Monday, February 25, 2008

for the love of pete, ellen page!

okay, by all accounts (and from my personal experience having watched juno and odd episodes of the trailer park boys ellen page is a beautiful, young (21 years old!!!), girl with a whale-load of talent, and a promising future in acting. OR DOES SHE?!? every time i've seen this girl out at a red-carpet event, press junket, or daytime/evening talk show, she is wearing something so incredibly BORING, not-age appropriate, and just all around off-the-rack-at-jc-penny that it makes me want to scream. it ALSO makes me fear that she's going to go the way of mia kirschner or other promising (and considerably "hotter" in the conventional sense) canadian female thespian exports, and end up on crappy marginalized cable television (at best) or just have faded into obscurity within five years. this is your breakout moment! look young! sassy! sparkly! hire yourself a stylist! seriously. it's all black shifts, grey strapless dresses. nothing that's going to land you in the pages of "in style" magazine or get you noticed by the head honchos in hollywood AT ALL. it's not even memorably non-fashion-y (a la chloe sevigny in that counter-intuitive stylistic sense). it's just drab. i was bemoaning this fact to my sister off-handedly while flipping through the pages of some magazine this weekend, and my sister agreed. we were both concerned.

lo and behold, as i watch the oscars last night, THIS is what a 21 year old girl chooses to wear at what will probably be one of the BIGGEST GALAS OF HER LIFE, where she's nominated in her chosen field for ONE OF ITS HIGHEST HONOURS:

no sooner did the camera cut to her (we only saw the last 1/4 of the oscars as we were at my grandpa's banquet and then had to be driven all the way back downtown) then my home phone rings. i pick it up, and without a hello, i hear my sister's exasperated, harried-working-mother-of-two voice: "SHE'S. WEARING. BLACK." as a point of comparison, let's look at what, say, helen mirren wore:

ummm...helen mirren is like 60-something. and she's rocking her silver hair, amazing bod, giant tee-tas like it ain't no thang.

fine, let's get someone closer to ellen page's age range:

jessica alba is knocked up with some random schmoe (with minimal prospects)'s baby, has starred in more flops this year than i can count (one of which featured DANE COOK) and yet she STILL manages to make it look like she's got her s**t together.

i rest my case. no excuses, ms. ellen page!

mark my words: if she doesn't get herself a stylist, she'll be marginalized in hollywood within 5 years. you gotta play the game, son. you gotta play the game (if there's one thing that both the wire and dodgeball have drilled into me, it's the above).

i'll probably post my reviews of in the valley of ellah and be kind rewind tonight. a bientot.


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