longest non-vacation related blurg break evers! i know, where have i been, right? in frazzled town, population: me and dotytron, that's where. but also having the time of my life this weekend.
friday i woke up with a rip roarin' headache and called in sick to work. i think a few too many nights of a few too many missed hours of sleep and stress were wearing on me. my friend I was in town from montréal so i took some pain killers, slept in, felt marginally better and then eased my way out into the real world to help her find some jeans. we had success with my go-to brand, dish jeans. they're AMAZING. fantastic washes, super-flattering cuts, and the price point can't be beat. seriously, an amazing pair of jeans for under $90?!? in this day and age? BEST!
i also went to gadabout to see about that vintage dress i had been pining over. turns out that it wasn't right. it had a pencil skirt with a tulip overlay that was a little *too* vintage costume-y. plus the colour wasn't super flattering, which is kind of odd, because one of the pluses of being a swarthy dark-skinned mohican such as myself means that i can wear almost any colour under the sun. i have a slew of weddings to go in the next little while so i wanted something kind of new and more importantly, most of my party dresses are red/pink/purple and i wanted something in the blue range to match the dotytron's suit. yes, it's VERY important to me that we coordinate when we go to suit-and-dress events. i just like to be matchy-matchy. anyway, i ended up finding a lovely ombré aquamarine-to-teal, floaty, silk number that, if not quite perfect, was too lovely and on sale to pass up. it looks pretty banging on, if i do say so myself.
that night we had dinner at our friends J & S's house. J made us pulled pork sammies on powdery, light, fluffy buns with a potato salad and a coleslaw. i contributed chocolate pudding pie. it was a great meal that went much later than i had intended (they're parents to two young children) - but that's what eating and convivial conversation will do to you.
the next day i finished my bouquet and then headed over to the ex-roomie M's house. she was having an informal bbq and our friend P was in town from new york. it was kind of awkward - at least when the parents showed up. i feel like there are a few kinds of parents. the cool kind where having the kid doesn't really change them at all and they are still relevant and not that boring about it (like J & S and my sis and H and G & M) and then there's the kind that go kind of buck and you can't have a non-child related conversation with them anymore, or a conversation that doesn't revolve around how VERY OKAY THEY ARE WITH POO. i hate that conversation. more because it's such a tired cliché. like, "poo doesn't even phase me" "i'm such a mess, look at me, i've got vomit in my hair" we get it. you're a mom now. WE KNOW. nothing new here!
anyway, there were a few moms who were on that tip. and on that naturalpath/cranial sacral therapist for my child, no vaccines, co-sleeping forever, and breast-feeding until 5 tip. one of reasons for breast-feeding until 5 that got trotted out was because there's "research" that shows that breast-fed kids get sick a lot less later in life and have better immune systems, blah blah blah. so, me being me, i piped up and said that i question how those studies can isolate breast-feeding as the singular causation for that. then people asked me why i was questioning something that was "natural" and i said, i'm not questioning breast-feeding, i'm questioning the claims made by the research, when the cohort must have been really small and a longitudinal study is impossible where you can say that breast-feeding is the root cause of a boosted immune system. i was formula fed and i'm healthy as a horse. it's going to be mostly anecdotal, like that and quite frankly, people have to find what works for them, instead of having la leche league going all nazi on your butt and women feeling like failures if they have problems breast-feeding or have to go back to work and can't or something.
then this one girl at the party turns to me and interrupts me saying, "excuse me, but do you come from a science background?" and i was like, "um, no. i come from a cultural studies/critical theory background. you apply a critical lens to everything" to which she replied, "don't you find that exhausting?" lol! yes, i find being critical exhausting. it's a lot more work than being vapid and reducing complex issues down to a science/nature dichotomy, i'll tell you that much!
it kind of went downhill from there. the kids wanted to have a "dance party" and at some point, this one kid S who's like 4 or something demanded that i come in and dance with him. i find dancing with children kind of awkward. but i didn't feel like i could say no because everyone was cooing and oohing and awwwing and so in love with their own kids that i would have felt like a d**k. so i half-heartedly danced. also, we were dancing to like, michael jackson's PYT, which i think is played out. the same way i can't dance to "thriller" - i can appreciate that they're hype tunes, but they're still played out.
