Tuesday, March 11, 2008


i went to the dentist today to get the other half of my mouth scaled. it was with a new hygienist (well, they're all new to me as i've only been to the office one other time, so by "new" i mean "not the person who cleaned my teeth last time"). here's a confession for you: when faced with potentially awkward social situations (ie. when a stranger has his hands all up in your grill and is poking and prodding at the tender flesh-pods of your gums), i like to take a pre-emptive tactical strike at the looming spectre of painful, strained silence by unleashing a barrage of aggressively inane questions to fill the ever-widening chasm of socially dictated patient-professional interaction. *obligatory interjection on behalf of the dotytron* [dotytron] "by aggressively inane, lagerfeld means that the questions are aggressive not in delivery, but in HOW inane they are" [/dotytron]

this basically means that any time i had the full use of my lips/tongue/teeth, i was executing a coup against normal, civilized, dentist-office pleasantries by randomly pointing at things and asking if they got sterilized. "what do you do with the instruments? do they get sterilized?" "what happens to the handles on the light? does that get sterilized?" "what do you guys do with the spit bowl? does that get sterilized?" i think the guy thought i was nuts (if i was in his shoes, i'd probably think the same thing).

things all came to a head when he asked me why i didn't return when i was initially scheduled a few days after my first visit to the office (this was after my disastrous appointment in december when i didn't receive my full cleaning but got charged for it, even though the hygienist was the one who was late. that was also the same appointment where i was convinced that the dentist was preying on my hypochondria by trying to get me fitted for a $400 bite guard). "because i was pissed off at you guys" "why were you pissed off?" "because you guys were trying to hose me"

^^^^ that right there ladies and gentlemen, is a CLASSIC lagerfeld's dad kind of move. the jackfruit doesn't fall far from the tree, folks.

in other news, i watched last night's taped episode of project runway today. BEST LINE OF THE SHOW, EVER --> contestant christian (pictured) had just graciously given another contestant some extra snaps he had. during the obligatory reality-tv show, one-on-one with the camera "confessional" says this immediately after (in reality tv time): "i didn't want to give him the snaps, but you know, sometimes, you can help another person out...........and they still produce crappy work" HI-LARIOUS. at first i hate christian, but i effin' love him now. "fieroccia coutura" lol!

tonight for dinnie we had a lamb, rosemary and guinness stew on top of the silkiest mashed potatoes ever (courtesy of the dotytron) and a heap of steamed broccoli. i've been lovin' my broccoli lately.

tomorrow is the long long long day and my question load at work, while not terribly heavy at the moment, is involving long, fruitless chases for information that i'm fairly certain doesn't exist in one aggregated spot. it's frustrating to the max and the last two mornings i've slept in and haven't eaten breakfast which makes me uber headache-y and grumpy after staring at a computer screen all day. NO MORE! one more night of excess (pie for dessert tonight!) then i'm back on the healthy train.


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