Tuesday, June 03, 2008

cottage in jeopardy!

bad news! the dotytron's stupid teacher's college for jerks is being a fear-mongering nerd brigade and is starting school on like, AUGUST 25TH or some s**t. that's redonkulous! since my family booked a cottage for the last week of august, it was looking for a while there like the dotytron wouldn't be able to make it, which is tragic for a few reasons, not the least of which is that the dotytron NEEDS cottage more than almost anyone i've ever known. it makes him so blissfully happy that it's borderline sickening if it wasn't so gosh darned endearing. and if there's one thing about the dotytron, his enthusiasm and joy are as infectious as an outbreak of c. difficile (incidentally, one of the lamest names for a bacteria, ever. seriously? c. difficile?!? it just sounds so stupid when you hear it pronounced out loud. it's a hot button topic so i'm hearing it a lot at work. and by "a lot" i mean: "twice")

his teacher's college is buck and they're trying to freak him out by saying that if he has a part-time job, he should quit, because the workload is going to be SO INSANE and blah blah blah. they were trying to do some proper scaring straight at the orientation he attended recently, but we got the skinny from J on saturday. it sounds like teacher's college (as we could have guessed, judging by the calibre of people who were in the concurrent ed program at trent) is full of the same, annoying, ann gedes worshiping dingbats that populate library school. aka earnest, middle class, overachieving dorks. dorks who have breakdowns over A- and cry all the way home to their mamas about it. dorks who spend a bajillion hours doing work that it would take your everyday, ordinary, semi-intelligent jane/joe a couple hours of morning-that-it's-due, coffee-fueled, good, old fashioned, making-it-up-on-the-fly, half-assedness to complete.

it's kind of making me want to apply to teacher's college because it sounds like there are so many n00bs so ripe for the pwning. it's definitely bringing out the competitive edge in me.

anyway, we've tentatively re-booked for the week prior, so all is looking right in cottage land.

here's the other thing about the dotytron (and by extension, i'm learning, all guitar-playing assjacks). he has to keep the fingernails on his picking hand longer than most people would find seemly or toward. to add insult to injury, he has to FILE his nails because cutting them i guess makes them brittle or fragile. so, not only does he paint on sally hansen nail strengthener onto the tips of his picking hand (thereby giving them an effeminate sheen), he BLOWS THROUGH nail files like there's no tomorrow. he crushes them. after destroying file after file (and we're even talking about the fancy 8 sided ones that buff AND polish), he tried jerry-rigging his own. this consisted of fine-grit sandpaper, glued to the worn corpses of nail-files past. this consisted of strange sticks poking out of drawers in the bathroom with curling, black, sand-paper steadily un-sticking itself from the base. lovely.

anyway, today i actually cut a chunk out of my nail and i wanted to smooth it down so it didn't snag on yarn while i was knitting.

stupidly, i ask: "do you have a nail file i can borrow?"
answer: "DO I!!!"
*hands me a nail file*
"you can use this one. but you can't touch EXCALIBUR"
even as he says these words, my eyes land on some kind of crystal-handled, velvet sheathed, something which is unceremoniously snatched out from under my nose.
(keep in mind, i didn't even know "excalibur" existed)
"is that one of those ones that never gets dull?"
"yes" even as he says this, the dotytron is lost in some kind of nail-file-ecstasy-induced daydream, reverentially pulling excalibur out from its little draw string velvet pouch and gazing at it with what can only be described as adoration.

i can't believe this guy is supposed to be my soul mate.

tonight for dinnie i made a delicious italiano pasta of white anchovies, chili paste, garlic, lemon juice and zest and parsley. we topped it with toasted breadcrumbs. i got the texture on the "sauce" just right. it was moist but not too wet, coating the al dente pasta strands with a tenacious slick layer of flavour. i made my de rigeur caesar salad, but gussied this one up with shavings of pecorino and crisped, pan-fried proscuitto bits. yum yum yum.

fin.

5 comments:

dr. rei said...

"you can use this one. but you can't touch EXCALIBUR"

LOL!!! x a billion!

steph said...

Tell Doty to wait until first week of school when you hear all the Miss America speeches on how much someone loves children more than the next person and how they plan to dedicate every living, breathing second of their life to making them succeed.......BARF!

dr. rei said...

wow!!! steph that kind of speech makes me want to do a two hour long punch dance.

Chris said...

It really is true. You get this whole, "ever since I was young, teaching has been my passion. Children today need our help more then ever, and i will fight for their education and a better tomorrow."

rolling your eyes becomes a daily a routine.

karl lagerfeld, esquire said...

steph: when we were trying to scheme up ways of getting the dotytron out of the first week of classes (we thought it was just an orientation week at the time), i kept telling him to tell the school he was going on a journey to teach in africa. i figured they would eat that s**t up!