Tuesday, August 04, 2009

a funny thing happened on the way to the drive-in

...we got hitched! tied to the hitching post! we're joined in an unholy union in unholy matrimony for richer and poorer (even though i think i mouthed the word, "NEVER!" at the dotytron during the "poorer" bit) and in sickness and in health until we're parted by death (note to people getting married: vows can be a bit of a downer - there's some macabre shiz in there, friends.)

first: i can't believe that w.p. video of them dancing down the aisle has been taken off of youtube because of a "copyright claim by kevin heinz" - GHEY! so lame! why would you do that and be so weaksauce? are you trying to give me further ammunition for my "you guys are lamewads" thesis? jeez.

ANYWAY, this weekend was all kinds of awesome. geneseo, ny tends to be guaranteed good times but the dotytron and i love it SO MUCH that it was nice to be able to show people why. we got in late wednesday night. thursday dawned bright and sunny so we loaded up the car and went to wegman's and finished up our last minute errands. stuff like: renting an amp from buzzo music on main street geneseo (tip: if you click on the link, please do take the extra effort to click on "buzzo poems" - you won't be disappointed). buzzo doesn't usually do rentals but he was so tickled pink at our "rock'n'roll" wedding performance that he made a special exception. for your general buzzo trivia edification: buzzo also once won a wrestling match in guelph. amazing! he talks exactly the way you'd expect someone who looks like a grizzled veteran of the grateful dead to talk and he walks with the aid of a walking stick fashioned from what appears to be 3/4 of a magic 8 ball frankensteined onto a lucite bar with packing tape. he's kind of awesome.

after that, we had some spare time so i proposed a trip to stony brook state park for me and the dotytron. stony brook is near and dear to my heart. its a place that is teeming with magic. a stream fed pool nestled at the base of a towering gorge, public picnic tables with hibachis hidden amongst the dappled shade of tall trees, a concession stand selling fries and perry's ice cream, and a cedar-chip floored playground with all manner of entertaining things for kids. there's nothing better than going for a freshwater swim, clambering out and letting the sun dry you as you lay out in the sun to dry on a damp towel, happy and tired, alternating thumbing lazily through the pages of a book with dozy, sun-drunk naps with your arm flung over your eyes. i love the tired you get from being outdoors and being active. that fresh-air/swimming tired/cottage tired feeling. there's nothing better because it's so removed from your mind whirring. it's your body that's tired, not your head.

for lunch that day we had subs from aunt cookie's sub shop. now, i RARELY eat subs. i'm not the biggest fan of cold cut sandwiches in general - you'll never see me going to mr. sub or subway as my first choice. but upstate new york has a huge sub culture (heh) and aunt cookie's are THE BEST. hands down. it's so simple: a toasted wheat or sesame seed bun - ever so perfectly crisped so that there's the slightest bit of crunch and between the toppings and the soft give of the bread. sub bread at the chains is gummy, rapidly reduced to tissue paper pablum, but the stuff here is made for topping. and the meats, the meats! you've got regular assorted, italian assorted, just capicolla, just italian salami - a dizzying variety that manages to thrill while still being restrained enough so that your decision making processes aren't compromised. some oil and vinegar, some mayonnaise, a fine confetti of shredded iceberg lettuce, thinly sliced white onion, and some sliced tomato and salt and pepper are all you need to reach sub heaven. i could eat those things all day.

i made dinner for my sis and outlaw bro and family that night. something simple: grilled sausages, a corn and jicama salad with scallion aioli, and sliced tomatoes with basil and little balls of fresh mozzarella cheese, topped with olive oil and coarse salt.

the next day we did some more erranding - some small final preparations, putting welcome bags with rochester-area treats (nunda's mustard, dinosaur bbq chips, maple syrup), an itinerary, and some bottled water in our out-of-town guests' hotel rooms, laying out the tables in the tent, setting up the folding chairs, cleaning my sister's house and then packing up to head to the B&B.

at this point, i had put myself on a "no carb" diet in a bid to make sure i could fit in the 26" waist of my dress. there was NO GIVE in that thing and no extra room for alterations. it was still, "no carb" lagerfeld style, though. which means that on friday morning me and the dotytron had breakfast at the cracker barrel where i indulged in chicken fried steak and eggs, biscuits and sawmill gravy, grits, hashbrowns and a side of patty sausage.

that's the dotytron in his brand new, $6 buzzo t-shirt.

my sis & outlaw bro booked friday and saturday night at a B&B for us. it's a lovely place, the temple hill is, shaded by towering, verdant oaks in a quiet strip off the main drag. our room was gorgeous. we chilled out there and then went to meet everyone for the rehearsal dinner, which was a hoot.

