Monday, September 27, 2010

fall blahs

i know. what the crap am i on about? i LOVE fall. but when i woke up this morning it was so grey and dark and misty and cold and the bed was so smushy and soft and warm and accommodating that it was difficult to shake the fog off and gird up the loins for another day in the trenches.

it was a humdinger of a weekend, too. friday was insane. up at the usual time, squeezing in grocery shopping, then a massage, and then home to bake a pineapple upside down cake, and then meeting my friend H at the clothing show, and then home just in time to grab the cake, whip some cream, and head to S & A's house for dinner (the most delicious sag paneer, grilled yoghurt-marinated chicken thighs, and rice ever!), and then from dinner to the lula lounge for an old skool jungle party. so epic! i can't believe i managed it.

being preggos at the club was mostly worth it - the first dj was playing all this steppy kind of source direct photek stuff which was putting the crowd to sleep, to be honest. the next dj stepped it up a bit with some ragga tunes, and then we left before seeing c64 & frankie gunns spin. it was a blast from the past though. mad o-g crew inside the ride, most of whom were gobsmacked at my present state - high school peeps, old promoters, the usual scene - it was fun to be out and about. if i wasn't so knackered we would've stayed past 1 but were were both dead tired and sleep had never seemed so good. don't worry, old skool jungle, i'll be back in your loving embrace in no time, and i'll leave the ball and chain at home! the dotytron was super-paro about me being there, making sure that i tell him if the fatburger started freaking out and not wanting me to put my glass of water down IN CASE I GOT ROOFIED. lol!

friday was made all the worse by the fact that i had to wake up a 8:30am after getting home at around 2am, to truck my butt the 1.5 hours to york campus for school. then i had to leave school 3 hours early to truck back downtown to get to K's wedding, hauling my laptop and all my life's possessions in my jansport lumberjack plaid knapsack and then doing a quick change like superman in the bathroom of the royal conservatory (which, incidentally, is a lovely place for a wedding). the dress i had elected to wear turned out to be slightly scandalously short when stretched over the belly. whoops. preggos skank at the wedding much?

the wedding was absolutely lovely and sweet and beautiful. K looked gorgeous and her mum was a freakin' hoot. the food, catered by daniel et daniel was so freakin' good i tottered out of there stuffed...and the speeches from the bride and groom were so sweet. i really admire people who are able to realize when a moment requires sincerity and can make a speech for their loved one that doesn't involve taking the piss and being an a**hole. i've yet to perfect that art.

sunday we headed up to markham to hang out with my sis and outlaw bro and the kids - it's the last time we'll be seeing them before my sis and i pop. they won't be coming up for thanksgiving because of the nearness of our respective due dates. we went to this place on main street unionville, the old country inn [note: for those who click the link - i have no idea where that statue of beethoven (?) is, but my mission next time is to find it for sure] for german food (i had krainer wurst and the dotytron had schnitzel). then we trucked the kids to glow in the dark mini-putt which is really a euphemism for ill-behaved children and instant migraines in a venue that smells like the ball room at charles e. cheese, aka like dirty kid sock feet.

after that, we went home to my mum & big d's place and k.o'd and said our goodbyes. my sweet sis started crying when we left and then it got ME started crying and then i basically cried all the way home in the car. my sis was sad because she won't be able to be here for me when i pop and i was sad that i wouldn't have my sis with me when i pop. i hadn't really thought about who i would want to have around for labour support until i went to the homebirth info night and heard about people who had their friends and mums around. i had kind of always envisioned it just being me and the dotytron, but then i realized it might be nice to have someone else there to give support or to give the dotytron a break. but when i thought about it, my options are kind of limited. i mean, my mum would be of absolutely no help as labour support - if anything she'd be the opposite of helpful. i think it's a lot to ask of any friend, even your bestie, to be massaging you constantly and to bear your grunting and cussing all naked and oozy and (potentially) pukey and (potentially) poo-y. but if i was to have someone else there, my sister would definitely top the list.

the dotytron and i were there just minutes after she gave birth to my niece and one of the things that got me motivated to get the heck out of the restaurant industry was not being able to be with her when she had to have an emergency c-section with my nephew - having to wait until there was a lull in service until i could sneak off and call her and make sure everything was okay. i didn't want to have that life anymore because i knew i would NEVER have been able to forgive myself if what usually happens with prolapsed cord babies had happened to little ze and my sister and i wasn't there for her, or had to find out well after the fact.

i love my sister because she wants to be there for me. because she is one of the most selfless, loving, kind, smart, and funny people i know. because she's so upset that she won't be able to meet the little fatburger right away that she'll start to cry and then make me cry. because i know i could ask her anything and she would do it and more importantly, because i know i've let her down before but she has an unfathomable (to me) capacity for giving and love.

after the big boo-hoo fest we arrived back at lil' ugmo and basically finished setting up spumante bambino's part of the room, which is also probably adding to my general level of blah. i'm freaked out, guys. i don't know what i'm doing or what's coming down the pipeline or how i'm going to handle it and how our lives are going to change and whether i'm going to be the same person when i come out the other end. there are just too many unknowns and i feel really unprepared and seeing the room basically set up feels both jinxy AND stressful because there is going to be someone pretty needy occupying that room and something's going to have to give and i'm afraid that it's going to be some essential part of me that's going to make me not me anymore, or make me and the dotytron not us anymore. there's this weird mix of anticipation and trepidation in the air and it's not helped by the dark mornings and darkening evenings and increased time spent indoors.

i wish things weren't so busy right now. i wish i could carve out a bit more time to enjoy and luxuriate in having a household of 2 - i wish lesson planning and grad school readings and life wasn't getting in the way as much. i write this, i'm thinking that maybe i should take a bigger chunk of time off before my due date.

last night i whipped up a frugal/CSA busting meal of swiss chard, genoa salami and pesto bowtie pasta. the fancy pasta was given to me as a birthday present from my colleague T.

tonight i made us roasted tomato soup with a hot artichoke dip for dipping bagel chips and leftover cracker-y things from our shower in. i also made a big batch of tomato sauce. i'm trying to double up on meals and freeze things for later - the roomie jokingly said that her shower gift for me would be use of her freezer for all the meals i'm putting away and that's actually THE BEST GIFT IDEA EVER. i'm going to need it.


creamy hot artichoke dip

not sure how many this serves - maybe 6-8 as a appetizer dip? it makes enough to fill a 9" pie plate - adapted from bon appetit

1 8 oz. package cream cheese
2 1/2 T. sour cream
2 T. mayonnaise
squeeze of fresh lemon juice
1 T. prepared mustard
1 clove of garlic minced (approx)
1 t. worcestershire sauce
1 t. hot sauce

1 c. grated mozzarella cheese

- using a mixer or the food processor, blend together the first 8 ingredients, then fold in (or pulse) the artichokes and mozzarella cheese
- transfer to a suitably sized baking dish
- bake in a preheated 400F oven until dip is bubbling and brown on top.
- serve hot

note: the original recipe called for green onions and minced seeded jalepeno to be folded in - i didn't have those things and didn't do it and it still tasted fine. obviously, this recipe has a lot of flexibility. you could also add canned crab for a hot crab and artichoke dip or a package of thawed, drained, and chopped frozen spinach for a hot spinach and artichoke dip. you could also add asiago cheese or grated parm as well.


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