at the end of the day, my issue is with people who actively participate in their own essentializing. people who define themselves by what they do, the activities they engage in. it's too much for me. that's why i never call myself a foodie. i LOVE food and i LOVE cooking but i hate being defined by stuff like that. try calling me a librarian and see how well that sticks. obviously, there are times when i strategically self-apply those categories (at like, a library conference or something, or for professional reasons) but generally, i hate being lumped in with other crafters, or knitters, or foodies, or librarians, or WHATEVER. i feel like my engagement with these things are too nuanced to be reduced down to a handy handle. i hate clichés (for the most part, but i'm not above using them in my writing). it IS exhausting. the roomie, on the other hand, is the kind of person who LOVES being defined by those handy handles. so women are like X, parenting is like X, midwives are like __, __, and __.
i dunno...i feel like you have to be a whole person (or strive to be) in everything that you do and i don't feel like you set a good example for your kids or anyone if you devote yourself to the kids, your partner, or any ONE aspect of your life. as in everything, balance is the key!
ANYWAY, after that we headed out to B & E's gorgeous house in the kdubs (somewhat predictably getting lost along the way because kdubs MAKES NO SENSE) for a little me and A (male doppelganger) birthday soirée where people didn't follow the rules and got me presents. they were very sweet and thoughtful though and i love them. we nibbled on nibblies and talked about stuff and gossiped and laughed and drank tom collins (A's favorite drink). then we got all skanked up and headed to the RAVE! yes! i went to a RAVE! like, enter through a mysterious parking garage, all night dance party NOT in a club featuring a UK headliner! best! i saw no less than 2 pregnant women (although the dotytron claimed there were 4!) and i got all lurved up with my favorite peoples and danced and hugged and kissed and it was lovely. we ran across A's friends K & C who we sat with at A & J's wedding (all the ex-raver crew sat together). now THAT'S the kind of parent i want to be! K & C have two youngish kids and were at the rave as long as we were, standing right up front, dancing in front of the speakers the whole night. amazing! plus when we sat with them at the wedding we chatted about how they like to give their kids old moog synthesizers to play with and they were totally normal and fun and interesting. best parents ever! we stumbled out of the rave at 4 in the morning and barely slept before a pack of us headed out to canada's wonderland.
i kind of thought that with the rave the night before and the no sleeps we'd kind of take it easy, you know, a couple of hours and then call it. OH NO. we were there for like, 8 or 9 hours. C & C joined us as did J & N - such a fun time. foot long hotdogs, the smell of fried dough, novelty ties, hamburger hats and thrills and chills in the form of poorly maintained wooden roller coasters and the freakishly well engineered physics-defying new ones.
after THAT, we stopped off at the roomie's pad again to bid I and P adieu. it felt like it had been a lifetime since we had seen those guys last, when really it was only a day.
now we're swept up in ironing out the last minute details for the big day (or rather, series of big days). yipes! too much to think about!
last night for dinner i made us macheroni carbonara with pancetta and scapes. the pasta was a beautiful hand-rolled number i got in that gift basket of goodies from my coworkers. i served it with our favorite cool summer salad - cucumber, radish, dill and crumbled feta in a sweet vinaigrette.
tonight for dinner i kept it simple and made myself a grilled cheddar sandwich on challah, and a boccaccini, tomato, basil and salt sandwich on sunflower rye. the dotytron is off doing man things with his da' - i think they're having a "before you marry that harpy" heart-to-heart.
the next two nights i won't be home for dinner. tomorrow is dodgeball so i'll probably be eating leftovers or something quick out - and friday is a bbq at my dodgeball teammates' place. i'm contributing a peanut butter pie, raspberry brown butter bars (my new favorite treat!), deviled eggs, and a panzanella (i might axe the panzanella though because i feel like bringing 4 things might be overkill). i already made the peanut butter pie so all i have to do is make the bars and the deviled eggs tonight.