Sunday, May 12, 2013


As I mentioned Tuesday, the Big Yam made himself puke when I made him try to eat a grape tomato.  For the rest of the day, he kept asking me and the Dotytron, "Remember when I garfed?" and we'd be like, "It's not called garfing, it's called BARFing" and then he'd give us this knowing look and grin and say, "I gaaarrrfffeed."  LOL!

Then, when I was driving us home from the documentary on Sunday evening, close to midnight, and I wasn't aggressive enough and got honked at switching lanes, he somehow roused himself from his slumber enough to give me a hard time and chirp me about my driving AFTER the Dotytron had already yelled at me: "Mama, why the other car honk? The other car honk because the car move honk slow. That's why. Mama driving the car honk."

He's totally hilarious right now - super into talking about tooting and bums and who tooted and cracking up when he toots.  I came home yesterday to the sight of the Big Yam playing Simon Says and freeze tag with all the kids from the neighbourhood and it was one of the cutest things ever - he was grinning from ear to ear and even got to be Simon for a bit, even though he had just learned the game.  Adorable!  Love my street so hard.

In twerps-gestating related news, one of my feet has turned into a ham hock from edema (basically, 3rd trimester water retention).  Edema is common in the 3rd trimester but probably isn't being helped along by me eating a million hot dogs in a sitting.  Oops.  The last ultrasound the twerps scored 8/8 on their Biophysical Profile (BPP) which according to my OB is pretty stellar because it's hard to get a perfect score at their gestational age because they only just started breathing.  So I'm joking that they're already Rhodes scholars.  SOMEBODY HAS TO HAVE THE FUNDS TO KEEP ME IN THE STYLE TO WHICH I'VE BECOME ACCUSTOMED WHEN I'M IN MY DOTAGE!

So...we bought a car.  YIKES!  A 2010 Honda Odyssey with the entertainment package.  It was definitely the best ride out of all the minivans we drove.  We ended up abandoning the caravan when we test drove it and realized that it's basically like driving a truck/SUV.  Not a smooth ride at all!  Plus, the midrange models have NO frills.  For the same price, we could get a slightly used midrange Sienna or Odyssey that has MAD frills - power everything, tinted windows, the stupid entertainment package, built in sunscreens, separate climate controls for each "zone" of the minivan.  It was a pretty hilarious experience buying it.  We went down there with a set price in mind and I'm a little mad that we ended up getting bumped up $500 over what I had set as my limit.  I want another kick at the can because I feel like the Dotytron and I are on a roll with our negotiating skills and with one more chance to refine the personas, we could get a slightly better deal.

The salesperson was all like, "We'll take your offer, but are you going to take the extended warranty? I have to have this to show to head office, so it doesn't look like we took such a loss on the vehicle." And I'm like, "Our price and the extended warranty are TWO SEPARATE THINGS. Go get our offer confirmed and then we'll decide if we want the warranty."  Then he was hounding us to commit to whether or not we wanted financing, and I wasn't going to give that away (they love it when you take financing).  Then he came back with our price but was like, "Guys, I need to know, can you do maybe $300 more?  Then we can close it up and all go home - my manager just wants an extra couple of hundred bucks."  The Dotytron stared at him for almost a full minute, and then said, simply: "No."  LOL!!! It was the best!  We're having our mechanic take a look at it today and I think based on what he comes back with, then I might try to knock down the price a few extra hundred and we're going to take the extra extended bumper-to-bumper warranty.  I called our auto electric people, who are SO NICE.  It's a family shop and they're so cute.  They're the ones who handled all the alternator/battery issues the Captain was having.  Anyway, I explained the situation and was asking her advice on whether we should take the warranty and she said it was a good idea, at the price they were offering.  Then she wanted to know why we were getting a minivan and told me to bring the babies by when they're born because she wanted to see them.  HOW CUTE IS THAT!?  This isn't even our mechanic, this is our AUTO ELECTRIC person.  So adorable!  I love them.

Anyway, I'm still willing to walk away if they won't come down a few hundred, but it's hard once you think you're done the process.  Like, do we really want to spend another night in a car dealership doing the fake back and forth where the salesperson takes your offer to the "manager" for approval and they sit there watching Youtube videos for like, 10 minutes?  Is it really worth the extra $500?  We'll see.  It's just nice to be done.  The Dotytron has already gotten to the point where he's like, "The real question is: what should we name it?  Jean Claude Van Damme?  Van Wilding?  Van Helsing?"  It's good to know someone has their priorities straight.

My Academic Book Club met last week and it turned into a gripe session about the gendered way (all the women in book club are in heterosexual relationships) that domestic/household/administrative work gets divided in members' respective households and how to avoid that.  We're going to be reading that Lean In book next so it was topical - a lot of women felt that their husband's careers were moving forward and that in exchange, the male partners got a pass from doing the domestic work/child rearing stuff.  It always amazes me when I go to Book Club and see that some of these dudes have like, no clue on how to get THEIR OWN CHILDREN down to bed.  I'm like, dude, that's YOUR kid!  What the heck?!?  Just hearing about how some of the women felt they were taking on too much slack or getting into unproductive arguments about domestic division that resulted in them quietly going to clean the kitchen anyway made my blood boil.

I get that in every relationship, the stresses of the day and the distribution of labour (seen on a day-to-day basis) are going to result in arguments.  If the argument is unproductive though, that's balls.  Sometimes, I pick a fight with the Dotytron because all I want to hear is some acknowledgement that yes, I do a lot of invisible labour that makes our lives run smoothly - that menu planning is work.  To his credit, the Dotytron gets it.  So yeah, it might not be a 50-50 split, but I don't necessarily think I want it to be?  I'm too much of a control freak for that and a micro-manager.  In our household, I'm happy to do all the scurrying legwork/research part of the not-fun stuff (car insurance, life insurance, car research, mortgage rates) in exchange for the ability to say to the Dotytron, "clean the bathroom," "clean the litterbox."  I think it's unrealistic to expect both parties in a domestic relationship to care to the same extent about the same things (e.g. people have different definitions of what constitutes "clean" or some people just don't notice crap on the kitchen floor, etc.)  So I'm fine being the noticer and taking on the stuff that super-bugs me (the kitchen floor) as long as the work is distributed equally if you take a long-range view of things.  That being said, I had the good fortune to find a partner who shoulders 50% (if not more) of the parenting/domestic duties with grace and good humour and competence.

Anyway, that's just my little diatribe on the nature of productive arguments and gender domestic labour distribution.


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