Tuesday, October 16, 2012

NEVER...

...take a baby/toddler to a wedding.

I know you were thinking that I was going to end that with..."fall in love" *cue Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You* but no.  Never fall in love is TOTALLY a rule for bodyguards, don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to take that proscription lightly.  But for any parents and prospective parents out there, even if your baby/toddler is invited to the wedding, don't take them.  Seriously.  It's the worst.  It just ruins your time.  They're not having fun, because there aren't any other kids there and it's a late night, and you don't have any fun, because you're worried about them or trying to eat roast beef one handed with a giant 30 pound sack of potatoes out cold over your shoulder.  It's a giant fun-suck.

We went to the Dotytron's uncle's wedding last night.  In Ancaster.  ON A SUNDAY NIGHT.  I don't know what I was expecting - I figured a Sunday night wedding would be a quickie civil ceremony followed by a quick dinner - I figured I'd be home by 9:30-10, at the latest.  I didn't factor on a hour plus long cocktail reception and a 45 minute ceremony and the full slate of speeches.  I just didn't.  It's my fault.  We also made the monumentally horrible decision to carpool with Momma D...so we couldn't leave.  NEVER EVER EVER NOT TAKE YOUR OWN CAR, PEOPLE!  Be you not so foolish as I-and-I (we)!  All we wanted was to be able to hop in the car, grab some McDonald's and head home.  But we were trapped!  The poor little Bubba was a good sport, he really was.  He didn't cry or complain, but he got really tired and overwhelmed by a million old white people.  I don't blame him, really.  Also the Ancaster Old Mill, while a gorgeous spot for a wedding, is weirdly committed to stupid details like NOT HAVING PROPER HIGH CHAIRS.  Instead, what they have is these weird wooden things with this cloth crotch-strap that you tie around your kid.  Even CRACKER BARREL, which is FULLY committed to being period-correct, has a decent (wooden) high chair that you can strap your kid into.

Anyway, that's my advice for you.  You want to drink and have a good time and not have your genuine happiness for the couple getting hitched to be marred by your own seething resentment at your own stupidity for not seeing clearly how your evening would go down with a toddler in tow.

The pluses: the Dotytron's new suit looks banging.  We got him a new charcoal suit and tie and it's a much more modern cut than he's used to.  He's spent the ENTIRE time since picking up the suit complaining about how he "hates his new suit" and how the pants are "skin tight" but when he put the suit on, he looked like a stone fox.  You don't put someone who is 6'4" and naturally slender in a boxy suit.


I wore this vintage, dusty rose dress I bought years ago.  It's really quite flattering and I wore my platform Seychelles and looked pretty hotsy if I do say so myself.  That's me and the Big Yam up there - the Big Yam already looked a little peaked.

It didn't help that the wedding followed the Big Yam's birthday lunch - AYCE Indian food.  My family came and Dr. Rei and Hanbo and Momma D and Ehmdo.  It was fun!  Big D came and it was the best.  He totally turns it on when he's out and it's so cute.  I love it when Big D turns it on.  It's the BEST.  You're always like, "uhh, who IS that guy!?!" cracking jokes and yukking it up and pestering my brother on cell phone plan details.  

It didn't help that the night before, I was up til midnight putting together the Big Yam's play kitchen.  Imagine putting together an Ikea fridge, stove, counter, oven, microwave, cabinets, sink and phone...BUT MINI:

There is only one word for it: hell.  It took me just over 2 hours and I almost stripped a few screws AND all the skin off my thumb in the process.

It didn't help that we had spent that afternoon at my friend P's Annual Competition Backyard BBQ, which raises funds for Common Ground Co-Operative.  P is a maniac.  He turns his backyard (which is giant) into a hay-strewn, tent-bedecked mini Toronto Underground Market.  AND he enters like 3 different categories and cooks up a brisket that is tasty enough to make you cry tears of joy.  He is an inspiration to us all.  

TOO MANY THINGS this past weekend!  TOO MANY THINGS.  

In other news, today I found out that the job interview I had been preparing for, for the past two weeks, has been cancelled and they decided to not post the position after all.  This was of course, EXTREMELY DEMORALIZING.  I was primed!  I was ready!  I really really really wanted the opportunity to do this job!      At the very least, I really really really wanted the opportunity to INTERVIEW for this job!  

On Friday night we had burgers & sweet potato fries.  
I love me a good old fashioned homemade burger.

Saturday's post Mandarin school homemade sausage and egg McMuffins.

On Saturday night we had that Thai coconut curry soup with rice noodles.

Last night we had grilled cheese sandwiches with freezer minestrone/wedding soup reheated together.  Then I chased that with a billion pounds of wedding-favour shortbread and the Big Yam's portion of prime rib (which was HUGE) from the wedding.  THIS IS OFF THE RECORD, MY FITNESS PAL!  Snitches get stitches!  I'm clearly stress eating my face off.

Tonight we had "sorry they decided to cancel the interview" takeout fried chicken and butter tarts and a million shortbread cookies.  THIS IS OFF THE RECORD, MY FITNESS PAL!

Fin.





No comments: