Wednesday, July 29, 2009

lionel hutz

okay. remember how we hired lionel hutz to be our lawyer and when we tried to make arrangements to sign the retainer he told us he wouldn't be able to see us until late in the evening because he was going to be in "court" all day, except when we showed up at his ramshackle, skeevy office it turns out that by "court" he meant "canada's wonderland" because he had a fresh judy jetson stamp on the back of his hand?

well, me being me, knowing that we're about to go off on vacation and be away, i got my affairs in order early and fired off emails to my bank lady, our agent, and lionel hutz informing them of when i'll be away, where they can contact me, and listing all the relevant contact info for all the parties (including my proxy lawyer - my mum).

yesterday i get a call from lionel hutz informing me that HE'S QUITTING HIS PRACTICE due to "personal issues" and wouldn't be able to represent us in this transaction. OY. he's transferring all his business to another lawyer close by. what a mess! i spent more than an hour yesterday frantically trying to call new lawyer, find out what her credentials were/how long she's been practicing, etc. she's in the same price range but way too laid back for me: "you're closing on the 31st? most people don't retain a lawyer until 2-3 weeks before closing, how about you come in on august 26th?" i'm getting really sick and tired of people telling me what "most people" do.
BE PREPARED FOR THE OUTLIERS! jeez! our agent does this too - "the industry standard is blah blah blah" and i'm like, lady PLEASE. don't give me no industry standard bullcrap. you're on LAGERFELD STANDARD TIME now and you better recognize! anyway, i'm going to force this lady to meet with us and sign a retainer next week while we're in town before we go to make things official and to peep her operation and to impress upon her that i DO NOT do things in a relaxed, last-minute, or according to some fictitious "industry standard." you're working for ME now.

last night was super fun! we went to barraida which is just west of the college street insufferableness and has one of the loveliest patios i've ever seen - you're very secluded from the city hum. it was lovely to get taken out by my work friends and enjoy a nice dinner out. the back patio features a huge spit and they're famous for their roasted meats. i split their signature "flaming chouriço" with T...it's an entire horseshoe of thick-skinned chouriço set ablaze and carved into fat-chunk-flecked pieces. so delicious. delectable! i followed that up with a slightly less impressive suckling pig sandwich. the suckling pig was cold and served on a soft roll without any accompaniment, so it tasted kind of dry.

after dinner, the dotytron picked me up and we went over to his jazzer buddy's K's house and out for beers with his jazzer friends. it was fun! i wish we could have stayed later - i feel more at ease with them now that i can talk about how BORING it is when they talk about dexter gordon or how they've tuned their lap steels and how the beatles are over-rated. lol! next week we'll hang out proper. i was at my most obnoxiously charming and was rewarded with big laughs. i love having my funniness validated with laughter. so key.

the downside of all this frivolity was that we didn't get home until late and all the packing i was SUPPOSED to do didn't end up happening. the dotytron is home all day today so he can get some of that done but we all know that i'm a big enough control freak that i'll have to check over his work.

k, so this youtube clip has taken the world (blogging and real world) by storm. i'm sorry, but i didn't find it that awesome. first of all, it's not all that well choreographed! and it's too damn long! edit that shiz! i feel like this is something that w.p.'s go buck for but that i kinda don't get. i'm happy that their happy but i wouldn't consider this the best shiz ever and certainly not warranting the amount of lurve it's getting from the interwebs. also, the bride isn't really giving it her all. finally - it's awkward watching people dance the w.p's at the wedding dance. that's why i avoid dancing in public unless the conditions are RAVE and no one is paying attention to me. bah, i'm probably being a stressed out grinch. this is just one of those scenarios when the internet got it wrong and those scenarios tend to grieve me.

so we're leaving tonight for our awesome performance weekend adventure. i'm looking forward to this mini-vacay. it's going to be fun to hang out in geneseo with my family and with the goosetang clan. it's going to be relaxing and food-filled and chill. pretty ideal conditions to usher in your THIRTIES. that's right, i'm turning THIRTY on sunday. crikey!!!

wishing you all the best this long weekend! lots of love to my readers - you know we would have wanted you to share our day with us (and you will, in the form of video clips and photos) but this is really the only way we could swing it without going any crazier than we already are.

LOVE!

fin.

5 comments:

Nicole said...

YESSS. Congratulations, lots of love, all the best to you two and happy birthday. Hope your performance weekend is amazing. Love, Nicole

karl lagerfeld, esquire said...

awwww...thanks nicole...you're too sweet! lots of love to you! if you need any help doing anything crafty for your big do, i'm your girl!

christina said...

Happy B-day and Congrats on your big day!

Hope it's a super-amazing weekend.

xoxo

dotytron said...

you're totally just being a stressed out grinch. let the WP's alone, aight!? it's their job to be hopelessly lame.

I f'ing love you! YEAH!

karl lagerfeld, esquire said...

thanks, christina!!!