Friday, December 17, 2010

valley of tears

mine, the dotytron's AND master T's.

so last night, we caught the tail-end of a charlie brown christmas, and we got to this part:

and it TOTALLY MADE ME WELL UP. and i like, am SUPER-DUPER SKEPTICAL OF ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIS LORD, J.C. this is after the dotytron made the comment that "schroeder is the killingest 8 year old jazz pianist of all time" and after we watched the segment with lucy giving schroeder a hard time about not playing jingle bells properly, we came to the conclusion that i am lucy from charlie brown. i basically give everyone a hard time and have no appreciation for sophisticated music.

and then we got to this part:

and i went from welling up to spilling over. this gets me EVERY YEAR. well played, vince guaraldi, well played.

then, i cued up judy garland, in "meet me in st. louis" singing "have yourself a merry little christmas":

and that sweet judy garland vibrato made me and the dotytron start bawling our eyes out. it reminds us of poppa and of the dotytron's grandpa. so i basically brought the whole vibe of the house down. like, bigtime.

THEN master T started on his journey down losing-his-s**t alley...he's started rejecting the bottle. if you google "baby suddenly rejecting the bottle" you end up wanting to tear your hair out, because it looks like there's a million and one solutions and a billion and one testimonials of NOTHING working and the baby just wanting boob. so for the past two nights, he'll take a few gulps of the bottle from the dotytron, and then you can hear it gurgling in his belly, and then he loses his mind and starts freaking out and doesn't want it. but he will take boob. but i didn't want to start down the slippery slope of all boob no bottle, because the bottle is what allows us to go out for extended periods of time and is what what gives me a break.

it's REALLY hard when he's crying himself hoarse though. eventually, after almost two hours, he calmed down enough to take a couple of ounces with me holding him. this involved me and the dotytron practically getting a divorce in the process - it was extremely trying. you get frustrated with the baby and then you either take it out on the baby or each other, and then you feel bad, because it's not the stupid boobla's fault - he's just communicating the only way he knows how, and like i mentioned, when you see him going all mr. tomato head with fury and he's squeezing out tiny drops of tears and his fists are all clenched and he's yelling at you, it simultaneously makes you want to throw him in the trash AND give him the world.

i've had a cold lately, which i might have passed on to him, so he might just be extra needy lately. we're going to try the dotytron giving him a bottle tonight, when he's not so hungry, and leaving the before-bed feeding to me. hopefully it'll go a little smoother. i didn't really believe this before, but my cold, clinical robot-self is learning that breastfeeding is as much about bonding as it is about nourishment.

this is a photo i looked at last night to remind myself why i'm not going to chuck out the boobla:

and here's another blurry photo of him looking cute wearing a onesie that H bought for him:

we had a lovely visit with H's evidence:

last night for dinner, i made us cannelloni. did you know that the powers that be had the good sense to make oven-ready cannelloni? sheer brilliance. on sunday, our friend L sent me home with the leftover spinach-basil-ricotta-mozzarella mixture he used in his lasagne, so i took the ziploc bag it came in and piped it into the noodles, topped the cannelloni with my tomato sauce and laid some strips of proscuitto over top. it was AMAZING. so good. the proscuitto put it over the top, adding the salty savoury hit that the dish needed:

tonight the plan is to defrost some pork carnitas (pork shoulder slow braised in orange and milk, that you shred and then re-crisp in lard) from the freezer and turn that into a carnitas-potato tostada (a tostada, as i understand it, is basically a flat corn tortilla that's fried and then topped with stuff), topped with tomatillo salsa, diced avocado, iceberg lettuce and chopped tomatoes. and eat that in front of the tv, with a relaxed and scotched-up dotytron, who is going to be so pumped to finally be on winter break.

the neighbours this year (the ones we're on speaking/friendly terms with) are getting little packets of which chocolate cranberry orange biscotti. the people we share the wall with, whom we really like, have a mother who comes and does mad stuff for them. she cleans their house, picks up their kid like 3 days a week from daycare so he's not in daycare all day, and does yardwork for them. it's amazing. yesterday morning, the dotytron looked out the window and said, "man, why don't we have a mrs. kim?!" because she was outside shoveling their walkway and sidewalk for them. so lucky. i wish i had free help like that!

i'm going to try to rally the dotytron to do the housecleaning when he gets home tonight, but i think it'll be a tough sell...our house is starting to get a little rugged though, and we have a jam-packed weekend ahead of us.


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