Thursday, November 29, 2007


there are now only two major things (and one teeny tiny presentation) standing in the way of the end of my first term. one of them is HUGE and i haven't even started, nor do i know where i'm going with it, but hopefully i'll have the other big thing out of the way by the end of this weekend and i can focus on it for two solid weeks. one for research, one for writing.

it really does make all the difference in the world eating home cooked food. i feel better already. i also feel the need to reiterate how much i love barley risotto. it's so so so good. barley seems to maintain the creaminess even after refrigeration and subsequent microwaving back to life. it also has that al dente bite in the middle and it kind of feels healthier.

it is a truth universally acknowledged that my ever-present honesty and lack of being able to hide stuff on my face conspire to result in me giving the "wrong" reaction in certain situations. case in point: the other evening, the roomie came home and as we were talking on the couch, she gave a breathy, "guess WHAT?" and her face was filled with kid-realizing-there's-enough-snow-for-a-snow-day excitement and glee.
"what?" i ask.
"_____'s PREGNANT!" (my doppelganger).
me *stunned silence*: "what are they going to do?"
roomie (semi affronted): "what do you mean what are they going to do, they're keeping it"
me: *stunned silence*..."that's f**ked up".

i don't feel like i'm at the stage in my life where people i know (who are almost always at the same stage as me in my life) can be having babies like it ain't no thang. finding out that people are having babies always freaks me out. it's not like i'm not happy for them, but i'm always like, wow. your life is going to be so different. it's probably incredibly immature of me, and i know it. and it also has this reverse affect where it makes me NEVER WANT TO HAVE A BABY EVER. the only time i get really excited in the first moments is with my sister. otherwise, it's a gradual coming to terms with, and then acceptance, and then excitement takes over. but it's definitely a 12 step process. i'm definitely NOT one of those people who's all baby-crazy (the roomie) and thinks that every baby in the world is a precious jewel and every little gassy, cross-eyed stare, or jerky, spastic gesture is worthy of swooning and cooing. there are a LOT of ugly and unlovable babies out there and while i can intellectually appreciate that your baby will never be ugly to YOU, i think you have to be self-aware enough to know that you can't expect that kind of benevolence from everyone else. like, tom cruise's baby, suri? ugly. courtney cox's kid, coco? ugly. this is also where my reverse-racism comes into play. i generally have a lot less tolerance for "canadian" (read: wh**e) babies than "ethnic" babies. i dunno. i feel like there's way more potential for things to go wrong in the cuteness department with canadian babies.

i'm going to hell, i know. it's not like this is an all encompassing rule or approach. i'm just pointing out general trends. of course i'm going to love and spoil all my friend's babies, as i'm a born spoiler and an ACE auntie. it's more of a selfish, solipsistic moment, where i imaginatively transport myself into their shoes and every fibre in my being puts the brakes on and screams, "hells no!". i'm sure in a few years, when i'm a little more settled and have done a bit more traveling and gotten my jollies out a bit more, i'll be more generally excited at the prospect of my crew version 2.0. this is coming from the person who's planning an elaborate multi-generational xmas 2008 in disneyworld family trip and is nearly beside herself in anticipation. but this is ALSO the kind of person who is extremely neurotic and paranoid of the apocalypse (secular).

tonight for dinnie we're having the sausage, rapini and garlic pasta. with a warm baby spinach, pear, sliced almonds, bacon, and blue cheese salad.


No comments: