Saturday, June 20, 2009

school of bob villa, lesson 1:

if you apply ENOUGH of many different types of wood glue, one of them is bound to work and will make the joint stick. !!!!! success! i'm not gonna lie, things were looking pretty grim there for a bit, exacerbated by the fact that the home depot mission that i had been (wrongly) priding myself on (i should have known that it was eerily too well to be believed, what with me finding everything on my list with only a minimum of waiting and grade 9-style pantomiming to a bevy of pleasantly disengaged orange-aproned staff) yielded the wrong web clamping. BOO! i injected about four different kinds of wood glue into the joints of my practice telephone table and finally, in a fit of desperation, completely flummoxed by the workings of the web clamping (or what i *thought* was web clamping), i grabbed a crate of records and balanced it precariously on the upended table to put some weight on the setting joints. i'm supposed to let it dry for a good 12 hours, but when i went into the room (which i have hermetically sealed against all interlopers in a superstitious appeal to woodworking karma) and gingerly wiggled the joint, it didn't wiggle at all. it's too soon to tell, but i'm cautiously optimistic.

i also went to town with my brand-new upholstery staple remover on the existing seat covers, peeling off god-knows-how-ancient cheap filling and a tacky, "cream" (i think it must have once been cream) coloured naugahyde fabric. i did all this while wearing safety goggles and breathing through my mouth. i get that from my mom. my mom has a very strange habit of breathing through her mouth whenever she's put in situations like: being on public transportation, using a bathroom in the developing world, on the (rare) occasions that she does the dishes. it's kind of weird to me because as i have learned, smells are actually particulate matter, which means when you mouth breath around off-putting odors, you're actually EATING them. this didn't stop me from fulfilling my lagerfeld genetic destiny by mouth-breathing like a mofo as i lifted one staple after another. i procured some foam ($10! for 2 seats!) and now i just need a staple gun and i can go to town.

i'm documenting the whole process. i likes me a good crafty before-and-after like few other things.

so, yesterday's meeting with our lawyer (if not exactly confidence-inspiring) to say the least. he works out of a barebones storefront across from a subway station on the danforth. it's like, one room, with no privacy, so when his next appointment walked in while he was dealing with us, he had to ask them to wait outside. on the street. when i had called to book the appointment i had tried to get something during the day but he had told me that he was "in court" all day and wouldn't be able to see us until after 7pm. so we get there and i noticed that on his right hand, he had a FRESH scrappy doo wonderland stamp. !!!!! i surreptitiously pointed this out to the dotytron who responded with raised eyebrows and suppressed LOLs. i can't BELIEVE how cheap this guy is. he looks like a cross between the dad on "american dad" and troy mcclure. the lowest rate i had been quoted from other lawyers was $695 for the house and $295 for the mortgage, plus disbursements. this guy charges a flat fee of $500 for both the mortgage and the house and that's INCLUDING some of the disbursements! i am SO GLAD my mom is a real estate lawyer right now (she can't represent us because it's a conflict of interest). she's going to be checking over everything that happens and she's totally in our corner so it's a nice insurance policy. lawyers nowadays (for real estate transactions) are hella lazy and don't do their due diligence and rely on title insurance to cover their butts. it's crazy.

"scene not herd" was a complete 180 from last year's selection. while last year was super indie, with like a billion new pornographers' videos and like a billion emily haines videos, this year was total hipster, with an almost all-electronic music card. it's disappointing what this series has become. it's really poorly curated. even three years ago i saw some AMAZING videos. the international selection is so lacking and it seems to be used as an excuse for the curator to show how much street cred he/she has. show me videos that ENHANCE the music video genre! show me videos that are doing something crazy! there's so much re-treading of ground that it's shocking the creative rut that people are in. my favorite of the night was this one:

it's pretty cute. it's also really hard to lose with stop-motion animation.

tonight we're having dinner at the roomie's new place. i'm not sure what we're getting to eat, as usually "cooking" for the roomie means ordering takeout. i made a banana cake with cream cheese frosting for dessert. after that, depending on how ambitious/motivated we're feeling, we might go to a party at one of my dodgeball teammates' house...but that's VERY far away (well, st. clair and oakwood) so we'll see.


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