best thing about having a tiny performance - everyone came to the rehearsal dinner! we had it at delmonico's italian steakhouse. the dotytron's family were totally flummoxed by american style serving sizes. "does that say one HALF pound steak?" "no, that's ONE AND A HALF pound steak" i could hear nany and poppa (dotytron grandparents) and uncle mert and pat (dotytron grand-uncle and grand-aunt) muttering about how on earth they were going to finish everything, what with the pork chop dish on the set menu described as "two 8oz portions of pork loin chops" i gotta say, you can't beat the value. the banquet/large group menu had a house salad, followed by a MASSIVE entrée and dessert! the desserts were HUGE! look at the size of the KIDS sundae! look at how happy dr. rei is!

everyone was in jovial spirits. a small group was also nice because people could freely get up and mix and mingle and talk to each other and it was a lot more manageable facilitating conversation across groups. of course nany and poppa ended up knowing the manager at delmonico's, who presented us with a GIANT surprise gift basket of all kinds of italian treats. it was so random! lol!

the next morning we got up super early and went to my sis and outlaw bro's house to do some final set up, before heading back to the B&B to get ready. we had a quick breakfast at the B&B and met this hilarious kid, hunter, who was there with his parents attending a different wedding. the kid was hilarious because he was so awkward. dr. rei helped me get primped and did an awesome job. she totally made my eyes pop and managed to perform admirable under pressure while hanbo took pictures of us being ghey because he eats that stuff up.

then we did the ceremony. it happened REALLY quick. i was kind of worried that little ze might be difficult but in the end, he took his job REALLY seriously. the dotytron played me down the aisle with a ridiculously over-the-top electric guitar to the tune of the "theme from top gun" and then the judge did his vows and we sang our vows, which was the theme from the tv show "growing pains" - here are the words:

Show me that smile again. (Show me that smile)
Don't waste another minute on your cryin.
We're nowhere near the end (nowhere near)
The best is ready to begin.

Oooohhh. As long as we got each other
We got the world spinnin right in our hands.
Baby you and me, we gotta be
The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin.

As long as we keep on givin
We can take anything that comes our way
Baby, rain or shine, all the time
We got each other Sharin the laughter and love.

the best part of that was that we filled in the electric guitar bits. with our voices. lol! then we exchanged grillz and kissed and trooped out to the sounds of the allman brothers' "whipping post." cut to: tuesday afternoon. dotytron calls me at work. "ummm, have you actually LISTENED to the lyrics from 'whipping post' before?" me: "yeah." him: "so you know it's all about how the dude's woman has been a skag and is floozing it up with some other guy?" me: "sounds about right."

we piled into our vandalized car and headed out to do photos. you can't tell, but there was a mysterious green lantern insignia that appeared on the side of captain save-a-hoe.

chowtime! the food was really good! dinosaur bbq runs a tiptop operation. the food that was supposed to be hot was hotish, the food that was supposed to be cold was cold, the deviled eggs and peel'n'eat shrimp were as tasty as they are at the restaurant. even better, they provide everything. paper plates, cutlery, napkins, wipes, serving utensils...you can just load everything up into a garbage can after and whisk it away and it's like nothing ever happened.

after lunch, most of the older folk left and the younger generation played a bocce tournament. we randomized the partners. bwong and s-dawg were team "ching chong ching", me and hanbo were "the kings", dr. rei and the dotytron were "team boring", and c-hova and outlaw bro rico were "booze." me and hanbo pretty much won. after that we kind of got the itis and we laid out under the sun on towels by the swing set and idly chatted and played random motivational games s-dawg picked up from the ted rogers autobiography.

the dotytron's sister got us an amazing wedding prezzie (in addition to being the girl photographer for hire for the entire festivities) - an antique door knocker engraved with "dotytron / lagerfeld" - BEST!

we rested up and then piled into our cars to hit the charcoal corral and silver lakes drive-in. that complex is like a warren of time-warp fun. there's an arcade, a room filled with rattan furniture and wood-bladed ceiling fans known as the "fiesta room," a wood-paneled pizzeria, an old fashioned ice cream parlour, a grill restaurant, a stage for concerts, chicken bbq on fridays and saturdays, outdoor seating, a GIANT bouncy castle, and a mini-putt course. it's crazy! the dotytron's sis fell in lurve as soon as she saw that this was a real-deal drive-in replete with oldies wafting through the air.

