New school year, new routines, new season - the changeover all happened this weekend and we are in the thick of it now. The to-do list is long, the early mornings and nights are dark, the urge to hibernate is strong. It's going to be hard manning the fort on my own all day. I've gotten used to having that extra set of hands around to relieve me, but I'm resolving to cherish each and every moment of this last month of maternity leave and to make it count.
In 5 days the Boobla will be 11 months old. ELEVEN. MONTHS. OLD. He's been around for almost a full year! How did that happen? Where did the time go? Last night, ensconced in bed at the obscenely early hour of 9pm, there was much weepiness and tearing up and irrational wailing on my part at the prospect of being separated from the little big yam. The standard-issue, clichéd mom-issues of: "what if he loves J [his caregiver] more than me?" "what if he forgets that I'm his mama?" "why didn't I appreciate this year and savour every minute more?" "why did I take this past year for granted?" and other self-flagellating recriminations of the maternal sort. I know it gets easier. I know that there's a part of me that is actually looking forward to resuming the ranks of the full-incomed and professionally attired. For all my excitement about having uninterrupted time to use parts of my brain that have been gathering dust these past 12 months and for all my tough-guy bluster about how I'm looking forward to being an adult again...I know I'm going to be sad and it's going to be hard for the two of us.
Last night we were all eating dinner and the Dotytron kept scolding the Big Yam about not rubbing his eyes when his hands were dirty with food. The Dotytron got increasingly more stern and forceful moving the Boobla's fist away from his eye. After the last exchange, the little Boobla, started moving his fist towards his eye, and then stopped midway, looking at the Dotytron with a slightly scared, watchful expression on his face, all wide-eyed and mouth agape. The Dotytron turned to me and we both went, "awwwww" - it was painfully cute and heartbreaking at the same time. Just seeing it again in my mind's eye is enough to make my insides shut down. The Dotytron felt THE GUILTIEST! He couldn't even finish his dinner sitting next to the Boobla and made me switch seats with him, because every time the Boobla wanted to rub his eye he would stop himself and give the Dotytron that same look. What a good little kidlet! Seriously, it makes me want to cry. I don't think I've felt that mix of sad/cute so acutely before.
On Sunday we went on an epic mission to pick up batting from Fabricland. Never, ever, EVER take the Dotytron with you when you're engaging in a hobby, because he INSTANTLY decides that he's an authority and will take the first piece of advice offered by a clerk at a quilt store (for example) and then treat it as gospel. He was super-adamant that I get 80% cotton, 20% polyester batting and it was annoying-slash-hilarious. The part of Scarborough we were in we dubbed "Little America" because it's an enclave that's all big box stores with a high concentration of US-based ones: a super-giant Wal-Marts, a Lowe's, a Marshall's, Five Guys etc. We went into Marshall's and the Dotytron disappeared for 5 minutes and then came up to me wearing a ridiculous jacket that I didn't notice he had donned until after 3 minutes of conversing. When I finally did notice it, I was doubled over laughing. He thought I was trying to out-straight-face him but it's really because I take his presence for granted. LOL! The Dotytron is THE WORST-slash-the-best person to go to these kinds of stores with. The worst because he's the most impulse-driven shopper I've ever met. It's probably because he NEVER goes shopping or because he always insists that he ABSOLUTELY HAS TO HAVE the most random shiz. Like those salt lamps or a spinning glass orb that emits smoke, or kettle bells:
He's the best because you lose your mind laughing shopping with him.
Last night for dinner I made us bi bim bap rice with spinach, carrots, zucchini, mushrooms, and bean sprouts (topped with a fried egg, of course) and we grilled up some kalbi (marinated short ribs) that our neighbour's mom gave to us. It was a delicious meal - the kalbi were SO FREAKIN' GOOD! Our neighbour 3 doors down came outside while we were grilling because she could smell the kalbi from her house.
Today we're doing some errands and having pasta with spinach, mushrooms, gorgonzola and fontina for dinner with a salad made of stuff from our CSA.