Saturday, December 08, 2007

the jig is up! part deux

sickness is in, manifesting itself in a husky, throaty, whiskey-stained vocal delivery. now, if only someone would write me an anthemic, northern-canadian rocker tune along the lines of alannah myles' "black velvet", i'd be set! barring that, i think this is my cold in its' last throes, as i woke up feeling like a million bucks, save for the throat irritability.

last night i bailed on my work friend's bowling birthday party because i was actually feeling like ass. midway through the night (approximately 7pm) my voice just died on me. the matzoh ball soup did wonders, though, and i soldiered through to watch the first two episodes of season 1 of hbo's "rome". what is WITH hbo and their gratuitous female nudity? my radical feminist sensibilities are rarely perturbed by such things, but this was just buck. i get the point that rome was effed up (i mean, i can infer it from helen mirren frolicking about and engaging in all sorts of base activities in "caligula") but there's just too many scenes of ugly old men getting rogered by ugly women. it's gross! the series starts off pretty slow with too many characters, but it picks up by the end of the second episode with a "who's the baby-daddy?" cliffhanger. so far, marc anthony is my favorite character. he's a dashing, loyal cad.

okay, so yesterday the dotytron resurrected the ipod conversation, because apparently his work is selling 8 gig ipods (sans video) for $150 because they're trying to get rid of the old stock. and he had one on hold. since i had already ruined the surprise, he was wondering if he should buy his own. i told him that he doesn't really have the extra income for that right now, and it's kind of silly. this is also in light of the fact that i was pushing him to snag one of the free ones that td bank gives out in the summer. he was too lazy to do that, so tough titty.

then today, after we had effectively squelched the ipod plan, i put phase II into play. i called long and mcquade, and identified myself, explaining the situation, and seeing if they could put one on hold for me and make it a surprise. the head of p.a. told me that the $150 rumour was a rumour, and they hadn't set the price yet, but that he'd hold one for me, find out how much they were selling them for, and then call my cell phone back to let me know. that's pure, cold-war era tom clancy-penned proper spy business, right?

so i get the call, and call back the store.

"long and mcquade, ian speaking"
crap. i panic and hang up.

5 minutes later, call back.
"long and mcquade, ian speaking"
i panic and hang up

5 minutes later, call back.
"long and mcquade, ian speaking"
hang up one more time.

2 minutes later, call back.
"long and mcquade, ian speaking" (it's a testament to the dotytron's consummate professionalism that his voice wavers not a bit in the delivery of the standardized greeting when he's clearly dealing with SOME kind of spastic phone lunatic)
at this point, i throw up my hands to the fates and say, "it's me".

"ohhhh, it's YOU. ___'s girlfriend also has your last name and we were just making fun of him because his crazy g/f kept calling here and hanging up"

"well, i'm the one you should be making fun of. wait - you guys have call display?"

"yeah, why did you hang up on me ten billion times?"

"uhhhh...none of your business. can i speak to chris in p.a. please?"

"huh? why?"

*laughing, now* "just let me speak to chris in p.a."

"what's going on here?"

me: "FINE" *blurt out the rest of the story*

i take this as a sign from the gods that i'm not meant to keep a secret, and that my pitiful attempts to do so will only result in american sitcom-style farcical events transpiring (and not even good sitcom-type machinations...like, second-rate, "two and a half men" kind of stuff). so the ipod issue has been successfully put to rest.

luckily, i have a contingency plan. this exercise has underscored to me my innate capacity to churn up ingenious and creative machiavellian schemes while also simultaneously highlighting the fact that i am too much of a bumbling boob to execute said plans with grace and panache. we'll see how the fall-back plan goes.

despite my illness i did manage to accomplish a lot during my "write-off recovery" afternoon, yesterday. i made a batch of deviled eggs, cranberry hazelnut chocolate bars, butter pecan fudge, matzoh ball soup, cranberry apple pear relish (12 jars!!!) and a tiramisu. the deviled eggs, bars and fudge are for the dotytron's mother's side of the family's holiday get-together. it's hor d'oeuvres, potluck style. call me a miserable pissant, but i kinda don't like it when adults have potlucks. like, ADULT ADULTS. not like, young-family-starting out, adults. i kinda think if you're going to have people over to your house for a to-do...you should just host it. or get it catered if you're not into that sort of thing. there's something kind of weird about having kids (in the family scheme of things, i'm still considered a kid) schlepping stuff over to an adult adults' house. i don't mind when i offer, or if it's close close family or friends...this is obviously a situationally contextual thing. if the point is like a cookie-swap or a dinner club or something, then i totally get it.

anyway, i'm bringing the bars, the fudge, deviled eggs, and smoked salmon with herbed cream cheese on crostini. the jam is to have to give out and the tiramisu is my offering for tonight's dinner. my bffff chris, and his gf are having us over for dinner. she's making lasagne. i actually really enjoy being cooked for. it's a nice change to go, and bring something, and not have to fuss and twitter around the kitchen and just get to enjoy. so that's what i'm having for dinner tonight.

...after a long day of researching this damned, dirty paper (which i alternate between feeling REALLY good about, and feeling hopelessly lost).

fin.

1 comment:

Chris H. said...

We gave up on Rome around the end of season one. The gratuitousness increases with their desperation for ratings (as costs spiralled).