Monday, August 13, 2007

lateski

you can forget about my early-morning posts this week, as i'm starting work at 7:45 in the am covering a co-worker on vacation, ergo, vis-a-vis, i'm waking up about 10 minutes before i leave and bolting out the door.

my neighbours are wack. this dude, J owns the house, but i *think* keeps another residence someplace else. he looks like shortround from indiana jones (like a 40 year old 12 year old if that makes any sense) and dresses like a hip hopper. he rents the place to his aunt, and this other greek gentleman (my neighbour who lights his charcoal bbq with a propane blowtorch). the other greek "gentleman" has been significantly less than gentlemanly lately. in the late spring, he fell off a step ladder and twisted his ankle (he works in construction. kinda. let's just say he seems to work for the kind of company that holmes, of "homes on holmes" fame regularly lambastes for their poor workmanship and cavalier attitude to building codes). anyway, after dude sprained his ankle, he sat at home getting wasted all day. his normally bleary-eyed visage became more bleary-eyed and florid with each passing day. then the leering began. he'd say hello to me and the roomie and give us the not-so-well-hidden leisurely up-and-down look. it's gotten the point where i used to be friendly and chat him up and now i'm curt in the extreme. also, the next time i catch him blatantly staring like a ugly sexed-up boar, i'm going to ask him "what the F**K do you think you're looking at?!?" (it's my patented line at the public library - except i replace the expletive with EFF).

anyway, it's a "shared" driveway, but previous tenants to us, made life miserable for the nice lady (shortround's aunt) by parking a giant truck in there and being dinks about moving it so that she could park also. so our landlord, when he shows the apartment upstairs to new tenants, doesn't mention parking, and just let's nice neighbour lady have the run of the driveway. which is fine. the odd time we have a car in our possession, nice neighbour lady is very nice about moving in so we can park behind her, or communicating with us so that it's vice versa. happy happy.

shortround, on the other hand, is another story. suddenly, he's parking there ALL THE TIME. which is annoying cuz it's hard to get my bike in and out. nice neighbour lady is gone for six weeks. we had a car on the weekend, shortround calls us at EIGHT AM SUNDAY MORNING to ask us to move our car as he's "moving some stuff" and doesn't want to scratch it. so fine, the boy begrudgingly wakes up on his one day to sleep in and moves the car. shortround then proceeds to unload about EIGHTY full black garbage bags from the bowels of his house and pile them in the driveway, his front porch, and the second level front porch. it's gross! and then proceeds to LEAVE THE BAGS THERE all day. no communication, no nothing. they were still there this morning. it's ridiculous.

i had read an article about "hoarders" in some women's magazine and was joking that it must be like that in their house. now we know that it's TRUE. hoarders are people who maintain "normal" appearances outside of the home but you're never allowed in because they never throw anything out. these are the kind of people who die in their homes and neighbours don't find out until it starts to stink and when you do go in there, there's rotting food and dead pets and showers rendered unusable by 30 years of accumulated dirt.

that's what it's like next door. except now the insides of next door are outside. also, in one of those bags is an alarm clock that's going off and there's not a single thing to be done about it.

crazy, eh?

he's got a batman thing. today is an extra long day so i packed a dinner of corn, bacon and potato chowder and a cheese and focaccia sammy.

fin.

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