Monday, February 09, 2009

newsflash!

the movie "notorious" is AWFUL! especially cam-versions you downloaded that feature the camera-wielder's heavy breathing (seriously, our bootlegger must have had the deviated septum to end all deviated septums), audience laughter, and action that happens OUTSIDE OF THE CAMERA'S FRAME. lol!

what we rapidly discovered is that we, or anyone who knew the FIVE facts that EVERYONE knows about biggie, could have made the movie. this is surprising because the movie was executive produced by someone who purportedly knew him quite well, puffy. the only good thing the movie does is make you hate puffy more than you already did. it presented LITERAL depictions of his lyrics (ie. numerous scenes with biggie making sure that everyone in the five boroughs know how much he loves it when you call him big poppa) strung together in a haphazard fashion with no struggle, adversity, character development, or anything that would you know, make a story compelling.

actually, i'm wrong. the movie also does another good thing, which is make tupac prance around in silky, blouson shirts that make him look like gianni versace's kindred spirit (this is before tupac makes the sudden, capricious, and completely unexplained metamorphosis into the thug life tupac of california love - aka the video that features people inexplicably screaming and spraying spittle at the camera in some cirque-du-soleil meets mad max desert mardi gras setting, replete with people driving atvs across the dunes pumping their fists ad nauseum and locations typed across the screen in generic "computer font" accompanied by "computer noises.")

lil' kim was allegedly pissed off about how she was portrayed in the film and denounced it. i'd like to venture that lil' kim hasn't actually SEEN the film, because not only is the actress portraying lil' kim about 1000000000 hotter than lil' kim herself, it's actually a pretty sympathetic portrait. same with faith evans. poor angela bassett acts her HEART out as biggie's stern, set-upon mother - it's actually quite tragic that she's even in this movie and trying half as hard as she does. finally, none of the actors look anything remotely like the people they are supposed to be.

which isn't to say that last night wasn't the FUNNEST, but that's because the goosetang clan takes immeasurable joy in being together and can find laughter anywhere. i was a pretty cranky, sleep-deprived bastard, and it was still the funnest. we ate pounds and pounds of popeye's fried chicken and biscuits and sides, washed down with pop and beer, and finished with a classic goosetang clan viennese dessert table consisting of miami snack cakes, ah caramels, and my caramel cake which was DELICIOUS! i'll take a pic and post it tonight. it's quite the homely little thing - just a golden cake topped with a caramel icing, but when i say "just," instead picture a tender crumbed, lightly sweet, brown crusted delicious cake topped with a sweetly warm oozy sticky topping. i did the southern thing and used the a** end of a wooden spoon to poke holes all over the cake, so that the caramel could seep in. it was lovely! just the thing with a cold glass of milk and it's going to be my treat tonight when i get home from dodgeball.

i was glad my dodgeball team invitees bailed last night. i was too cranky to deal with them. i really do enjoy their company but there's vast differences between us. differences like: they prefer a soundtrack of death metal and don't get hype from hip hop (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) on mondays, when we're the "west coast rap ball stars" i'm responsible for providing the soundtrack, which is naturally, hip hop. people don't like it...they associate it with laying out, when i've had some of the crunkest times of my life to old skool hip hop. death metal to me seems like joke music. one time we walked into a gym and someone was playing prodigy and one of the girls sneered, "what IS this?" it kind of broke my heart a bit. prodigy > death metal.

they can also be kind of young sometimes. like, not knowing how to rsvp young.

here is a general rule i like to live by: if you're eating the hottest wings on the menu, have tattoos, or are drunk - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. really, i don't give a s**t. people who feel the need to announce when they are drunk and draw attention to it, are frequently the same people who like to make a big production out of eating the spicy wings or think that tattoos or piercings actually constitute some kind of cultural capital. as a general rule: these people are the boringest. you can totally take that to the bank.

tonight is take out night. the roomie is "cooking" (aka buying us vietnamese food) and i'm going to go to bed early and catch up on my shut eye. how happy am i that it's a 4 day work week? MUY!

oops, before i forget...CONGRATULATIONS A&C!!!!!!!!

all this levity is really a cover for my broken heart though. chris brown fans the world over were shocked and dismayed at the screaming headlines from the gossip blogs. i can only hope that it's a gross misunderstanding. poor ri-ri.

fin.

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