1. dealing with situations where i have no control.
there's a health situation with someone in my family, and it's causing me to act out (ie. be a jerkbot, lash out, stress a little), mainly because i have no control. being a control freak means that you attempt to exert power over the random trials of life through *feeling* like you can control every factor around you, and also by believing that it's possible to be prepared for every eventuality.
not that this needs to be said, but this is not the case.
stripped of my ability to control/prepare, in the immediate moment, i tend to try to express anger and frustration at the impossibility of doing so. eventually, i make peace with the situation, and direct the energy from the anger, into a can-do, results-based realism. i haven't quite reached that stage yet.
*jarring subject change* my shift at the library was quite pleasurable. i ended up getting bumped up to superior duties for a big chunk of time (where i get the same pay rate as the job category i'm covering), as quite a few people called in because of the aftermath from the storm. it's actually not all that much longer than a regular shift. i'm there for 8 hours, but i only technically work 6 1/2, and get paid for 7. there was some creepy snaggletoothed dude who gave me a creepy snaggletooth smile when i was on the desk and asked, "can i help you?" "maybe your name," he replied all creepily and snaggletoothy. then he gave me a "i'll see you tomorrow!" mon dieu!
we've been social almost every weekend since school started up again. so this weekend is just going to be the house-family together, staying in, watching movies, and working on school stuff. tonight for dinner the plan is to have falafels. the key to falafels is to go against every edict in almost every cookbook ever, and NOT used canned chickpeas. canned chickpeas result in you eating deep fried hummous balls: gooey, wet, no texture, and none of that starchy flavour. i soak chickpeas in cold water, then blend them with an egg or two to bind, maybe some chickpea flour (though they often don't need it), some scallions, cumin, parsley, lemon juice, salt and pepper. they hold together surprisingly well, and the frying is enough to cook them through, while still leaving lots of crunchy substantiveness. i'm serving them in split pita break whole wheat pitas, with homemade tzatiki (i basically drain some fat free yoghurt through cheesecloth and a strainer to make it thicker, then add some grated garlic, lemon juice, salt and pepper, and grated and squeezed dry cucumber). we also have some avocado, red onion, and tomato to stuff in there. we're having this alongside tabbouleh. i love tabbouleh. just some reconstituted bulghur with lots of finely diced red onion, parsley, grated garlic, and lots of lemon juice and some olive oil and plenty of salt and pepper. maybe some harissa too, to make it 'picy.
i dunno if we're going to have dessert, as i've been feeling virtuous lately (or as near virtuous as i get). probably not...i'll save it for our sunday supper.