it's because i'm in the last, thrashing, twitching throes of this infernal degree. it feels weird to be on the cusp of being done. on the one hand, it's like every particle in my being is straining against the forces of physics to be free...i can almost feel myself trying to leap out of my own skin with the anticipation of that rush of exhilaration that's going to accompany handing in my last paper.
on the other hand, there's that little, niggling, what now? voice that's whispering just beneath the relief and joy. it's like post-partum depression or something. you spend two years of your life moving towards something and when you get there, i have no illusions about how anti-climatic it's going to feel. i think because i've been working full-time the difference in life style won't feel as great. i'll still have to go to bed a decent time during the week and wake up early. i'll still have a full day of work occupying my plate and i'll still be trying to squeeze in the stuff of life in that sliver of post-work/post-dinner time. i don't think the quarter-life crisis will be as great as when i finished undergrad. then, the gaping chasm of opportunities and the portent weight of every decision seemed so much more infinitely awful and REAL. i don't think i've changed much in the past two years, whereas from the day i set foot on campus in first year university to the day i packed up my belongings and moved home after fourth year was like living a few lifetimes.
my last paper is coming along nicely. i'm kind of liking it. just a little. it won't be my best work, but it won't be something i have to run and hide from. i'm about halfway through and that's just setting up the theory. i haven't gotten to the analysis yet.
these past few days i've been cooking by the seat of my pants. veering off the menu plan and cobbling together meals based on what we have on hand and what would require a minimum of supplementing from the grocery store to execute. last night we had beef stroganoff, with the extra ribeye that couldn't be forced into monday's steak sarnie. i simmered slices of the beef with sauteed leeks and garlic, and a tonne of cremini and white button mushrooms, sliced. deglazed with beer, added whipping cream and sour cream, and finished with salt and pepper and a liberal shower of chopped dill and parsley. i served it over extra broad egg noodles, which i love for their chubby, slippery, eggy heft. sided it with some broccoli tossed in butter.
tonight we had BLT's. it was a make your own affair. i cooked off the bacon and had mine with lettuce, tomato (natch), roasted garlic mayo, and an over-easy fried egg on toast. served it with a baby spinach salad dressed with caesar dressing and replete with chunks of avocado and a fairly fine dice of red onion.
can you believe i'm almost done? what is this summer going to look like, i wonder? can you believe i'm going to italy in T-minus 13 days?!??!?? talk about not feeling real. i want to get this paper done so that i can turn my attention to completing my italy "to-do" list.
hopefully by the next time i post...this degree will be done-zo. i wonder what this little blog is going to look like minus the library school component? although, now that i think of it, it's never really strictly been school-dependent for content anyway.