Tuesday, October 02, 2007

we're about due...

for a patented, karl lagerfeld "list of dislikes", don't you think? even though this blog is one long litany of my worldly complaints and grumbles, it's nice to have a condensed version every now and then. so here goes:

a) "flight of the conchords" (or whatever the f**k they're called). last week before primo we went to visit the roomie's old house (filled with stupid old people whom i universally dislike). we're having some great conversation (amongst ourselves, NOT including stupid old people i universally dislike...SOPIUD for short), when one of the SOPIUD decides she has to show us something that's "so funny!!!" and brings out her little 15" macbook or ibook or whatever silly "i"-prefaced linguistic injustice masquerading as THE hot new toy that apple is foisting on the public. first of all, i HATE laptops with puny screens. it's like, seriously, just save your monies and GO UP A LEVEL. what's the point?!? then i also HATE people who have to interrupt perfectly good conversation with something "funny" that usually tends not to be funny. unless we're talking expressive/emotive hamster, then most things are too long for that shiz. so she cues up these "flight of the conchords" dorks who, from what i can tell, sing stupid folky songs about subjects (gasp!) that aren't usually the subject of folk songs. how drole! one of my principle complaints here is that one of the dudes looks so simian that i find him disgusting. anyway, it was a bust. an interminable, awkward bust, because she had prefaced it with how much this stuff was going to MURDER us. it didn't.

b) mythbusters. there. i said it. mythbusters is SO DUMB and the problem is, it's masquerading as "intelligent" television because it's on the discovery channel. honestly, it wouldn't be so bad if the episodes were like, 10 minutes long. but no. you have to sit through an HOUR of watching jamie and adam figure out the best way to replicate if pirates REALLY could cut through a canvas sail with a banana in their pocket. "jamie and adam realized that the weight of the 20lb canvas was too strong, so they switched to 15lb canvas. jamie and adam realized that 15lb canvas was still too dense, so they switched to 10lb canvas" it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. it's as bad as those stupid "how it's made" shows on discovery that present the process of manufacturing say, televisions as something PURELY done by machines, in this neutral, linear process, devoid of the tonnes of factory workers that make this possible. mythbusters is a show for people who fancy themselves "nerds" in the annoying, non-endearing, medieval-renaissance role-playing way (ie. people who like to dress up as wizards and druids on weekends up in coburg or some shiat). remember that "nerd" couple on amazing race a couple of years back (the same year those two hippie dudes won) who kept prattling about how "nerds rule"? it's for those people. people who justifiably deserve to have the snot beaten out of them.

c) season 3 of heroes. wow. how boring. and how racist. first of all, hiro's storyline in ancient japan is KILLING the momentum. "ooh, look at the little man-child frolic in the cherry blossoms!" second of all, why are they acting like all these heroes haven't met before? weren't mohinder and the juju haitian voodoo man all in the same room at one point last season? why can't they find ANYONE in LA who can ACTUALLY do a convincing irish accent? also, the dominican brother and sister team are super-annoying. all the girl does is cry about how bad crap is getting and then her (simian-looking) bro (with a porn stache) comforts her and then she starts to bleed from the eyes. great. that's a great freakinn' power. then claire's dashboard confessional love interest is all peeping tom. and somehow, mr. bennett is working at kinko's and is living in the LARGEST HOUSE I'VE EVER SEEN. gah! i'm throwing in the towel. which means my shows are now project runway, because the whole jim and pam romance on the office is making me not want to watch. jim, yes, passive aggressive pam over HOTTIE rashida jones? no.

d) that "scrabulous" application on facebook is effin racist. they don't accept "xie" as a word, but they accept "chez". EFF YOU, SCRABULOUS!

/end rant.

something that DOESN'T go on the list is my dinner from last night. just look at it up there, all over-exposed and delectable looking and s**t. it was amazing. tartar sauce + fried fish + bread = happy happy karl lagerfeld. that's why, no matter how many big mac combos i eat at mcdicks, i really need to follow it with my patented, filet-o-fish chaser.

tonight for dinner we're having bi bim bap. flank steak grilled or seared, sliced and served over stir-fried snow peas, grated carrot, bean sprouts, and mushrooms on rice, with a ginger-soy-garlic sauce, and a fried egg on top. yummy.

finally, to leave you with something actually funny (assuming you haven't seen this already, but being savvy internet-ers, i'm sure you have), here is the expressive/dramatic hamster:



fin.

3 comments:

schmee said...

a) i haven't watched flight of the conchords, but i'm not gonna lie, this made me laugh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT5AQIlmM0I

"fast forward selecta!"

b) you're right, mythbusters' format is lame and set up just to get you through their commercials, but still, what other show can you think of that employs the scientific method the way they do? i'm pretty much for anything that promotes the scientific method as a means to get real answers...even if i don't watch it.

c) heroes is killing me. i think they're trying too focus on to many story lines that ultimately don't seem to be going anywhere. it's like a soap opera in that way where each character gets about 5 minutes total screen time so it takes like a month of viewing to witness what should be a quick conversation. not that i've actually watched soap opera's... that's just what i imagine it to be like...err. still, i don't think i can resist watching, especially knowing that veronica mars is gonna be on the show. i'm a slave to the television.

c part 2) i've actually had arguments defending the hotness of rashida jones. go team karen!

d) face what?

aaron said...

d) xie might not be allowed, but 'qi' is my favourite word in the scrabble dictionary. you can play it without needing a u, and it's a 2 letter q word, which means.. there's a heavenly potential of somebody leaving an i open next to a triple letter score, and then you can do something vicious like playing QAT going downwards from that triple and getting 69 points from playing 3 letters, and then whoever played 'chez' will be wearing a big sad-face. .. sorry.. it's probably cuz of people getting excited about plays like that that you hate scrabulous.

karl lagerfeld, esquire said...

no, aaron, that's where you're wrong. this is PRECISELY the kind of advice i need to best the racist scrabulous gods at their own game.

thank you!