by the time we got there (6:30pm!!!) chicken bbq was sold out, so i had another buffalo/western new york specialty, beef on weck, so named because it comes on a kimmelweck bun (a bun flecked with caraway seeds and coarse pretzel salt). the bun makes it. it's rare roast beef sliced thin and piled high on the bun. i had mine plain (it was my first time) but it's best (apparently) with horseradish and mayo. i had heard of it in my travels but as i was contemplating the extensive charcoal corral menu, a little forlorn at the chicken bbq shortage, i mused aloud, "beef on weck? what's that?" and a really nice lady at an adjoining table gave me the lowdown. when i finally started eating the sandwich she came up and asked me how i liked it! so cute! the thing about my experiences in geneseo is, people are SO NICE. so genuinely, warm, friendly and NICE. there's no artifice. it's very sincere.

the dotytron and i were bickering outside in the parking lot at wegman's over captain save-a-hoe's busted calipers and there was a jolly fat guy in a biker t-shirt and his batik-muumuu wearing wife kind of being forced to listen and not quite knowing what to make of our display. the woman said, "i can tell you like each other by the way you're talking to each other," in a friendly way, and i replied, "i know! we're actually getting married this weekend!" and she came right over and pulled me into her bountiful bosom for a bear hug. it was sweet.

we played improv games outside of the screen waiting for the movie to start. we saw "funny people" (review to follow). it was an exhausting day and we went to bed tired.

the next day was my THIRTIETH BIRTHDAY. dun dun duuuuuuuuuun. i woke up, way too early, groggily slumped my way to the bathroom to pee, peered at myself in the mirror and FREAKED OUT. THE EYE FOLD ON MY RIGHT EYE WAS MISSING. my right eye had gone asian on me (see top photo for an example). i rubbed at it. i rolled my eye. i poked and prodded at it and while i could coax my eye fold back for a second or two, it KEPT DISAPPEARING. at this point, i woke the dotytron up, frantic. "MY EYE FOLD IS MISSING!" he was a little befuddled to say the least. at first he claimed not to know what i was talking about and tried feebly to convince me that both eyes looked the same. BUT HE WAS BEING A LYING SACK OF POO. then i kind of had a meltdown and threw myself face down on the bed and moaned and groaned, "is this what happens when you turn 30?!??? one half of my face turns asian?!??? this sucks!!!!! this is what makes me cute!!!!!!!!! i swear if it doesn't come back by monday i'm scheduling the surgery!" (asian people can get an eye fold cosmetically manufactured by any semi-skilled plastic surgeon). i know, crazy talk, right? after about 45 minutes of me lost in a 30th birthday depression, i looked in the mirror and it had come back. i think i was just overtired or something.

the dotytron gave me my "surprise" birthday prezzie. he made me a tshirt that said: "my two most beloved things are: 1) amens, all kinds; 2) 808s, all kinds" with my little happy face picture on it. super cute! he totally spoiler alerted himself though because a week and a half ago i came home to find a google chrome incognito window open on my computer with a map and address for a t-shirt making place on it. ON MY COMPUTER! lol! i was good though! i didn't give it away that i had suspicions until i opened the prezzie. he also gave me a voucher for a weber charcoal bbq to be picked out at a later date. dotytron's sister em gave me a gorgeous muumuu and momma and poppa d got me an awesome day of the dead apron and scrilla. so aces! i'm such a spoiled lucky button.

we went to brian's u.s.a. diner for breakfast. we were supposed to go golfing but it was raining pretty hard and we knew it would be miserable. breakfast was fun - again people were boggled by the portion sizes. then we said goodbye to the dotytron's family, my family, and headed back to my sister's place to loaf. dr. rei and hanbo went shopping but came back in time to see me presented with my birthday cake:

the lead-up to this cake was pretty awesome. i had kind of guessed that it was coming - the day before as we were packing up the leftovers i faux-casually said to my sister, "oh, we should just use the carrot cake for my birthday cake" to which she replied, "no, i got something from weggy's" (which i knew, but i just wanted to be sure. she's really easy to bait, being the anti-scheist and all). anyway, later on i mused, "i wonder what kind of cake you got me?" and my sister said something like, "you couldn't even IMAGINE a cake like this" which of course made me super curious. she and the dotytron were in cahoots. the two of them went together to pick it up and he kept laughing each time she mentioned it. it totally lived up to the expectations. lol! apparently the weggy's people were SUPER embarrassed to even have this design at the back of the book, much less make it for people of the asian persuasion. the dotytron even tried to get them to do a mash-up - they had some bride cakes and he tried to get them to combine the bride cake with the racist chinese people/miley cyrus scandal cake which my sis rapidly kiboshed. awesome, eh? i love my family.

