Wednesday, January 30, 2008

everything's coming up millhouse

i hate to tempt the fates, especially so close to the lunar new year of my people, when i'm sure the fates are just WAITING for you to slip up, get comfortable with your situation, actually allow yourself to be taken in, just a little, by the glimmer of hope that is the refuge of the incredibly naive or insane - before BLAM-O! out goes the rug from under your feet and your chin is striking the unforgiving surface of life's parquet flooring.

anyway, in spite of all this, this is what's going well for karl lagerfeld, esquire at the moment:

- i found out today that i'm the recipient of the mr. paul chan po sum & mrs. rose chan memorial scholarship. i think it has something to do with being chinese, getting good grades, and going to library school. i contacted the registrar for information on the family of mr. and mrs. chan so that i might send them a small token of my gratitude, but unfortunately, the registrar doesn't have this information available. thank you very much, mr. and mrs. chan, i appreciate your generosity and wish you and all your family all the best.

- the remainder of my UTAPs money will be arriving in my hot little hands shortly

- i got my grades for last semester: A, A, A+, A+, which is my best showing in library school yet! nary a nasty minus sign marring my lovely alphabet starters to be seen. i probably attended the least amount of class yet last semester, so it must be a winning formula.

- i really really really love my job. i had one of those "gee, i really love doing this" in-the-moment moments today, and i got a little hype, i must say. i love how my job is meaningful, and i love how it's restoring my faith in democracy. you'd be surprised just HOW many people go to their local government representative with their personal concerns. it's pretty effin' awesome. that's what they (the govs) are there for, and i'm here to help them. i feel so useful! and it's so INTERESTING answering the questions. 


the next morning, young lagerfeld awoke to face the outcome of her peacock preening in blog drafting the night before

well, the fates got me last night. i have to admit, i gave them just cause...i was feeling rather invincible. so invincible that i convinced myself that ordering a medium tuscan sausage (hold the green peppers) stuffed crust pizza was a good idea last night at 10:30pm. that's right. 10:30 PM. eating three slices and going to sleep shortly thereafter plus my happiness at my life was a sure-fire recipe for the fates to gift me with a heart-pounding, fitful-sleep-inducing, nightmare-ridden night, and moreover, to wake up feeling like the proverbial business end of something with a disproportionately large a**. ugh. why does stuffed crust taste so good going down, but makes you feel like death warmed over the next day? ah well, life is too short for regrets. i'll probably make the same mistake in five years (the absolute minimum before i order stuffed crust again).

my nightmare was crazy. my family was being pursued by some deranged serial killer, and we were holed up at my parent's house up in markham, while the serial killer roamed around outside, putting christmas lights up in the evergreen trees that border our backyard (!!!!). he was kind of fat, with lank, chin-length dark hair, and very, very pale...basically like your standard-issue late-high school goth. anyway, we were all freaking out because the christmas tree light-establishment was taken as this horrific portent of impending doom and our grisly demise. we called 911, who informed us that they would be there shortly. while we anxiously waited, i made molotov cocktails (to lob at our attacker, presumably) and attempted to cajole my outlaw bro to come into my mom's room so that we could barricade the door. however, he was being all rambo about stuff, and was sitting in the room he and my sister usually occupy on their visits here, polishing a baseball bat, thinking that he was going to take down the fat goth and be a hero about it. when the police refused to show, i called 911 again, only to find that the line had been TAPPED by fat goth! i looked down on him talking to me in the backyard as the horror at our increasinly desperate situation sank in. then the scene switched to me sitting at a table in the backyard with fat goth and some other dude, and fat goth was basically humouring us and toying with us by making idle chit-chat, knowing full well that soon he would do what fat goth serial killers do - dispatch their victims. somehow the idle chit chat turned to talk of the tv show lost, which gave me an avenue to profess how i gave up after a few episodes of season 1 because i didn't buy the whole polar bear thing and that it was bunk.

then i was awoken with my heart pounding by the insistent pressure of my bladder, full from washing down said stuffed crust pizza with two giant glasses of water in a bid to circumvent the effects of heart burn. i think the dream represents a few things: a) that stuffed crust right before bed isn't a good idea and b) that i really dislike the show lost and fail to understand its' appeal and c) that i associate fat goths with those things i dislike (in this case, the show lost).

tonight for dinner i'm making a mushroom, port and chicken liver spaghetti with a caesar salad. that's provided that my high work load and pms don't conspire to convince me that the better option is really delivery or fast food something or other.



dr. rei said...

"interjection for the benefit of the fates" LOL

congrats on pwning your classes like the n00bs they are. pwning n00bs is a lifestyle, son!

Every Dad Ever said...

A, A, A+, A+ only! Why not A+, A+, A+, A+

karl lagerfeld, esquire said...

^^^ correction: you mean every ASIAN dad ever said...

e-dawg outlaw(the bat) bro said...

Why is the outlaw bro polishing his baseball bat? Have you caught me in the shower? And specifically, it is a 34 inch baseball bat.

Give back all the A's library come someone with your research skills cannot discover more about Mr. Paul Chan Po Sum and Mrs. Rose Chan without asking the University for help (clutching nipples)??!