 7 at the nationals makes you want to puke. you're just like, how do these kids GET so good? we're talking no-look passes, dunks, alley-oops, and all kinds of fancy ball handling. it's just mind blowing (and i'm speaking as someone who doesn't have the most attenuated appreciation for basketball). i highly recommend it. also: it made the dotytron cry. BEST. as the credits started rolling, i was yelling at the screen: "what, you're not going to give me a 'where are they now?!?" and of course they did, giving you the rundown on where the other players were at in their lives (we all know what happened to lebron). most of them are doing really well, but one of the players received this capsule: "he continues to work towards his college degree" and me and the dotytron immediately gave each other sidelong, *awkward* glances. yikes. as the dotytron said, "why doesn't he have it already?" poor guy.

so remember my crazily micro-managed presentation for jerks? my section is on e-readers so i transition into that portion of my presentation with a powerpoint slide with the heading: "the future of reading" and then a picture of (steve) gutenberg's printing press with medieval lettering underneath that spells out: "FAIL?!??!" i ducked out of the teleconference on monday as i was catching up on work stuff after being gone for a week but got an email marked urgent in the inbox asking me to please phone in midway through as they had some questions about my slides. in particular, that one, because they didn't know what i was getting at with the "FAIL?!??!" comment. so then i had to explain the fail phenomena as best i could which is about as awkward as you would expect (ie. as awkward as it being revealed at the end of a documentary that you're still "working towards" your college degree after 5 years). then they asked ME if i was going to do a similar unpacking of the slide during my presentation, and i was trying to make the case that i'm fairly certain that at a tech conference, that people would be up to date on their internet memes, but then i realized that i was talking to a bunch of honky grandmas who be trippin' (tip o' the hat to tracy morgan, à la 30 rock) and i kind of just took the easy way out and said that no, i wouldn't be explaining the slide in detail, that it was just a transition slide meant to inject some levity. OY. i also had to write a bio for inclusion in the program book that ended up being rather cheeky. i kind of don't think that you can write your OWN sincere bio. someone else should do that for you with a list of qualifications. left to my own devices, my default setting is taking-the-piss.

last night for dinner i made us a brown rice andouille sausage and shrimp jambalaya with a side of braised kale with lemon (not pictured):

this was a tasty little number, if i do say so myself. i effin' LOVE andouille sausage AND crunchy shrimp (some would probably say that i overcook the shrimp, but i love the bite of them) and even though i accidentally jacked up the spicing on the jambalaya and made it quite caliente, it was still really tasty. i ate two bowls (but didn't eat dessert!)

tonight for dinner i was inspired by something i saw in a food blog and made a deconstructed spicy salmon sushi bowl. brown rice, mixed with rice vinegar, sugar, and some seasoning is a bed for wild sockeye salmon that i skinned and cut up roughly by hand and then tossed with mayonnaise and sriracha and seasoned it some more. then i piled this in a bowl with some sliced cucumber, some sliced avocado, some sliced green onions, and julienned nori strips and we ate that for a cool, no-cook meal (the rice i cooked the night before).

now we hit the road, jack!

enjoy this last long weekend of the summer, everyone, and join me in a lusty welcome to everyone's (read: my) favorite season: FALL!

fin.