a-mazing. then the remaining people sat outside and hung out and talked smack and the boys smoked cigars. we talked about our garbled understanding of french new wave cinema and how dr. rei hates the future and the apocalypse. lol! best part was when i saw my doosier nephew, little ze, starting to get a little crankers and i said, "i think it's time for a nap" to which he looked up, looked me square in the eye and replied, "NOT." lol!!!!!!!!! so funny! my niece was being super cute all weekend too. i introduced her to babybel cheese and she was quite taken with it. she took her role as grillz-bearer very seriously and was being ultra precocious on the day of the performance, laying on the compliments, "your hair looks pretty like that," "i like your dress," "i like your flowers," etc. the day before the ceremony when i was going through the timeline for the umpteenth time she kept interrupting me by raising her hand and saying officiously, "i have something to say" and then saying something kind of inane. at a certain point, she leaned over to my outlaw bro and whispered, "i think you should tell aunt lagerfeld that you've been married longer and that she has to listen to you." ha!

on monday we packed up the kids and took them to stony brook. we packed a pretty fantastic picnic, if i do say so myself. we had water, juice, babybel cheese (bonbel AND original babybel), spicy salami, genoa salami, ham, some other kind of italian cured meat, little roasted marinated tomatoes, baguette slices, little bocaccini balls, cherries, crackers, and grapes. it was a feast.

we also dealt with the captain's seized calipers issue. the dotytron suggested that it might be cheaper to get it fixed in the states, and i was starting to get super-concerned about making a 3 hour drive with the grinding noise we heard every time we applied pressure to the breaks, so we took it to a mechanic near my sister's house. they put it up on blocks and called us 2 hours later and said that it was because our rear rotors were warped and we needed new rotors and pads and new calipers. if we wanted to do it all, it would cost us $875 (USD) + tax. but, we could get away with just doing the rotors and pads for $400 and change. at which point i started hyperventilating and freaking out. the dotytron was of the mind that we should get it all done at once and they did guarantee the calipers for life. so i was like, "ummm, if they can guarantee the calipers for life, WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED TO THE ONES THAT CAME WITH THE CAR?!???"

i was kind of hopping mad at how expensive it was and of course this reaction was exacerbated by how little money we have now and how much we're going to need on our closing day. so i called the mazda dealership and i called a tonne of places in toronto (nothing was open because it was a holiday). i managed to get one toronto garage on the line who said that something like that would run 400-500 bones. CANADIAN. then i called another garage who said that it would cost $540 plus tax. so i had the dotytron call garage number 1 back and play them against each other. dotytron tells garage 1 that he's been receiving quotes from $500-525 with the same year-long guarantee on the labour and the lifetime guarantee on the parts so what's with the discrepancy, blah blah blah, and garage 1 puts him on hold to "crunch the numbers" and comes back and says that he can do it for $520. WHAT. THE. HELL. do they KNOW who they're messing with?

meanwhile, i've called garage 18 who's literally 4 stores down from garage 1 and just when we decided to go with garage 1 since they already have the captain up on the blocks or whatever, garage 18 comes back and tells me that it's going to be $340. gives me the breakdown on how much each part will cost and tells me that labour is $70/hour and it'll probably take an hour and a half but he's going to charge me for one. so we place a frantic call to garage 1, tell them to CEASE AND DESIST and drive it over to garage 18.

you want to see furious? try to screw over a chinese girl when there's money involved. nuh-uh. i am NOT some doddering biddy who'll roll over. this experience was educational on a number of levels. 1) now we know where to get cheap and good auto mechanic work done in geneseo 2) now i know how to deal with mechanics. you pit them against each other. make up how much you WANT to pay (average out the quotes and then go a bit lower) and don't EVER tell them that you're from out of town and want to drive your car back tonight. hear that, auto mechanics of the free world? you're going to be SO SORRY that i ever got possession of a possible lemon mazda protégé. your days of pulling one over on me are OVER.

and i will never go hungry again!

enough epic post for me. above is the rundown of my totally excellent weekend. i love my family. i can't say enough for all the things they've done for me. i'm blessed to have the BEST siblings in the whole freaking world. THE BEST. bar none. i'm lucky to have gotten such an amazing, warm, accepting NEW white family! they're kooks but so lovable. and my friends can't be beat. i was so happy to be able to have bwong and dr. rei and hanbo there, in this town i love, with the people who know me best in the world outside of them, all together in one place.




Grace said...

Congratulations! Your Wedding weekend looked amazing! Your pictures were just what I'd expect to find on Snippet and Ink. I love the dress, the hat and makeup!!!You looked stunning and dotytron looked very hansome, what a beautiful couple. Love the Dessert table too! I am so happy for you two! xoxo

karl lagerfeld, esquire said...

i'm only just seeing this now...thanks grace! i miss having you at work...i can't wait to see you!